A year ago today I numbly drove to the airport, parked my car, took the shuttle to the terminal. I walked up to the SkyWest ticket counter, showed them my airline ID, received a jumpseat boarding pass, got on a plane, and flew to Houston.
When I landed in Houston I went to the car rental desk, rented a car, and drove to the house my parents live in.
I parked my car, walked up their walkway and rang the bell. No one answered. I walked around the corner and saw that my dad was in his back yard trying to mend a fence. How ironic, I thought.
I walked up and stood about 10 feet away from him. His back was to me. His hair had gone white and he looked much older than the last time I'd seen him. I stood watching him for a solid 3 minutes before I started crying and lost my nerve.
He hadn't noticed me, so I turned and left. Back in my car and needed to blow my nose and wipe my eyes, but had no tissues. I drove to a fast food place and got a stack of napkins. This was going to be hard.
Returning to their house, I went again to the back yard, but he was no longer there. I walked around to the front door, and rang the bell. A moment later the door opened, and my dad stared at me for a very long 15 or 20 seconds before he recognized me. I could see it in his face the moment it happened. Almost whispering my name, he staggered back a bit before catching his balance.
“I thought we should talk” I said.
“Yes. We should talk.”
He opened the screen door and I followed him inside. Sitting down on one end of the L-shaped couch, he sat on the other end. I think he probably offered me something to drink, which I declined. I asked if my mother was home. “She should be here any minute. She’s out shopping. I’ll call her.”
He called her cell phone but she didn’t pick up. He left a message telling her to call home as soon as she got the message, but not why. While he called, I looked around at their house, which I had only been to once, a decade earlier. Every nook and cranny was filled with autumn decorations and nicknacks...pumpkins, turkeys, leaves, figurines. I never realized that my parents were that into tchotchke. They had (outdated) photos of me and my siblings, and their grandkids covering the walls. A portrait of a happy family.
He hung up. And I started to talk. Words tumbled out and I unloaded, without reservation, all the pain, anger, hurt and suffering his actions had caused me. How it was all him, and not me. That I was a small child, and none of it was my fault. And that it doesn't matter if he doesn't remember any more, it still happened.
I wasn't worried about blaming him for things that may not actually be his fault...who can sort that out? I just told him how his abuse has impacted every aspect of my life. How I grew up feeling like a worthless piece of trash, and believing I was the ugliest girl in the world. How my feelings impacted me emotionally, and socially, and how that has influenced every relationship I’ve ever had, and everything I endeavored to do, down to the present time.
I told him of my struggle to fit in with school mates, friends and co-workers. When I started dating, his choices impacted my interactions with men, and eventually got in the way in my marriage. And especially problematic has been my relationship with God…my Heavenly Father.
I said anything that came to mind, without reservation. I had finally stopped worrying about hurting his feelings at my expense. I’d gotten to the point where I had to stop holding my pain inside, pretending he’d done his best, and that I was fine. I didn't believe that I just needed to forgive him without going through the grieving process of an innocent childhood lost. He hadn’t done his best. Being a pedophile isn’t doing your best. Throwing things at, and hitting your kids isn't doing your best. Having volcanic eruptions of anger that come out of nowhere and terrorize your children isn't doing your best. And though he could have done worse than he did, what he did was bad enough.
I’ve always excused his behavior because he finally stopped himself and repented of his sins. He tried to control his temper. But he never obtained any counseling for himself, or his victims. His repentance process did not include confessing his sins to his victims, or his wife (who claims not to know anything). Nor was there any kind of restitution. When I first discussed this with him (almost 20 years ago), he informed me “I know I’ve been forgiven, and now you have to forgive me.”
I believed him when he told me that, and felt bad that I was uncomfortable with him. I have tried all my life to forgive him. Lord knows I’ve tried. And if praying for reprieve from the pain, and praying for peace was all it took to move forward after a history like ours, I’d have been there long ago. It’s all I’ve ever wanted…to feel inner peace, instead of the battle that has raged over who I am all my life. But I didn’t know what to do. My coping method was to stuff the pain deep down, and pretend it wasn’t there, and wait for the heart to change. Because I believed him…that it was only me that had any work to do still. He was my dad, after all.
For years I thought I’d actually gotten there…that I’d forgiven him. Because truly, I don’t hate him. I don’t want him to be unhappy. I do want him to enjoy his life. But I just didn’t want to have to be part of it…and I felt guilty about that. So I MADE myself be part of it. But three years ago something broke inside me; I couldn’t do it any more. I had to cut off contact. This visit was the first time I’d seen or spoken to him in 27 months.
Eventually my tears (which I hadn’t managed any control over for the month preceding this encounter) finally dried up, and I didn’t have anything else to say. My mother had never called back or come home. I’d talked for over three hours, and realized that actually, I didn’t feel up for “Round Two” when she returned. So I told him I had to go.
He said he was sorry about everything and walked me to the door. “I hope we can do this again real soon” he commented. I looked at him, kind of sadly, and walked away.
Blessings:
1) Courage and support
2) A year of real progress
3) Hope for the future
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Reading The Pioneer Woman
So last Wednesday my sister-in-law and her 4 year old planned to meet me at the King’s English for Ree's book signing, which I've already written about. But there was no way my nephew would survive the wait. We didn’t have tickets, and were told they were gone. I was MOst diSPleASed with this information, because I had wanted to meet Ree for years!
In my anticipation I’d had, what I thought at the time was, a brilliant idea: I would make a batch of my scrumdiddilyumptious English Toffee, since she was coming to The King’s English. But I wouldn’t stop there…no, I would make it into a thick BLOCK of toffee, 5x7 inches, like a card! And then I would write her a note in white chocolate on it expressing the true feelings of my heart. It would be far better than a Hallmark. In fact, my toffee cards would become all the rage, Hallmark would ask me to author a whole line of Toffee Greeting Cards. See, I told you it was brilliant.
Anyway, I had gone ahead and made this toffee card, and I had hoped to give it to her.
I now confess that I’m a bit embarrassed by my little offering, heartfelt though it was. See, it hadn’t occurred to me that others of Ree’s minions would be showering her with loads of ultra-fabbo gifts (I have always lacked vision that way). And their gifts wouldn't be of questionable origins (ie: is it sanitary? did she wash her hands? [FWIW I absolutely made it to the highest standards of cleanliness!]), like, for example, a card made from toffee and chocolate in a carefully homemade, foil-wrapped box without a lid, but held in a ziplock freezer bag for ease of viewing.
But I’m kind of glad that I didn’t find out about the gift baskets and Sweet Toothfairy goodies and piles of other manifestations-of-devotion that people were giving her till the next day, or I would have been even more embarrassed that night. (Especially as my chocolate penmanship leaves much to be desired. And because after I started writing I realized I wouldn’t have space to write what I wanted to say, so my message was kind of lame. But this didn’t stop me. Unfortunately.)
So back to my DiSPleASuRe. I was standing in the doorway of the gallery where Ree was speaking behind a massive crowd such that I couldn't see her, grousing to the guard who wasn’t letting anyone in about the unsuitability of the venue chosen for such an illustrious author, when all the sudden there was some applause and then much to my surprise, Ree was walking right towards me.
Figuring I wasn’t going to get another chance to be this close to her, I thrust my paltry offering in front of her as she was trying to exit.
“Ree! I’m Blue, and there are a bazillion people here tonight so I’m not going to have a chance to give this to you so I just thought I’d hand it to you now.” (said in a rushed, only slightly intelligible jumble)
Ree (graciously): “Oh, is it fudge?”
Me: “No, it’s English Toffee” (starting to realize it wasn't actually all that brilliant)
Ree, after reading the card said “Oh your BLUE! I didn’t catch that when you first said it.”
Me: “Yeah, I sent you an apple peeler for your birthday (almost 3 years ago).
Ree: “I remember you! Thanks” she said, giving me a hug before heading off to the bookstore for her signing. And I vowed to never wash my outfit again (ala Marsha Brady after meeting Davy Jones).
Of course it was impossible to pause for a photo op; there were mobs of people around, and I’m sure more than a few who felt like I trumped them by happening to be standing right in Ree’s path. But I walked away ebullient and rejoicing that I’d been able to meet her, and that she actually remembered me. Or faked it really well.
Astonishingly, someone I don't know snapped a pic of The Moment and put it on facebook, Then someone I do know stumbled across it and tagged me. So I have this highly flattering photo of me handing my humble toffee card to Ree. That's Missy in the background (her awesome SIL), and her driver in front (not her body guard. Though I suppose he served dual purpose in a way). (But, MAJOR DOWNGRADE from MM, no?!)
Since we weren't getting in, my SIL & I decided to take my nephew out for ice cream and then dinner. In that order. (She's such a fun mom!) Afterward they dropped me back at my car and I figured I'd just head home, but, Confessions of a Blue Woman time, I was bummed.
Yeah, I’d met Ree. Sure she’d even hugged me, and said she remembered me. But I hadn’t been able to get a book signed. And that was what I’d gone there to do. It had all happened so fast!
I had to pass the book shop to get home and right as I did, someone pulled out. So without thinking I turned into their vacated parking spot.
Making my way through the masses milling about outside, I tried to find out what the deal was. Had they decided to issue more tickets? How fast was the line moving? Could I buy a book and get it signed still?
There was a man standing alone and I thought he looked a bit “official”, so I asked him “Are you in charge here or do you have information?”
“Nope” he replied.
Then I noticed he had a bag that said FoxTV.
“Oh, you’re the media”, I said out loud.
His name was Matt, and he was there to interview Ree for the local news. We chatted for a few minutes and then he said “Mind if I ask you a few questions on camera?”
“Uh, sure” I replied, completely caught off guard.
Here's the thing: I’m new at this whole tv thing, my experiences with that Celebrity Chef not withstanding. (That’s a big story for another time).
Matt instructs me to look into his face, not the camera. I’m preoccupied with awareness that I never reapplied my lipgloss, and isn't someone supposed to do my hair and makeup before they go live? I have a hard time not glancing at the bright light shining in my face. I’m suddenly nervous, cause WOW! Being interviewed for tv about REE!
Matt says “Please say and spell your name”
I reply “My name is Blue. B. L. U. E.”
“So why are you here Blue?”
“Well, I’ve been reading Ree’s blog since it was only a few months old…summer of 2006. I wish I could remember how I found it, but I don’t have any idea. So I thought it would be fun to meet her tonight.”
Matt: “What do you like about her blog?
Me: “I love her writing style and how she’s living a life that is completely foreign to most of us. And when you read her blog, you know you’re going to get a quality product…she’s wholesome and family friendly. I like that about her.”
Matt: “How long are you willing to stay here tonight?”
Me: (on camera, mind you) “Well, how long is Ree going to be here? I’m sure she’s more tired than me, so I'm good till the very end.”
Matt: "Anything else you'd like to add?"
And then, there's a teensy weensy chance that I might have said that I'd love to visit her and stay at her lodge sometime, if she ever did a get-together like that again. I'm hoping I just imagined I said that part though, cause, squirm! Self-invite. How tacky! Suddenly I'm like a star-struck teeniebopper...what's that about?
Matt then informed me that my interview might not make it to the tv, because there was some final World Series Baseball Game going on, and it "looked like the Yankee’s might win it". Yeah, my big moment was in jeopardy because of baseball. “But it will be on the web” he assured me.
Well, near as I can tell, it wasn’t on tv, nor did they put it on their website. The link to the story only goes to Ree's blog. Which I already have memorized, cause DUH!
After his interview with Ree (which he didn't have to have a ticket for! Note to self: next time I want insta-access to someone, bring TV Camera and a wear a Logo Shirt.), Matt walked back outside and, as he passed me he said “Ree says hi.”
“Yeah, sure she did” I replied.
“No really. I told her ‘Blue’s still outside’, and she said ‘I know Blue!’”
Now I'd been toying with leaving because at the rate they were moving, I knew it would be at least 3 more hours. And they were sold out of books...so I couldn't even have her sign one. But that cinched it…Ree said "I know Blue"!
I had to wait. And of course I was last in line. So I was free wander around. I got some shawls and snacks to share while I settled in with the other die-hards. Who are all awesome, by the way.
Anyway, the whole reason I’ve even mentioned this incident today is because I am HORRIBLE at thinking on my feet. Horrible! In fact, scientists have discovered that there is a gene that helps people anticipate things and handle them on the fly, and after testing they've informed me that I am missing that gene. As it turns out.
So when I was answering Matt’s questions, I didn’t manage to express why I really read Ree’s blog. It's been on my mind for a week now. And you don't have to stick around and read anymore of this...I know it's like eleventeen pages long already. But...(was that not the longest lead-in EVER!?)
I read ThePioneerWoman.com because I love how positive Ree is. Have you ever heard her genuinely complain about anything? She teases. She is self-deprecating. But she’s always positive.
Ree seems to be very comfortable with who she is, and her choices in life even though it's a life she never dreamed of before she met MM. I never dreamed I'd still be living the student life in my forties, and there are things I haven't handled with as much grace as I'd like to have done. As I read Ree's blog I learn how to be more like I'd like to be. She’s a great role model as a mom, wife, neighbor and friend.
I read because every time I think about her story, I am reminded of just how filled with possibility all of our lives are. I mean, if you had told Ree four years ago that in the next few years she would go from complete and utter anonymity to being a NYT Bestselling author, with tens of thousands of fans and admirers (and minions) I’m sure she’d have laughed and snorted her coffee up her nose.
I read because I have a deep, conscious appreciation for the hard-working farmers and ranchers in the world. These are the people responsible for the fact that my family is well-fed and have never known hunger. They are the ones who wake up before dawn, and work till after dark. And it’s HARD work! I l♥ve our nation’s farmers. I really appreciate all they do. And while there is honor in all honest labor, some jobs are simply more important than others. The world would keep on turning if there weren’t flight attendants. But it would be a vastly different place without our hardworking farmers and ranchers…and every time I read about their lives, I feel grateful to them for the sacrifices they make. I like feeling grateful.
And finally, I am still reading because back when she wasn’t the biggest blogger on the planet (what, you know someone whose bigger?), when she was only getting 10-20 comments per post, I actually harbored secret hopes of becoming good friends with her. She struck me as a worthwhile person to know; down-to-earth and genuine. Our kids would get along great and we’d have a lot of fun just doing nothing. I imagined trekking on down to Pawhuska and hanging out for a spell at her place. After all, I commented on almost every post, and figured with a name like Blue, she’d at least recognize me over time. And then she'd want to be bffs, and I could help her with her fear of flying and she could help me with the whole cooking thing, for example.
But what actually happened was she became wildly popular before we could become real friends. Clearly it wasn't our destiny to be besties, and I have made peace with that. But I still read her thoughts. And I’m still inspired by her “dive in and figure it out” approach to everything (homeschooling, photography, Photoshop, cooking, etc.). Still love her upbeat attitude, how she freely shares her insights/knowledge, and her happy relationships with those around her. Ree still inspires me as a role model for how I’d like to be in some ways as I reinvent myself while working through the hard things in my past.
And THAT, Matt from FoxTV, is what I would have said when you asked me why I read The Pioneer Woman. It's clearly a good thing I'm missing that gene, cause like, major overshare! )
Grateful for:
1) Farmers and ranchers and other vital hard-working people
2) Endless varieties of healthy, tasty food
3) Memory loss. Helps with the embarrassment factor (I should be over this within a month or two.)
4) Gracious people. They're everywhere!
In my anticipation I’d had, what I thought at the time was, a brilliant idea: I would make a batch of my scrumdiddilyumptious English Toffee, since she was coming to The King’s English. But I wouldn’t stop there…no, I would make it into a thick BLOCK of toffee, 5x7 inches, like a card! And then I would write her a note in white chocolate on it expressing the true feelings of my heart. It would be far better than a Hallmark. In fact, my toffee cards would become all the rage, Hallmark would ask me to author a whole line of Toffee Greeting Cards. See, I told you it was brilliant.
Anyway, I had gone ahead and made this toffee card, and I had hoped to give it to her.
I now confess that I’m a bit embarrassed by my little offering, heartfelt though it was. See, it hadn’t occurred to me that others of Ree’s minions would be showering her with loads of ultra-fabbo gifts (I have always lacked vision that way). And their gifts wouldn't be of questionable origins (ie: is it sanitary? did she wash her hands? [FWIW I absolutely made it to the highest standards of cleanliness!]), like, for example, a card made from toffee and chocolate in a carefully homemade, foil-wrapped box without a lid, but held in a ziplock freezer bag for ease of viewing.
But I’m kind of glad that I didn’t find out about the gift baskets and Sweet Toothfairy goodies and piles of other manifestations-of-devotion that people were giving her till the next day, or I would have been even more embarrassed that night. (Especially as my chocolate penmanship leaves much to be desired. And because after I started writing I realized I wouldn’t have space to write what I wanted to say, so my message was kind of lame. But this didn’t stop me. Unfortunately.)
So back to my DiSPleASuRe. I was standing in the doorway of the gallery where Ree was speaking behind a massive crowd such that I couldn't see her, grousing to the guard who wasn’t letting anyone in about the unsuitability of the venue chosen for such an illustrious author, when all the sudden there was some applause and then much to my surprise, Ree was walking right towards me.
Figuring I wasn’t going to get another chance to be this close to her, I thrust my paltry offering in front of her as she was trying to exit.
“Ree! I’m Blue, and there are a bazillion people here tonight so I’m not going to have a chance to give this to you so I just thought I’d hand it to you now.” (said in a rushed, only slightly intelligible jumble)
Ree (graciously): “Oh, is it fudge?”
Me: “No, it’s English Toffee” (starting to realize it wasn't actually all that brilliant)
Ree, after reading the card said “Oh your BLUE! I didn’t catch that when you first said it.”
Me: “Yeah, I sent you an apple peeler for your birthday (almost 3 years ago).
Ree: “I remember you! Thanks” she said, giving me a hug before heading off to the bookstore for her signing. And I vowed to never wash my outfit again (ala Marsha Brady after meeting Davy Jones).
Of course it was impossible to pause for a photo op; there were mobs of people around, and I’m sure more than a few who felt like I trumped them by happening to be standing right in Ree’s path. But I walked away ebullient and rejoicing that I’d been able to meet her, and that she actually remembered me. Or faked it really well.
Astonishingly, someone I don't know snapped a pic of The Moment and put it on facebook, Then someone I do know stumbled across it and tagged me. So I have this highly flattering photo of me handing my humble toffee card to Ree. That's Missy in the background (her awesome SIL), and her driver in front (not her body guard. Though I suppose he served dual purpose in a way). (But, MAJOR DOWNGRADE from MM, no?!)
Since we weren't getting in, my SIL & I decided to take my nephew out for ice cream and then dinner. In that order. (She's such a fun mom!) Afterward they dropped me back at my car and I figured I'd just head home, but, Confessions of a Blue Woman time, I was bummed.
Yeah, I’d met Ree. Sure she’d even hugged me, and said she remembered me. But I hadn’t been able to get a book signed. And that was what I’d gone there to do. It had all happened so fast!
I had to pass the book shop to get home and right as I did, someone pulled out. So without thinking I turned into their vacated parking spot.
Making my way through the masses milling about outside, I tried to find out what the deal was. Had they decided to issue more tickets? How fast was the line moving? Could I buy a book and get it signed still?
There was a man standing alone and I thought he looked a bit “official”, so I asked him “Are you in charge here or do you have information?”
“Nope” he replied.
Then I noticed he had a bag that said FoxTV.
“Oh, you’re the media”, I said out loud.
His name was Matt, and he was there to interview Ree for the local news. We chatted for a few minutes and then he said “Mind if I ask you a few questions on camera?”
“Uh, sure” I replied, completely caught off guard.
Here's the thing: I’m new at this whole tv thing, my experiences with that Celebrity Chef not withstanding. (That’s a big story for another time).
Matt instructs me to look into his face, not the camera. I’m preoccupied with awareness that I never reapplied my lipgloss, and isn't someone supposed to do my hair and makeup before they go live? I have a hard time not glancing at the bright light shining in my face. I’m suddenly nervous, cause WOW! Being interviewed for tv about REE!
Matt says “Please say and spell your name”
I reply “My name is Blue. B. L. U. E.”
“So why are you here Blue?”
“Well, I’ve been reading Ree’s blog since it was only a few months old…summer of 2006. I wish I could remember how I found it, but I don’t have any idea. So I thought it would be fun to meet her tonight.”
Matt: “What do you like about her blog?
Me: “I love her writing style and how she’s living a life that is completely foreign to most of us. And when you read her blog, you know you’re going to get a quality product…she’s wholesome and family friendly. I like that about her.”
Matt: “How long are you willing to stay here tonight?”
Me: (on camera, mind you) “Well, how long is Ree going to be here? I’m sure she’s more tired than me, so I'm good till the very end.”
Matt: "Anything else you'd like to add?"
And then, there's a teensy weensy chance that I might have said that I'd love to visit her and stay at her lodge sometime, if she ever did a get-together like that again. I'm hoping I just imagined I said that part though, cause, squirm! Self-invite. How tacky! Suddenly I'm like a star-struck teeniebopper...what's that about?
Matt then informed me that my interview might not make it to the tv, because there was some final World Series Baseball Game going on, and it "looked like the Yankee’s might win it". Yeah, my big moment was in jeopardy because of baseball. “But it will be on the web” he assured me.
Well, near as I can tell, it wasn’t on tv, nor did they put it on their website. The link to the story only goes to Ree's blog. Which I already have memorized, cause DUH!
After his interview with Ree (which he didn't have to have a ticket for! Note to self: next time I want insta-access to someone, bring TV Camera and a wear a Logo Shirt.), Matt walked back outside and, as he passed me he said “Ree says hi.”
“Yeah, sure she did” I replied.
“No really. I told her ‘Blue’s still outside’, and she said ‘I know Blue!’”
Now I'd been toying with leaving because at the rate they were moving, I knew it would be at least 3 more hours. And they were sold out of books...so I couldn't even have her sign one. But that cinched it…Ree said "I know Blue"!
I had to wait. And of course I was last in line. So I was free wander around. I got some shawls and snacks to share while I settled in with the other die-hards. Who are all awesome, by the way.
Anyway, the whole reason I’ve even mentioned this incident today is because I am HORRIBLE at thinking on my feet. Horrible! In fact, scientists have discovered that there is a gene that helps people anticipate things and handle them on the fly, and after testing they've informed me that I am missing that gene. As it turns out.
So when I was answering Matt’s questions, I didn’t manage to express why I really read Ree’s blog. It's been on my mind for a week now. And you don't have to stick around and read anymore of this...I know it's like eleventeen pages long already. But...(was that not the longest lead-in EVER!?)
I read ThePioneerWoman.com because I love how positive Ree is. Have you ever heard her genuinely complain about anything? She teases. She is self-deprecating. But she’s always positive.
Ree seems to be very comfortable with who she is, and her choices in life even though it's a life she never dreamed of before she met MM. I never dreamed I'd still be living the student life in my forties, and there are things I haven't handled with as much grace as I'd like to have done. As I read Ree's blog I learn how to be more like I'd like to be. She’s a great role model as a mom, wife, neighbor and friend.
I read because every time I think about her story, I am reminded of just how filled with possibility all of our lives are. I mean, if you had told Ree four years ago that in the next few years she would go from complete and utter anonymity to being a NYT Bestselling author, with tens of thousands of fans and admirers (and minions) I’m sure she’d have laughed and snorted her coffee up her nose.
I read because I have a deep, conscious appreciation for the hard-working farmers and ranchers in the world. These are the people responsible for the fact that my family is well-fed and have never known hunger. They are the ones who wake up before dawn, and work till after dark. And it’s HARD work! I l♥ve our nation’s farmers. I really appreciate all they do. And while there is honor in all honest labor, some jobs are simply more important than others. The world would keep on turning if there weren’t flight attendants. But it would be a vastly different place without our hardworking farmers and ranchers…and every time I read about their lives, I feel grateful to them for the sacrifices they make. I like feeling grateful.
And finally, I am still reading because back when she wasn’t the biggest blogger on the planet (what, you know someone whose bigger?), when she was only getting 10-20 comments per post, I actually harbored secret hopes of becoming good friends with her. She struck me as a worthwhile person to know; down-to-earth and genuine. Our kids would get along great and we’d have a lot of fun just doing nothing. I imagined trekking on down to Pawhuska and hanging out for a spell at her place. After all, I commented on almost every post, and figured with a name like Blue, she’d at least recognize me over time. And then she'd want to be bffs, and I could help her with her fear of flying and she could help me with the whole cooking thing, for example.
But what actually happened was she became wildly popular before we could become real friends. Clearly it wasn't our destiny to be besties, and I have made peace with that. But I still read her thoughts. And I’m still inspired by her “dive in and figure it out” approach to everything (homeschooling, photography, Photoshop, cooking, etc.). Still love her upbeat attitude, how she freely shares her insights/knowledge, and her happy relationships with those around her. Ree still inspires me as a role model for how I’d like to be in some ways as I reinvent myself while working through the hard things in my past.
And THAT, Matt from FoxTV, is what I would have said when you asked me why I read The Pioneer Woman. It's clearly a good thing I'm missing that gene, cause like, major overshare! )
Grateful for:
1) Farmers and ranchers and other vital hard-working people
2) Endless varieties of healthy, tasty food
3) Memory loss. Helps with the embarrassment factor (I should be over this within a month or two.)
4) Gracious people. They're everywhere!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Eleven Eleven
Every year on this date, I pause to especially thank the Good Lord for the freedoms I enjoy in this world, for I am rarely unconscious of how blessed I am.
And for the past 13 years, I have also thanked him for the happy, healthy, darling girl he sent me, who turned me into a mother. A post can't possibly capture all that I feel about her, but a small peek at her life through pictures follows.
One day old with daddy
Five days old with mommy
Six month old blue-eyed ball of joy
Four year old sunshiney girl on the tire swing
The Lollipop Kids
Snow Princess
Hiking in Stowe, Vermont
Early years montage
Rockin the guitars
First day of 5th grade
Black and White Bunch
First day of 6th grade
Are they Cousins or Quadruplets?
First day of 7th grade
Our little family summer 2009
Grateful for...Bunch Edition:
1) Every day for the privledge to be your momma.
2) For how you fill our lives with joy & help us become better people.
3) The great example you are to all around you.
4) Your laudable ethics and high moral standards.
Happy 13th Birthday Doll! I Love You and you'll always be my best girl!!!
And for the past 13 years, I have also thanked him for the happy, healthy, darling girl he sent me, who turned me into a mother. A post can't possibly capture all that I feel about her, but a small peek at her life through pictures follows.
One day old with daddy
Five days old with mommy
Six month old blue-eyed ball of joy
Four year old sunshiney girl on the tire swing
The Lollipop Kids
Snow Princess
Hiking in Stowe, Vermont
Early years montage
Rockin the guitars
First day of 5th grade
Black and White Bunch
First day of 6th grade
Are they Cousins or Quadruplets?
First day of 7th grade
Our little family summer 2009
Grateful for...Bunch Edition:
1) Every day for the privledge to be your momma.
2) For how you fill our lives with joy & help us become better people.
3) The great example you are to all around you.
4) Your laudable ethics and high moral standards.
Happy 13th Birthday Doll! I Love You and you'll always be my best girl!!!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Me & Ree
And Missy and The MIL, too!
Tonight I had the privledge of an In Real Life meeting with one of my favorite bloggers...you may know her as The Pioneer Woman, but her name is Ree and she's in Salt Lake City on a book tour.
I've been reading her blog for years. I wish I could remember how I found it, but it was long before she was a household name.
So I planned to buy and have her sign a copy of her new cookbook tonight, but as it turns out, they're completely sold out. The publisher ran out! And while I adore The King's English bookshop, when I heard that she was scheduled to come there for her signing, I knew it was going to be a mob scene.
It was. People lined up at 3pm for the 7pm signing. They handed out "signing tickets" for people, and when they ran out of those, they said anyone else who wanted to stand in line could do so.
People stood. For six hours. I didn't get a signing number, but I got my pashmina's out of my car, and a bag full of M&Ms to share with the people in the line, and found some cold women to share my shawls with, and we chatted while we whiled away the hours together. This was pretty fun, because the kind of people who read Ree's blog are the kind of people you just like from the get-go. We talked and made friends, asked who'd come the farthest (Wyoming, Idaho, Arizona and Nevada...driving. Two women flew in from San Francisco! I drove 10 minutes.) We bonded.
Every 20 minutes or so it would seem to move just an inch or so...but at one point, Ree's Mother In Law (MIL) came out, and she's such a doll that you almost didn't want the line to move. Visiting with MIL was just delightful, and she was as gracious as anyone I've ever met about posing for photos, and answering questions.
Below are some photos. Oh, and Fox News interviewed me, but they told me that they might not run the story because something about a baseball game somewhere might preclude it. Baseball Schmaceball! Don't these people have ANY priorities?! I mean, come on. But if they do put it on the website, I will link to it!
Here she is! I was literally her last visit of the night, and she was one tired cookie. She wouldn't sign my arm though...and I didn't nab one of her cookbooks before they ALL SOLD OUT. Everywhere. Egads! She said she'd mail me one though, so I will be patient.
I love this photo of her! Nice Shirt girlie!
This is Missy, Ree's sister-in-law. She's got a knack for remembering voices. It's really freaky. And she's super sweet and pretty and nice and I like her loads. Too bad she lives a gazillion worlds away or I think we'd be bffs. Wait! most of my besties live a gazillion miles away!
This is Missy and THE CAMERA. Yes, THE camera that Ree uses to take all those delicious, luscious and beautiful photos. Of dogs, and bovines, and chaps and dust and horses and sunrises and food and kids and cowboys. I think it has it's own star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame.
This is The Woman. The Woman who is inadvertantly responsible for all of us enjoying The Pioneer Woman. Without her, Ree would be living in a city, drinking Starbucks and wearing black heels while eating sushi. Thank you MIL! We adore you. And your son's chaps.
Ree, you're more delightful in real life than you are on your blog...something I didn't even imagine could be possible. And sharing Missy and MIL with us...well, that was just pure icing. Thanks for bringing them along! ♥
Grateful for:
1) Technology that brings people together
2) Good people everywhere
3) The mild weather tonight...cause there were hundreds of us outside for hours!
Tonight I had the privledge of an In Real Life meeting with one of my favorite bloggers...you may know her as The Pioneer Woman, but her name is Ree and she's in Salt Lake City on a book tour.
I've been reading her blog for years. I wish I could remember how I found it, but it was long before she was a household name.
So I planned to buy and have her sign a copy of her new cookbook tonight, but as it turns out, they're completely sold out. The publisher ran out! And while I adore The King's English bookshop, when I heard that she was scheduled to come there for her signing, I knew it was going to be a mob scene.
It was. People lined up at 3pm for the 7pm signing. They handed out "signing tickets" for people, and when they ran out of those, they said anyone else who wanted to stand in line could do so.
People stood. For six hours. I didn't get a signing number, but I got my pashmina's out of my car, and a bag full of M&Ms to share with the people in the line, and found some cold women to share my shawls with, and we chatted while we whiled away the hours together. This was pretty fun, because the kind of people who read Ree's blog are the kind of people you just like from the get-go. We talked and made friends, asked who'd come the farthest (Wyoming, Idaho, Arizona and Nevada...driving. Two women flew in from San Francisco! I drove 10 minutes.) We bonded.
Every 20 minutes or so it would seem to move just an inch or so...but at one point, Ree's Mother In Law (MIL) came out, and she's such a doll that you almost didn't want the line to move. Visiting with MIL was just delightful, and she was as gracious as anyone I've ever met about posing for photos, and answering questions.
Below are some photos. Oh, and Fox News interviewed me, but they told me that they might not run the story because something about a baseball game somewhere might preclude it. Baseball Schmaceball! Don't these people have ANY priorities?! I mean, come on. But if they do put it on the website, I will link to it!
Here she is! I was literally her last visit of the night, and she was one tired cookie. She wouldn't sign my arm though...and I didn't nab one of her cookbooks before they ALL SOLD OUT. Everywhere. Egads! She said she'd mail me one though, so I will be patient.
I love this photo of her! Nice Shirt girlie!
This is Missy, Ree's sister-in-law. She's got a knack for remembering voices. It's really freaky. And she's super sweet and pretty and nice and I like her loads. Too bad she lives a gazillion worlds away or I think we'd be bffs. Wait! most of my besties live a gazillion miles away!
This is Missy and THE CAMERA. Yes, THE camera that Ree uses to take all those delicious, luscious and beautiful photos. Of dogs, and bovines, and chaps and dust and horses and sunrises and food and kids and cowboys. I think it has it's own star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame.
This is The Woman. The Woman who is inadvertantly responsible for all of us enjoying The Pioneer Woman. Without her, Ree would be living in a city, drinking Starbucks and wearing black heels while eating sushi. Thank you MIL! We adore you. And your son's chaps.
Ree, you're more delightful in real life than you are on your blog...something I didn't even imagine could be possible. And sharing Missy and MIL with us...well, that was just pure icing. Thanks for bringing them along! ♥
Grateful for:
1) Technology that brings people together
2) Good people everywhere
3) The mild weather tonight...cause there were hundreds of us outside for hours!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
I ♥ NY...Joni Edition
Many months ago, one of my besties, Joni, said she and a friend were planning a girls get-away to NYC, and would I like to come?
I didn't have any concept of what life in October would hold back then, so I couldn't really commit. Obviously, get-aways with besties are high on my Love To Do list, but there's that niggling matter called I'm A MoM that I have to balance.
But finally Doc's schedule for this month was figured out, and happily, it turned out that I would be able to get away.
I flew to NYC and arrived at the swanky diggs Joni had booked for us at the Waldorf=Astoria. Ohh Laa Laa! Actually, as impressive and historic as this hotel is, we were slightly underwhelmed by our experience with it (although I should note that there is actually an exclusive, elusive, secret hotel-within-the-hotel located on the upper floors which is purported to be quite the luxury experience). There are a lot of other, smaller, less-known hotels that offer nicer rooms, better service, comparable prices, and less-crowded conditions for anyone interested in staying in the city.
That night, Joni, her friend Amy, and I split from the other ladies and had a diner dinner (meh), and enjoyed a gorgeous evening walk to Serendipity III, which I'd never heard of but which I fell in love with.
(Joni, Amy & Blue waiting for our delishUSness to arrive)
(another note: me not hearing of something has NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING to do with said thing's standing, reputation, popularity, or public image. I'd never heard of the Waldorf=Astoria either, before my uncle told me about it.)
What's not to love about a place that creates magical desserts?
(Joni after we'd made a dent in our desserts. OhSoDelish!)
Walking back to the W=A, we passed the Kimberly Hotel. The doormen were so charming, offering to take a photo of us in their "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" style car out front.
After a few minutes of their friendly banter, we ended up taking a tour of the place, and were VERY impressed with it. During said tour, aforementioned doormen put together thoughtful gift bags for us, which they handed us as we departed. Talk about class act! The W.=A. could take a page from the Kimberly's book.
Day2 of Joni-Time was chock full of shopping. Here is where things got interesting. Now I'd heard about the knock-off brand name purse industry before. And I'd seen the vendors on the sidewalks hawking their wares. I'd erroneously assumed that this is what people were talking about. But I was wrong.
So we five women took a cab to Canal Street in China town.
I'm guessing we had tourists with money written all over us, because it didn't take long for us to be approached by a "scout" whose job seemed to be to find tourists like us who are looking for the goods. Through a series of gestures and halted English, information was conveyed that some among us were looking for purses.
A few minutes later we were in a small shop that had tee shirts, purfume and other miscellaneous items lining a wall. It was a small shop, and I was standing near the doorway sniffing Magnetism purfume because I've always been drawn to it (seems whenever I bother to ask someone what they're wearing, it's always Magnetism. Clearly it works.) while the other four ladies were a few feet back in the shop. After a moment, I look up and they aren't there.
It's a small rectangle of a store, no doors, no aisles. They hadn't passed me and left. "Where are my friends?" I asked the guy showing me purfume.
"What friends?" he says back.
"The ladies I came in here with."
"You no come in with anyone." he tells me.
"No seriously, where are my friends?"
Another worker joins in with the guy "they left."
"How did they get past me without me seeing them (remember, I'm standing by the exit)
They teased me for a few moments like this, till one of them finally says "You want to go with your friends?"
"Yes, I do", I tell him.
"Okay, come here."
He leads me over to a little spot near some sweatshirts, tells me to be quiet and wait. I'm standing there feeling like an idiot, while the workers, with their cell phones and secrets do their thing, and suddenly the wall opens up to reveal an unfinished, dank wooden stairway leading down into darkness.
"GO!" the shop employee urges me
"In there?!" I replied, thinking I must be crazy if I'm considering it.
"QUICK, hurry! GO" they urged me.
So casting reason aside, I stepped down into the darkness, and the door shut behind me.
It turned out it wasn't pitch black. Once the door shut, I could see a faint light coming from around the bend. I got to the bottom of the stairs and moved my way towards the light....which turned out to be The Purse & Bag Room.
A finished, well-lit, very stocked room full of purses and bags from all different companies. Coach, Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Channel, etc. I don't know if they were fakes or stolen...but the secrecy surrounding this room was complete.Happily, my friends were all there, as well as several other customers and a savvy Asian woman doing the deals.
We stayed for a while, while everyone shopped and bartered for better prices. Then when we were done, we had to wait till they cleared us for departure. I'm sure it was the tower at La Guardia who gave the go-ahead. This was the first of three such secret shops we visited that day. We attempted to return to shop number two after one in the group decided that she did want a bag she hadn't purchased while we were there, but when we got back to that part of town our unofficial guide informed us that it was "closed". Suddenly. Apparently raids are common.
I don't the difference between the vendors out in the open on the street and these secret, basement dungeons, and what all the hush hush low-down is about, but it was certainly not what I expected for our morning of shopping.
Joni and I split up from the other ladies and she treated me to an sumptuous dinner at Tavern on the Green that night, which is a historic, beautiful restaurant in Central Park filled with Tiffany lamps and elegance.
Our last day together was more shopping till you're dropping, because let me tell you, these women are doing their mightiest to pull our economy out of a recession. You can send your thanks to me and I will forward them to the appropriate parties.
And then, before you can say "New York Minute", the sad moment arrived when Joni and I had to say goodbye, and she spent her last night there visiting her cousins. I'm not too overwhelmed with grief because next week is her birthday and I'm going to fly her gift out to her to ensure it gets there in one piece...so after that I'll be sad about our good-bye.
The rest of my time away was filled with more wonderful experiences, but this post is longer than the checkin line at the Waldorf already...so tune in next time for news about the rest of my trip.
Grateful for:
1) New experiences
2) Cherished friendships
3) That we got out of Chinatown alive ;-)
♥
I didn't have any concept of what life in October would hold back then, so I couldn't really commit. Obviously, get-aways with besties are high on my Love To Do list, but there's that niggling matter called I'm A MoM that I have to balance.
But finally Doc's schedule for this month was figured out, and happily, it turned out that I would be able to get away.
I flew to NYC and arrived at the swanky diggs Joni had booked for us at the Waldorf=Astoria. Ohh Laa Laa! Actually, as impressive and historic as this hotel is, we were slightly underwhelmed by our experience with it (although I should note that there is actually an exclusive, elusive, secret hotel-within-the-hotel located on the upper floors which is purported to be quite the luxury experience). There are a lot of other, smaller, less-known hotels that offer nicer rooms, better service, comparable prices, and less-crowded conditions for anyone interested in staying in the city.
That night, Joni, her friend Amy, and I split from the other ladies and had a diner dinner (meh), and enjoyed a gorgeous evening walk to Serendipity III, which I'd never heard of but which I fell in love with.
(Joni, Amy & Blue waiting for our delishUSness to arrive)(another note: me not hearing of something has NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING to do with said thing's standing, reputation, popularity, or public image. I'd never heard of the Waldorf=Astoria either, before my uncle told me about it.)
What's not to love about a place that creates magical desserts?
(Joni after we'd made a dent in our desserts. OhSoDelish!)
Walking back to the W=A, we passed the Kimberly Hotel. The doormen were so charming, offering to take a photo of us in their "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" style car out front.
After a few minutes of their friendly banter, we ended up taking a tour of the place, and were VERY impressed with it. During said tour, aforementioned doormen put together thoughtful gift bags for us, which they handed us as we departed. Talk about class act! The W.=A. could take a page from the Kimberly's book.
Day2 of Joni-Time was chock full of shopping. Here is where things got interesting. Now I'd heard about the knock-off brand name purse industry before. And I'd seen the vendors on the sidewalks hawking their wares. I'd erroneously assumed that this is what people were talking about. But I was wrong.
So we five women took a cab to Canal Street in China town.
I'm guessing we had tourists with money written all over us, because it didn't take long for us to be approached by a "scout" whose job seemed to be to find tourists like us who are looking for the goods. Through a series of gestures and halted English, information was conveyed that some among us were looking for purses.
A few minutes later we were in a small shop that had tee shirts, purfume and other miscellaneous items lining a wall. It was a small shop, and I was standing near the doorway sniffing Magnetism purfume because I've always been drawn to it (seems whenever I bother to ask someone what they're wearing, it's always Magnetism. Clearly it works.) while the other four ladies were a few feet back in the shop. After a moment, I look up and they aren't there.
It's a small rectangle of a store, no doors, no aisles. They hadn't passed me and left. "Where are my friends?" I asked the guy showing me purfume.
"What friends?" he says back.
"The ladies I came in here with."
"You no come in with anyone." he tells me.
"No seriously, where are my friends?"
Another worker joins in with the guy "they left."
"How did they get past me without me seeing them (remember, I'm standing by the exit)
They teased me for a few moments like this, till one of them finally says "You want to go with your friends?"
"Yes, I do", I tell him.
"Okay, come here."
He leads me over to a little spot near some sweatshirts, tells me to be quiet and wait. I'm standing there feeling like an idiot, while the workers, with their cell phones and secrets do their thing, and suddenly the wall opens up to reveal an unfinished, dank wooden stairway leading down into darkness.
"GO!" the shop employee urges me
"In there?!" I replied, thinking I must be crazy if I'm considering it.
"QUICK, hurry! GO" they urged me.
So casting reason aside, I stepped down into the darkness, and the door shut behind me.
It turned out it wasn't pitch black. Once the door shut, I could see a faint light coming from around the bend. I got to the bottom of the stairs and moved my way towards the light....which turned out to be The Purse & Bag Room.
A finished, well-lit, very stocked room full of purses and bags from all different companies. Coach, Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Channel, etc. I don't know if they were fakes or stolen...but the secrecy surrounding this room was complete.Happily, my friends were all there, as well as several other customers and a savvy Asian woman doing the deals.
We stayed for a while, while everyone shopped and bartered for better prices. Then when we were done, we had to wait till they cleared us for departure. I'm sure it was the tower at La Guardia who gave the go-ahead. This was the first of three such secret shops we visited that day. We attempted to return to shop number two after one in the group decided that she did want a bag she hadn't purchased while we were there, but when we got back to that part of town our unofficial guide informed us that it was "closed". Suddenly. Apparently raids are common.
I don't the difference between the vendors out in the open on the street and these secret, basement dungeons, and what all the hush hush low-down is about, but it was certainly not what I expected for our morning of shopping.
Joni and I split up from the other ladies and she treated me to an sumptuous dinner at Tavern on the Green that night, which is a historic, beautiful restaurant in Central Park filled with Tiffany lamps and elegance.
Our last day together was more shopping till you're dropping, because let me tell you, these women are doing their mightiest to pull our economy out of a recession. You can send your thanks to me and I will forward them to the appropriate parties.
And then, before you can say "New York Minute", the sad moment arrived when Joni and I had to say goodbye, and she spent her last night there visiting her cousins. I'm not too overwhelmed with grief because next week is her birthday and I'm going to fly her gift out to her to ensure it gets there in one piece...so after that I'll be sad about our good-bye.
The rest of my time away was filled with more wonderful experiences, but this post is longer than the checkin line at the Waldorf already...so tune in next time for news about the rest of my trip.
Grateful for:
1) New experiences
2) Cherished friendships
3) That we got out of Chinatown alive ;-)
♥
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Flying Solo
So as it turns out, according to my health care plan there is a limit to how many visits I can have with my therapist in a year. And apparently I've already hit it, and the insurance company isn't going to pay for any more this year. They sent me a form telling me the last few charges are all my responsibility. Yay!
So I will be paying him for those in full, and taking a 10 week hiatus from the soft tissues and our weekly visits until the new year, at which point I will pace myself so as to avoid a gap on the tail end of 2010. (Of course this is all assuming we are living here all of 2010.) Frank is one of the primary reasons I would like to stay put. Actually.
It might be good, this break. I'll get to work on things by myself, and see how well I pilot my life as a Captainless First Officer, so to speak. Besides, there's always a bestie to talk to if I'm in a hole. Not quite the same, but twill do in a pinch. And if I find myself really going to pieces, he'll still be there for me. And worth every penny.
Grateful for
1) Healthcare Benefits.
2) Almost a year of progress.
3) The book I'm working with. It'll keep me busy and oriented.
So I will be paying him for those in full, and taking a 10 week hiatus from the soft tissues and our weekly visits until the new year, at which point I will pace myself so as to avoid a gap on the tail end of 2010. (Of course this is all assuming we are living here all of 2010.) Frank is one of the primary reasons I would like to stay put. Actually.
It might be good, this break. I'll get to work on things by myself, and see how well I pilot my life as a Captainless First Officer, so to speak. Besides, there's always a bestie to talk to if I'm in a hole. Not quite the same, but twill do in a pinch. And if I find myself really going to pieces, he'll still be there for me. And worth every penny.
Grateful for
1) Healthcare Benefits.
2) Almost a year of progress.
3) The book I'm working with. It'll keep me busy and oriented.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Trying to catch up
I am frightfully (heh. Halloween) behind on a load of posts. Seriously dating back to at least August.
For example: I never managed to write about the trip I took Gator on to California to see John Williams conduct his annual “Night at the Movies” concert at the Hollywood bowl. Gator is crazy for John Williams…it's the only music he really likes. So it was a chance for Gator to see him live, you know, cause John is getting along in life and I felt like we should carpe diem and all that. It was a fantastic show, and next time we'll know to bring a light-up light saber because the moment the Star Wars theme started, the entire audience pulled them out and "conducted" along with JW. It was so awesome. And actually the show choked me up. So many memories tied to his music. What a master. Gator loved this trip.
Blog friend Debbie and I had corresponded online for better part of a year at least, but we finally had our first in-real-life meet up, and she is as delightful in person as she is on her blog. We met during the trip to CA for the John Williams concert, and enjoyed sunshine, sand, sounds, smells and sweet conversations while Gator played in the ocean. 
She brought me a beautiful book (“Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh) tied up in a fabulous ribbon with a heart-rock and some blue sea glass which she collects on her many walks. It was a lovely visit.
She brought me a beautiful book (“Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh) tied up in a fabulous ribbon with a heart-rock and some blue sea glass which she collects on her many walks. It was a lovely visit.
In August, I flew to Syracuse, NY where blog-reader-stalker friend Keri and I met for the first time. 
Keri has the distinct honor of being the one who sought ME out…and can I just tell you what a massive deposit that was in my self-esteem account?! She contacted me and we began corresponding back and forth, till I ended up visiting her where she spends summers with her inlaws on an island in the middle of the St. Lawrence river which is the boarder between the USA and Canada. It was such a wondrous time for me. I loved meeting Keri and her darling children, and we became fast friends within about 20 seconds I think. Among other things, she introduced me to river baths (what it sounds like), and got me up on water skis for the first time in a couple decades (which my muscles paid for for days) It was a spectacular visit, restorative in many ways. Fast forward to this past week when I was able to visit her again in Connecticut for a couple days. I feel Seriously, So Blessed!
Keri has the distinct honor of being the one who sought ME out…and can I just tell you what a massive deposit that was in my self-esteem account?! She contacted me and we began corresponding back and forth, till I ended up visiting her where she spends summers with her inlaws on an island in the middle of the St. Lawrence river which is the boarder between the USA and Canada. It was such a wondrous time for me. I loved meeting Keri and her darling children, and we became fast friends within about 20 seconds I think. Among other things, she introduced me to river baths (what it sounds like), and got me up on water skis for the first time in a couple decades (which my muscles paid for for days) It was a spectacular visit, restorative in many ways. Fast forward to this past week when I was able to visit her again in Connecticut for a couple days. I feel Seriously, So Blessed!
Also last week I met up with the amazing Lorrie at her home in Mid-town Manhattan. Her adorable children delighted me, 
and then we all went over to her studio and painted pottery. Her devoted spouse, who definitely earned his title (SexyHusbandOfMine, or “SHOM”) showed up too. It was so great to finally meet her IRL after reading her blog for the past year+. Meeting Debbie, Keri and Lorrie in person has been one of the highlights of the past 3 months.
and then we all went over to her studio and painted pottery. Her devoted spouse, who definitely earned his title (SexyHusbandOfMine, or “SHOM”) showed up too. It was so great to finally meet her IRL after reading her blog for the past year+. Meeting Debbie, Keri and Lorrie in person has been one of the highlights of the past 3 months.
The reason I was in NYC in the first place is because my bestie Joni planned a girls-weekend get-away with some friends and invited me along. 
Joni is responsible for much of my mental well-being this past year, so please send her thanks if that matters to you. She likes FastBreak candy bars and Starbucks. Joni watered and dined me all over the city for three glorious days, and truly, if she hadn’t planned the trip, I wouldn’t have gone out at all. I’ll have to do a separate post about that trip, because it’s full of adventure and intrigue, and I saw a lot more people than I have mentioned here.
Joni is responsible for much of my mental well-being this past year, so please send her thanks if that matters to you. She likes FastBreak candy bars and Starbucks. Joni watered and dined me all over the city for three glorious days, and truly, if she hadn’t planned the trip, I wouldn’t have gone out at all. I’ll have to do a separate post about that trip, because it’s full of adventure and intrigue, and I saw a lot more people than I have mentioned here.
School started back in August and Bunch & Gator attend two different schools now, which is a first. It’s tricky to keep up with their different schedules, but I’m starting to get the swing of it. Bunch is loving junior high , and Gator seems to be writing an updated iteration of Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing. We’re working on it.
And finally, Doc is racking up interview invitations for Transitional Year and Residency programs. He’s got them strewn from coast to coast in the next three months. When I told him he didn't need to interview at SO many places ("we're not going to end up matching at your last choice" I said), he said "you never know..." To which Bunchkin replied "I guess there is such thing as being too modest".
It’s going to be a spendy few months, because despite the fact that he has flight benefits on my airline, the fact is you just don’t fly standby to job interviews. So we’ll be buying up seats, hotels, and car rentals all over the country. Good times. (I’m hoping I can get away and join him at some of his interviews…of course it’s okay if I fly standby!)
Alrighty then. I’ve been working on this post for 3 days and it’s kind of lame, but I’m posting it now and moving on because the day is beconing and there is work to do.
Grateful for:
1) Debbie. You will likely read this; you are insight in my life.
2) Joni. You may never read this, but you are light in my life.
3) Lorrie. You might read this; you are kindness in my life.
3) Keri. You will probably read this, and you are joy in my life.
4) Insight, Light, Kindness and Joy.
1) Debbie. You will likely read this; you are insight in my life.
2) Joni. You may never read this, but you are light in my life.
3) Lorrie. You might read this; you are kindness in my life.
3) Keri. You will probably read this, and you are joy in my life.
4) Insight, Light, Kindness and Joy.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
One Year
A year ago today things turned upside down in my world. One moment I was humming along kind of obliviously naïve, and then literally in a single moment, I had the air sucked out of me and felt like I was suffocating.It was the start of the hardest year of my life. A year of evolution, a year of movement within me, and a year of hard, hard work…which continues even now as I uncork the pain bottled inside me for so long and struggle to find my footing in this world.
There have been days when I felt like I was being water boarded. There have been lots of tearful days, and a few astonishing hours of raw fury and rage seeping up from the deep. But there have also been days when I literally drop to my knees in awe and humility at the love and kindness shown by people around me. Days when the world is so bright and beautiful I can scarcely contain my joy. Days when beautiful music reaches into my soul and wraps my heart in feelings inexpressible. I am so grateful for those moments.
Any of you who have read my blog for longer than a few months know that I’ve struggled with depression, among other things. This isn’t new, but dealing with it head-on is. I’d forever adopted the “I’ll handle this on my own” approach all my life, but I’ve learned that there is no shame in accepting help when you’re struggling.
And help has come in surprising forms…not the least of which was cherished new friendships borne from blogging. I’ve also treasured re-connecting with people from the past and gaining a closeness that wasn’t ever there before. Help has come from learning to be honest with myself about things, healing wounds in my soul, and re-training my thoughts. It’s been a year of wonders. I’m still learning, and I’m sure I’ll still have a lot of hard days. But praise be, I’m making it. (With a little bit of help from my friends.)
♥felt thanks for all the cheers from my fan section. ♥
Grateful for:
1) Sunlight after storms
2) Serendipity
3) Renewal
Photo credit: taken by yours truly from my back porch of rainbow over my mountain
Thursday, October 1, 2009
A Poem
Gator came home from school with a new homework packet for the coming week (even though there is only one day of school between now and the day it's due because of school vacation. Which I have issues with because it's vacation! In 4th Grade! But I'll spare you my strong stance on the matter.)
Anyway, one of the assignments is that he must write a poem; a line poem to be exact, which is when you take a concept or idea, and write short lines that don't necessarily rhyme about it.
Since I'm going to make my kid do it, I thought I'd put myself through the exercise, you know, out of solidarity. Here goes my attempt:
Fall
Crisp air
Wisps of chimney smoke
Crunching leaves
blazing colors swirling in the wind
Cozy sweaters
Homemade soup
Yellow, brown, orange, red
Cinnamon and nutmeg
Caramel apples
Baking bread
Wrapping up in the Snuggy
Reading a good book.
♥
I guess there are some things I like about fall. (Even if it did snow on the last day of September.)
Grateful For
1) nutritious, hearty foods
2) walks
3) having my kids and Doc with me all weekend long.
Anyway, one of the assignments is that he must write a poem; a line poem to be exact, which is when you take a concept or idea, and write short lines that don't necessarily rhyme about it.
Since I'm going to make my kid do it, I thought I'd put myself through the exercise, you know, out of solidarity. Here goes my attempt:
Fall
Crisp air
Wisps of chimney smoke
Crunching leaves
blazing colors swirling in the wind
Cozy sweaters
Homemade soup
Yellow, brown, orange, red
Cinnamon and nutmeg
Caramel apples
Baking bread
Wrapping up in the Snuggy
Reading a good book.
♥
I guess there are some things I like about fall. (Even if it did snow on the last day of September.)
Grateful For
1) nutritious, hearty foods
2) walks
3) having my kids and Doc with me all weekend long.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)