The Ugliest Girl in the World

Growing up in my dysfunctional family resulted in me being a pretty big social misfit. The first few years of elementary school weren't too bad, but by around 3rd grade, things started deteriorating fast.  Daily teasing and ridicule was pretty much the norm. I eventually stopped questioning the labels given me by various classmates, and coped in the only way I knew how; I tried to be nice.

I was eager to please my teachers, tried to be a "good girl" and obey all the rules, but it wasn't making things better. "Just ignore it and they'll get bored and find someone who they can get a rise out of", grownups would tell me. I clung to the hope that if I just hung in there without retaliating, eventually my tormentors would give up, and maybe even come to like me. I told myself "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me".

But labels do hurt. They are like splinters that get under the skin and fester if not dealt with. I began to actually believe some of the things the kids were telling me. "You're the ugliest girl in the world" was the big one. "No one will ever marry you! You're worthless."

By about age twelve, I was convinced that it was true.

Junior high was especially rough. I got beat up a couple of times at school, my home life was pretty miserable, and I could just not figure out how to fit in. 

Even though I was allegedly the ugliest girl in the world and no one would ever marry me, I actually had a secret fantasy that there would be an Ugliest Person in the World contest, and I would be the winner. The runner up in my contest would be male, and though he wasn't as ugly as me, he would agree to marry me...out of pity.

(You could make this stuff up, but I'm not.)

By the time I got to high school, it was (ironically) the guys from my church and their friends who were the most ruthless. Every morning at 6:00 a.m., we had an hour-long scripture study class at the church...you know, where we learned about Jesus, and treating others with love and kindness...after which we would head up to the school and wait in the cafeteria for an hour till school started.

This was one of the toughest hours of my day.

These guys had a yellow Pee Chee folder filled with paper, and my initials written in big, bold letters on the front. Every morning they'd get out the folder, and compete with each other to see who could come up with the best insults to call me. They'd write them down, and use them on me. Their lists grew long over time. I sat a distance away from them and tried to ignore them, but they never gave up.

Freshman year I was enrolled in drama, in which there were students from every grade including some twin brothers named Nick and Todd. They were seniors, and nice guys who were generally well-liked. I didn't think they'd ever noticed me. But one morning in the cafeteria before school, the twins walked by. One of the Pee Chee folder guys called out to them, "hey, check out 'Blackbutt's lame hat today", gesturing my direction.

What happened next quite literally changed my life. 

Rather than join in on the ridicule, these two guys stopped, glanced at me, then looked back at the boys and said, "You mean Blue?"

"No, the one sitting on her face" a different guy said, pointing toward me.

Nick looked at these freshmen boys and said "Actually, that's our friend, Blue". His look and tone indicated to them that he knew exactly what they were doing, and that they'd better watch it. With a warm smile in my direction, they wished me good morning, then continued on their way.

It was a very small moment for Nick and Todd; it cost them nothing. But for me it was literally life-saving. It ignited a flicker of hope in my heart. The twins made an effort to be friendly to me from then on. They were good guys who probably had no idea that this small, kind gesture literally started me on the road to healing and self-esteem. They gave me the first glimmer of hope that I wasn't completely worthless. Their kindness meant a great deal to me that year before they graduated and moved on with their lives.

Twenty years quickly passed. I actually managed to marry a great guy (without entering any contests even!) and have a beautiful family. Life has turned out to be far richer than I ever dared imagine back in those dark days.

A couple years ago I ran across the twins and decided to share with them the rest of the story. I didn't know if they'd remember me, but I wanted them to know what a difference their small kindness that morning had made. They had no idea what my life was like at that time, what kind of abuse or neglect I was living through, nor what their gesture could have meant to someone in my position. It was a joyful moment for all of us.

I'm so grateful for the random acts of kindness that I get to do for others. There are so many opportunities around us to brighten a life, and those are the moments that fill our own lives with joy. The effort may not change a person's destiny, but then again, it just might.