If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.

Have you ever googled pick-up lines? Neither had I...until today. And man, there are some really BAD ones out there!


So why am I googling pick up lines?  Well, Doc and I decided to go on a fun date this weekend, pretending we've never met before.  We'll just happen to cross paths at a place downtown, where he'll see me, be smitten, and decide to pick up on me...a complete stranger. 


The rule is we can't break character, or let on that we know anything about the other person at all.  We can invent whatever histories we want for ourselves, mixing fact and fiction any way we like.   


It's going to be so much fun!  


So since this is new territory for me...I mean, really, 25 years ago when we started dating it was much simpler and I never experienced anything like this...I decided I'd better put some thought into my character for the night.  For example, what is my name? What is my life like? (have I ever been married? Do I have kids? Where do I work? Have I lived here long?)  What are my hobbies, interests? And also, how does the whole pickup-scene work, anyway? I've never thought much about it. Anyone have any tips for me?


The prospect of having a one-night-stand with my husband is so exciting I can hardly stand it!


Now to figure out how to look smokin' hot.

7923

Fun little tidbit: 

I was single for the first 7923 days of my life, and today marks 7923 days of marriage to Doc. Exactly HALF MY LIFE!

Doc hit this same milestone on Tuesday, November 29, 2011.  (Yes, he's younger than me.) (#Cougar)

Here's to another 7923! (puts us at Thursday, January 12, 2034)

Puerto Rico Redux

Last week Doc and I went on a quick get-away to Puerto Rico. We had a free round-trip ticket that we had to use or lose, so we booked his flights (I can always sit on a jumpseat if a flight is sold out, so I don't purchase tickets for myself. Does mean I'm often tired when traveling, as sleeping on a jumpseat will get you fired).

We've vacationed in Puerto Rico a few times now, so we knew it would be a perfect place to go for our short window of time ( 2 full days sandwiched between travel days), and that we'd be able to find affordable accommodations.  Hotwire.com generally serves us well when scoring deals on hotels...and this time was no exception. The Wyndham Rio Mar resort was beautiful, in a great location, and we got it for only $90 a night! I should note that in typical resort fashion, prices for everything you could buy onsite were outrageous. We literally didn't purchase anything while there, instead we got some basics at the local Amigo grocery store to eat during the day, and had a nice dinner out each night for local cuisine.

Rio Mar is directly in front of the entrance to the only rain forest in the National Park system: El Yunque.  We've hiked there twice before, once with my inlaws and once with our kids, and it's absolutely gorgeous. This time we ended up hiking for about five hours, but actually, that wasn't intentional. After our first two hikes, we were heading back to our car and took a trail unintentionally, which led us on a long path to the top of the mountain. We realized fairly soon that we were heading up, but decided to keep going. We were both glad for the experience and the beauty we enjoyed during our wanderings.

We had barely set foot in the lobby to check in to our resort when a friendly man in line behind us told us about this Mini Boat Adventure that he highly recommended. We looked into it and were grateful for the suggestion. It was FANTASTIC!  We loved having our own little boat and some time on the open ocean and snorkeling around some reefs and exploring the little islands.  The guides took all the photos of us from that day, and we had such a great time free-diving and seeing the sea life.

We love Puerto Rico and have enjoyed many wonderful outings during all our visits. The Bio Bay is one of the most magical experiences we've ever had. We've visited the Camuy Caverns and drunk from what was once believed to be Ponce De Leon's Fountain of Youth (I will never die. Or at least avoid aging...not sure how these things work.). Visited Arecibo Observatory and the largest radio telescope on earth. Toured San Juan and all the old forts and historical sites. Spent some time in Ponce, and a few days on Culebra Island where we rented a boat and had some amazing snorkeling and diving experiences.  

Puerto Rico is what it's name says, a port rich in beauty and history and wonderful experiences. I highly recommend it!

Twenty-Four

From the moment I met him, he seemed larger than life. I think it was initially his mind that impressed me. He was one of those golden boys who had always had straight A's and full-scholarships. His artistic abilities were considerable, as were his musical talents. He was earnest, hard-working, un-assuming, kind-hearted, deep-rooted.  The list of his admirable qualities (which wasn't just in my mind...I actually wrote it down) was long.  He was unassuming and liked by all...or at the very least disliked by none, which was a feat I was particularly positioned to appreciate given my tumultuous  teen years.  He was from a lovely, solid family and had four younger siblings that adored him. He was well-adjusted and happy.

And he liked me.

ME!

(?!)

That fact alone was usually all it took for me to fall for a guy based on my self-worthlessness at that time. But for some inexplicable reason, I just wanted to be friends.  I really liked him. I admired him. But more than that, I just wanted to be with him...and any guy I'd ever fallen for in the past was pretty much a flash-in-the-pan and then our friendship was over. 

So I told him I just want to be friends, and even though he liked me still, he said "that's fine."  

And so it began.  

That was twenty-four years ago this month.  

We hung out all the time.  We could talk for hours about everything.  We DID talk about everything that crossed our minds.  He became my best friend and every moment that we were together felt miraculous and wonderful. It was like landing on a whole new universe of possibility and joy, being with him.   Pretty soon I realized that I was totally in love. And I told him so.  He said he'd been in love with me from the start. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that someone was actually in love with me. 

It was glorious.

Because of the difference in our self-esteem levels at that time in particular, it was easy to pedestalize him.  The sky was not a limit for him I secretly thought. I practically immortalized him, but he didn't let it go to his head or buy into it in any way.  Still, I knew we were going to be an amazingunstopableandchangetheworld couple, because he was more than enough to make up for my (believed) deficits. 

I had no real concept of what kind of pressure being highly-esteemed can create, to say nothing of the already internalized pressure of being a provider for a family when you're just barely done with childhood yourself.  He didn't seek my sky-high-opinion. He honestly didn't entertain thoughts of greatness. He has always been genuinely modest that way.  He treated me as though we were equals.

We wed early in the morning on a warm summer day in 1990. We were so young and undeveloped as individuals at the time, only twenty-one, but I felt confident about our ability to take on the entire world...every bit the legitimate grown-up that the law said we were (until the day we tried to rent a car and had an "under 25" policy apply.  But we've been married for three years! How am I not a full-fledged adult? I wondered.)  

I've come to think it takes most of your twenties to truly become an adult.

The pressure from without to be a certain way comes from all sectors: family, school, church, work, friends, country.  It is present in all our lives, but I think some individuals are more deeply affected by it than others...they internalize it.  The expectations inspire some, but anchor others, and not always in a place they wish to be. This can be a heavy responsibility. I think of young teenage boys who are drafted to fight older men's wars, and the heavy toll that is exacted of them in the name of duty, honor, responsibility to country.  Sometimes it's just way too much. But there are individuals who are really exceptional at carrying on, no matter what.

On this week of thanksgiving, I've been pondering the abundance of blessings in my life, and they are legion, but there was a moment when I sensed an awareness of gratitude for Doc, different than ever before.  

Perhaps it was the angle of weariness in his posture after a long, difficult day at the hospital, when he came home to a sick wife and neglected kids who needed nursing, food, homework help, and parenting, and he just took care of everything despite his own personal preferences and needs, that I became aware of this.

Of course this is just what we do, all of us, but I think it comes more naturally to some than others.  For some, it is actually a labor of love, a conscious choice made every time, rather than their natural way of being.  

Maybe it was as I lay upon my bed, home alone, head and body aching with fever, wishing for comfort and relief from any one, but realizing it was him that I would have especially liked to have near me.

No matter when it happened, there came a moment when I saw my sweet husband with new eyes. With a wash of appreciation for his steady, enduring, patient, endless presence and love in my life. For his forgiving nature, his long-suffering with things that he'd otherwise have not had to have in his life, were it not for the choice he made to just love me, loose ends and all, those many years ago. And the many years since.  

For how he does his very best to manage and meet the great number of different expectations so many people have of him in the best way he can, while still retaining a sense of who he is on his inside.   It's a hard juggling act, and one that many people would have just walked away from altogether.  But he stays, and keeps juggling.

Today I'm very grateful for my dear husband, whom I call Doc.  His name is Brad, and my name is Julia. He calls me silly nicknames more than my own name (today I'm "Jay-beepen-beeber"). He makes me laugh and makes me proud and makes me stretch and learn and grow by just journeying through the years with me.

He still believes in me and what I might accomplish in my life...calls me his "wild card". He encourages the best in me, but never tries to live my life for me, and even if I never do anything exceptional or amazing, he'll still be here for me. 

He hugs me goodbye every morning though I'm still in bed when he leaves for the hospital.  He reads what I write and gives me thoughtful, encouraging feedback. He puts up with my lack of consistent domesticity, my tendency for messes and clutter. 

He takes exceptionally good care of himself in terms of food and exercise and health. He gives his time and money and support to things that I believe in. He is diplomatic and tactful. He has never laid a finger on me no matter how infuriating I may be at times and I know I can trust him 100%. He appreciates the smallest things I do, like making a nice dinner, or folding his clean laundry.  

He fathers our sweet children in a gentle, kind way, and has a tender, beautiful relationship with each of them.  We aren't perfect and we've had our major ups and of course even more major downs because that's just how all relationships are, but he's on my team and is a constant I can hang my star on. 

For these reasons, and countless more, I am exceptionally grateful.  In fact, in the vast universe of things I count as blessings in my life--which includes all my dear friends, and you lovely readers of this blog, I think Doc, my Brad, is probably the what I'm MOST grateful for on this day of Thanksgiving.  And that's just how it should be.

I love you, Sweetest! And I'm grateful for twenty-four years of life with you! ♥

Match Moment. After years of schooling and applying to various residency programs all around the country, this envelope revealed what kind of doctor he would train to be during residency, and where that training would take place.
That was an incredible experience.

A Saucy Post

I'm not much to write about in the kitchen.  Sure, I have made a few cakes that have been a hit, and my English Toffee is THE STUFF OF LEGEND.  But really, cooking has never been a strong suite, and I think it's because for most dishes, the key is THE SAUCE.  

And by sauce, I mean the seasonings, gravies, saucy, flavorey things that you add to the bulky ingredients.  This is where I have a deficit and need help.  Because, plain baked chicken? Boring! Chicken baked in heaven makhani sauce? I'd live on a deserted island with nothing else to eat for the rest of my life.  Fancy cut of steak? Meh.  But whatever it is that they put on it and do to it over at Christophers? Oh.My.  

So I think what I really need is a sauce cooking class.  Where you learn how to make all the seasonings and sauces that make food so worthwhile.  The quarterly community college/continuing education catalogs come in the mail periodically, and they offer classes on everything from fringey alternative "medicine" therapies or how to communicate with the dead, to basic computer skills, but I have never seen a cooking class that focuses on just the seasonings and sauces side of cooking. Someone get on that, will you?! And sign me up. Alternatively, does anyone know of a sauce-blog that teaches this stuff. With pictures?

Okay, not saucy enough? Here's Doc and I on Saturday night dressed up as Harry and Hermione GONE DARK. Only Doc looks like HARRY AFTER JOINING KISS, and I just look like a vapid witch that has never even heard of Hermione.  That's what The Dark does to people, ya know?!

Doc has Harry's spectacles on, but the black makeup around his eyes did a good job of concealing that fact. And btw, did you notice how young I look with superlonghair? Hmmm...

 Also, it's November 1st, so only 11 days till The Dance. And it's snowing at my house. We all know how much I love the snow. (Kimber? Is your spare bed available?!)

25 August 1990

Grateful for:

1) The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, The Beautiful, and all the Lessons Learned.
2) This first image of us as married people.
3) The chance for another 20 years. There may be no such thing as "wedded bliss", but I'm grateful for my life with this wonderful man (who, as it turns out, left for work before 4:30am today). ♥ you Doc!

The Mother of All Candy Cards

I finally did the video like I promised. Here is Doc reading the candy card I made him for his birthday last month, which was the day before he graduated from medical school.

Grateful For:
1) Friends. Don't they just make life grand?!
2) Sunny, hot days. 'Cause we've had a shortage of them round here this year. (It's only 55 degrees Fahrenheit right now!)
3) Our kids are taking swimming lessons. I'm so glad about this! (I've been rather a lame mom in the making sure my kids are well-trained in water department.)
*•♫*♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥*♫´¯`☆

Doctor Doctor

In about 3 hours, Doc and his fellow classmates will again join together and take the Hipocratic Oath, only this time they will be attired in traditional academic regalia and be hooded as they receive their diplomas.

It seems like just a couple months have passed since their white coat ceremony when they first made that same oath and began this journey. Doc has some of the finest people I know as classmates, and it has been an honor to get to know them as they've studied their brains out these past four years.

So naturally I can't sleep. The only other time in my life that I have felt this crazy combination of excited/happy was the night before our wedding...random, huh?! I'm just so proud of Doc, and all that he has accomplished! It's been a zany, difficult, happy, painful, exciting and successful road this past four years. And it's going to be more of the same for the next six or seven. But I'm so glad we've come this far as a family.

Doc is going to be a neuroradiologist. The path from here to there begins with today's graduation ceremony, followed by a transitional year at a local hospital, followed by four years of radiology residency at a different local hospital, and then a year or two of fellowship in neuroradiology. So for the foreseeable future, he will be training and working crazy hours just like the last four. But he'll be helping people and learning vast amounts of information that will bless countless lives. And he loves this stuff! I've never met anyone who was as passionate about learning as Doc is (well, except for maybe my sister. Maybe.)

Some people have asked why I call him "Doc" when he isn't actually a doctor yet and it's because I'M A COMPLETE NARCISIST. But as my sister always reminds me, he already is a doctor. He earned a Ph.D. in biology and anatomy years ago, and then taught medical school in New England before deciding to become a physician.

For some reason we didn't really celebrate that accomplishment-which is too bad because it was a lot of work. He didn't even attend his graduation ceremony. I think we might have already moved by the time it took place. But not this time! We're doing it up in fine fashion. Partly because this whole week has been a series of award ceremonies and banquets, but also because yesterday was Doc's birthday!

He had an award banquet last night, and when I found out about it, I coordinated with the people in charge to present him with his birthday cake when they gave him his award. It worked out perfectly because alphabetically, he was the last recipient of the evening, so when the dean called him up, he announced that it was also his birthday as the cake I'd made was brought out and everybody sang to him.

Doc and the dean after the ceremony.

It was awesome. And a total surprise for Doc. We were delighted that his parents, our kids, and my sister and brother could join us for the event. It was a fun night.

Close-up of his cake

When we returned home, the MOTHER OF ALL CANDY CARDS was waiting for Doc. I made a little video of him reading it which I'll post when I get a chance, but here's a photo of it.

Candy Card

Well, I best get ready for this day. The butterflies in my stomach don't really make sense to me; I'm not the one walking across the stage! But never again will we have a day like today. I'm so happy for Doc, and so proud of him. And Doc, when you read this (yes, he actually does read my blog and all your comments even though he's never left a comment himself)...WAY TO GO! You're simply amazing and I love you!

Grateful for:

1) The Enormous Village who have helped us get this far.

2) Generous friends who let me commandeer their home for 2 days while working on the cake and card. Wouldn't have happened without everything you did!
3) People everywhere who work hard to be the best at what they do. Don't you love how they make the world so much better?!

Enjoying The DR

This past week, thanks to the support of one of my angel friends who watched the kids for us, Doc and I were able to get away for a little "honeymoon". This summer we celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary, but Doc will be knee-deep in rotations, without so much as 40 straight hours off work by then.

So since he had a break between his last class and graduation this coming Saturday (!), we took advantage of the super-awesome deals I get through my job, and, using money Doc won for a paper he wrote, spent 5 days at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic. It Was Heaven!

I've already documented the trip in my journal, but since ya'll won't be reading that, there were a few things I thought I'd share here.

First off, I believe marriages would start off better if all newlyweds could have a get-away like the one we just had. I wish we'd had something like it 20 years ago...what a way to begin your life together! We're of the (increasingly rare, old-fashioned) mindset that you wait till you're married to live like you're married, if you follow my meaning, so it really was a big change for both of us. Knowing what I know now, I'm going to strongly encourage my kids to make sure they plan a real honeymoon when they marry...I'm a believer!

Anyway, with no domestic responsibilities to worry about, we spent hours together, just hanging out at the pool, in the ocean, taking moonlight walks along sand so soft it was almost like talcum powder. We ate when we felt like it, slept when we wanted to, went boogie boarding, snorkeling, or sailing on the catamaran, stayed up late, star-gazed, read books, enjoyed afternoon "siesta's", and had lots and lots of good talks. It was a great re-connect and re-discover each other week, and I'm so grateful for the chance to experience that with Doc.

The resort we stayed at had a few surprises. First, it really was ALL inclusive! You could literally eat and drink 24-hours a day, as much as you liked. Having food available whenever you wanted...with no dishes or prep or cleaning up? Wow! And no worrying about carrying cash around for tips...they were already included. Nice.

We were also surprised at how very international the resort was. For the first time in my life, I felt like a minority as a U.S. tourist. People were speaking every language under the sun. Lots of guests from Russia, Europe, South America, Africa. Neither of us anticipated that we would be the only Americans we'd cross paths with there. Even after they found out we spoke English, they didn't necessarily guess "USA" for our country. It was crazy. And Awesome!

Being such an international destination, there were different standards of...ahem...swimwear. Suffice to say, my kids would have been somewhat horrified by a number of them, and I confess I never did quite get used to that part. But everyone was friendly, and it was a perfect week. The weather, the water temp, the landscaping and The Beach (beyond amazing!!!)...simply couldn't have been improved upon.

One weird thing: there was almost NO critter life there! Save for fish in the sea, I think I saw 4 birds and one frog in terms of wildlife. No bugs, geckos, lizards, roaches, etc. It was strange to be on an island not teeming with crawlies and creepers. Not that I minded, mind you (though I did wonder if they've just poisoned the jeepers out of the area. Ewww!)

When our time in paradise was over, we weren't too sad because we had an overnight stay in Manhattan. We met my aunt and uncle whom I adore for a lovely dinner and too-quick visit, after which they left for their home in the country while we stayed in their amazing apartment in the city. It really has to be seen to be believed. (Neighbors include Paul Simon and Lorne Michaels. Yeah.)

We arrived home to happy kids who were glad to see us, but not homesick or pining away at all...which I'm SO thankful for! How lucky to have a friend watch them that they feel completely at ease with.

Grateful for:
1) Shelah
2) D&K
3) The chance to enjoy the DR (pun intended)
4) The fact that this is my last week eVAH as the wife of a full-time, unemployed student.

Yesterday was TEAONUI

Teaonui [tay-ow-new-ee] ~ noun
A Tahitian given name meaning "Dawn of an important day".

Teaonui is my darling nephew's middle name, but it also aptly describes yesterday.

For anyone who has any doctors or future doctors in their lives, I recommend reading "An Insider's Guide to the Biggest Week in Medical Education" which explains Match Day with great humor and clarity.

It was a very busy day too...which is why I just now added a photo to yesterday's post. Between the Match ceremony brunch and the match dinner in the evening, we picked up Bunch and Gator from their schools and took them to a frozen yogurt shop. After allowing them as many toppings as they liked (we never splurge for toppings), I asked if they wanted to enjoy their yogurts first before we told them the news. "NOOOOO!" thy both insisted. So Doc laid it out: "We're staying here. For all of it. We're not moving at all."

It took a moment to sink in, but they were so happy! Both had assumed we were moving for sure.

At the ceremony when Doc first opened the envelope, any disappointment at not matching at our 1st choice in Boston for the coming year was immediately tempered by the fact that we knew our kids would be thrilled about staying put. Especially Gator. He's been praying for months and months that we wouldn't have to move. Bunch had a more adventurous attitude about it, and was looking forward to parts of it in a way, but she's very happy to just stay here, too.

When we read the letter, I confess that tears sprang to my eyes. Part of it was probably just relief. Relief at knowing our future and having the ability to make plans is huge. And in that moment, my huge mental "Thing's I'm going to Have To Do" list just simply evaporated. No packing. No finding renters, or a place to rent, planning the details of two transcontinental moves in a year, or dealing with utilities, registering for schools, finding music teachers, doctors, dentists, etc.

But a tiny bit of those tears was due to the things that won't be now, either. Like living near the ocean and the amazing natural beauty of the area (I watched the sun set in Boston on Tuesday and rise there on Wednesday morning and was filled with peace and anticipation about more moments like that). Or getting to know the friends I made there better. I really liked them.

And my WORK! I was SO excited about not commuting by plane to get to work for a year. To have the luxury of just getting in my car and driving 20 minutes to the airport when I need to be there was so appealing. Especially after last weekend when I had to leave a day earlier than planned to make sure I'd get there because of canceled flights the next day, and then my flight was canceled, so I was scrambling to find ANYONE with an empty seat to any southern California airport that I could jump on. Ten hours after leaving home, I finally arrived, exhausted at the Orange County airport.

A dear friend offered to let me stay at her place, but she had to work early, so she enlisted her boyfriend to pick me up and drive me to LAX for my flight the next morning. We were about 40 minutes from LAX, in the far left lane of the 405 freeway, when there was a tremendous BANG and this happened:



After quick silent prayer and heartfelt plea for help, a tow truck arrived in record time, a kind stranger at the tire store offered to drive me to Long Beach airport, and from there I hopped on a shuttle to LAX and made it before the plane arrived.

All that just to get TO get to work.

It's not like that every time obviously, but you can imagine now why I was looking forward to just living at my crew base for a year.

But apparently we're meant to stay put, and I'm fine with it. Doc will have a much harder year at the program he matched into...it was his last choice out of all those he interviewed with in terms of the program, but he ranked it 2nd because it's here, and unless we lived by a crew base, moving would only make things harder for all of us. So we'll work it out, month by month, and soon we'll be looking back on the next year just like we have these past four years, and wondering at how fast it passed by.

As for today, it's the first day of the rest of our lives here. Time to run a few errands that I've been putting off, and then I think I'll start finally turning this house into a home. Our real home. More on that later...

Grateful for:
1) The kindness of all the people I met in Boston last December. I'm sad we won't get to be neighbors and better friends.
2) All the happy support we got yesterday. A special thanks to each of you bloggy readers, known and unknown, for all the feedback and good wishes. You're the best! ♥
3) Since we're staying, and thanks to Doc's parents, we're going to get new carpet!!! Goodbye nasty, ripped, stained, dirty, snagged carpet that I've just always tried to make peace with.

And The Actor, errr, DOCTOR Goes To...

Utah (transitional year) and Utah (radiology residency)!

We're stayin' put for the rest of our kid's childhoods. More later...

Grateful for:
1) my son's anxiety over possibly moving not actually resulting in vomit last night
2) my potential "to do" list just got a whole lot shorter
3) how ecstatic our kids were when we broke the news.

It's ALMOST like having a baby

When I was expecting both my babies, I was among the increasingly rare "I don't want to find out what we're having" group. In fact, during that time, I didn't know anyone else who opted not to find out the gender of their child before the birth (or at least try to find out. And sometimes they were told one thing but got the other. Ooops!)

Your mileage may vary, but I figured I didn't have that many more happy surprises ahead of me in life, and it just seemed like delaying finding out that tidbit of information would generate a level of anticipation and excitement for me that is elusive and hard to come by. I wanted that excitement all at once at the end.

That said, if there were an ultra sound place that would tell me where Doc is going to match for his Transitional Year and Residency, I'd have camped out on the doorstep of the office to be first in line.

This waiting thing is KILLING me!

To be fair, pregnancy lasts just 40 weeks. Medical school has lasted four years. And though here we are, winding up for the home stretch, it feels like that last month of pregnancy feels...where the being pregnant part is getting old, and you'd really like to move on to the being a parent part of the process.

Next week, on the 18th at 10:00 a.m. in fact, Doc will be handed an envelope which will finally reveal all, and that moment will change all our lives forever. See...it's almost like having a baby...via scheduled c-section! So in just over 200 hours, the waiting will be over.

I should try to adopt that same "I don't know, I don't want to know, and I'm fine with not knowing" attitude I came by so naturally back when I was expecting. After all, this is potentially the quiet before the storm. Right now, I can't really make any plans. I don't know if I'm going to have to kick it into high-gear and prepare for one move, or two moves, or if I'll just be staying put here for the next five years, in which case you can bank on me making some fun summer plans.

I'll certainly keep you posted.

Grateful for:
1) The unlikelihood of Doc not matching (despite his anxiety about this possibility)
2) Knowing that whatever happens, things always work out after all. And besides, my motto is now Come what may and love it.
3) That my blog will go with me wherever I go. Or don't go.
4) That even though my laptop broke a few weeks ago (hence the reduced blogging time lately), at least the information on it can be recovered...and now I have to get a new computer! (just as soon as I get some more money).
5) Spring is almost here. Yay!!!
6) I made these "Just for Fun" cupcakes yesterday and had a good time giving them away to people:

Click picture to enlarge. Which is your favorite?

A True Love Story

One of the happiest times in my life was in January 1988 when I was a freshman in college. A couple months earlier, This Boy I'll call Doc had asked me out on a date. At the time, Doc was 18 years old, and I knew he was headed on a 2-year mission for the Mormon church that summer. He was a nice guy, but because of these facts, I wasn’t really focused on him at first.

I think it was after our 2nd date that I mustered up the courage to tell him “I just want to be friends.” There wasn’t anything wrong with him; I just knew that getting involved with a guy who was leaving for two years wasn’t on my To Do list, and I wanted to establish that point up front. “That’s fine”, Doc assured me, after I broke the news to him.

Perhaps because it was "fine" (it really did seem fine to him, even though I knew he was attracted to me), I was free to just relax and be friends without worrying about hurting him. After all, I'd warned him up front.

Well, we became better and better friends. Spending time with Doc was unlike any guy I’d ever spent time with. It was comfortable, with zero pressure coming from him to move things to the “next level”. He shared himself with me, telling me about his past, his family, his friends, and lots of his experiences. He helped me with my struggles and encouraged all that was best in me. We were getting closer and closer to each other, and before too long I realized that I loved this guy. I didn’t know that I was in love with him, but I’d gotten to the point that I didn’t want to imagine my life without him in it.

One evening when we were together, Doc told me “I want you to read my journal.” He’d started keeping it when he was 9 years old, so it covered half his life at that point. Unlike my former journal-keeping tendencies (which involved making lots of uninteresting lists and reviewing what I’d eaten, worn, or what had happened that day/week. It’s a total yawner, I'm afraid to admit.), Doc’s journal was a collection of heart-felt experiences, deep, personal thoughts, and things that mattered to him. Near the outset, he’d written that he was "never going to let anyone read his journal", because he wanted to be “free to write without censuring himself”. So it was ALL THERE, the raw, honest feelings of a boy becoming a man. It even included his first encounter with me (!!!), and his thoughts and feelings about that. I’ll spare you the details, thanks.

But reading his record did something to me. Through this process, I felt like I came to really know his soul. And his soul was so GOOD. So pure. So honest. I believe that the minute you truly know someone it's impossible not love them, because you understand them completely. That's got to have something to do with why God is able to love us.

Anyway, that night I kind of fell in love with Doc. Reading his journal just sealed the deal. But Uh Oh! I’d already told him I just wanted to be friends! Foolish foolish Blue!

We spent every free moment together. My heart was alive in a way it never had been before. One day I heard a song on the radio that seemed to perfectly describe how I felt about our friendship, and I recorded it on a tape cassette (yowza…how dated!) and memorized it. That night I asked Doc if he could bring his boom box with him when we went on a little walk. He said sure, and met me, with that big ole' boom box in hand.

We walked across the street and wandered behind a building to a grassy field with some trees. There was over a foot of snow on the ground, but there was a circle directly beneath a thick pine tree that was clear. Here we stopped, and I put in the tape I’d made off the radio, and proceeded to sing along with it for Doc. Which took a bit of moxy, because I don’t have any great solo voice. (To this day I'm still a little embarrassed by this, but Doc is nothing if not gracious, so it's okay.)

At the end of the song, which, mind you, was about friendship of the dearest kind, Doc looked at me and asked “what does it all mean?”.

I told him “I’m not going to say it first”…because of course that’s the guy’s job. But he persisted in asking, till finally I confessed it: “Oh Doc, you know I’m in love with you.”

He was in love with me, too. As it turns out. But that fact "was a given." For him it meant we were getting married (which is why he hadn't wanted to say anything. Can you blame him?!) And in the moment he told me so, it was like my whole life, my entire future, finally came into sharp focus. Truly, the Planets Aligned. Angels rejoiced. And I’m sure Bunch & Gator were up above cheering and doing the funky chicken together. As for me, I don’t know if my heart had ever been that full. No, I'm quite certain it hadn't.

You know that scene in the movie “Back To The Future” when Marty McFly’s parents finally kiss at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance, and the images of him and his siblings in the family photo he has with him solidify? That’s kind of what that night feels like to me. Because before that experience, my life was just kind of a hazy nebulous uncertainty. There were a lot of possible outcomes, and none of them were really all that desirable. But that night under the tree, my course became solid.

It’s 2010 now. This summer, in addition to his graduation from medical school, Doc and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. I did indeed wait out the two years he was serving the beautiful people in Argentina (note: longest two years of MY LIFE!). We were married a month after he returned, and the rest, as they say, is history. (But there are of course many good stories along the way.)

Last night I had a dream that Doc and I were at an island resort with all our closest friends and we renewed our marriage vows in a little ceremony followed by a grand celebration. It was a very happy dream, full of love and joy, and I awoke with an awareness yet again that, despite the bumps in our road, (for every road has pot holes), I’d marry That Boy all over again. And again. And again.

Happy Valentines Day Sweetest! ♥

Grateful for:
1) That Doc has been That Friend my entire adult life
2) The life we share together
3) All the fans in my cheering section. You are the greatest.

Boston

It was snowing sideways when we landed in Boston tonight. Big, white, heavy flakes racing past the windows as if they had something very important to get to. Our customers were a bit shocked at the sight...having left Fort Lauderdale, FL only 2.5 hours earlier...some were wearing only shorts and tank tops.

It is very possible that next summer my family will be moving to this area...it's Doc's first choice for Transitional Year programs and at this point it's unlikely that another program will attract him more. We'll find out in March where he matches for both TY and Residency (they're two different jobs.)

Living near Boston for a year would be an adventure we would all enjoy I think. For one thing, we have a flight attendant crew base here, which would mean that for the first time in almost a decade as a flight attendant, I could drive to and from work, instead of commuting on a plane to another city to start work. That's a huge plus for me, and the family.

Boston and the surrounding area has lots of history, with many interesting things to see and do. And the program here has the added bonus that Doc would be home a lot more than any other program he's interviewing at.

We talked to Bunch and Gator about change. How change is inevitable, but that it can also be a good thing. We learn and grow through change. Some changes aren't "happy" ones...death of a loved one, illness, accident, injury, job loss, losing, failing, moving, etc. But we learn so much from those experiences that we wrestle our way through. Most important, we learn that we can do hard things.

Moving would be hard. We don't know anyone near where we'd move. We'd have to make friends (good change), find new doctors, dentists, schools and church. Leaving behind belongings, deciding what we need to have and what we can A) donate, B) throw away, and C) store for a year while we're gone is a lot of work. But those are good things to do anyway.

Then again, we could end up staying in Salt Lake. Three months will tell, but no matter what happens, one thing is certain, and that is that life constantly changes.

Grateful for:
1) Pandora.com Their Christmas stations are the end all be all for holiday music.
2) Good co-workers. Priceless when you're on a four-day trip.
3) One more flight before I'm done for 2009!

Trying to catch up

I am frightfully (heh. Halloween) behind on a load of posts. Seriously dating back to at least August.

For example: I never managed to write about the trip I took Gator on to California to see John Williams conduct his annual “Night at the Movies” concert at the Hollywood bowl. Gator is crazy for John Williams…it's the only music he really likes. So it was a chance for Gator to see him live, you know, cause John is getting along in life and I felt like we should carpe diem and all that.

It was a fantastic show, and next time we'll know to bring a light-up light saber because the moment the Star Wars theme started, the entire audience pulled them out and "conducted" along with JW. It was so awesome. And actually the show choked me up. So many memories tied to his music. What a master. Gator loved this trip.

Blog friend Debbie and I had corresponded online for better part of a year at least, but we finally had our first in-real-life meet up, and she is as delightful in person as she is on her blog. We met during the trip to CA for the John Williams concert, and enjoyed sunshine, sand, sounds, smells and sweet conversations while Gator played in the ocean. She brought me a beautiful book (“Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh) tied up in a fabulous ribbon with a heart-rock and some blue sea glass which she collects on her many walks. It was a lovely visit.

In August, I flew to Syracuse, NY where blog-reader-stalker friend Keri and I met for the first time. Keri has the distinct honor of being the one who sought ME out…and can I just tell you what a massive deposit that was in my self-esteem account?! She contacted me and we began corresponding back and forth, till I ended up visiting her where she spends summers with her inlaws on an island in the middle of the St. Lawrence river which is the boarder between the USA and Canada. It was such a wondrous time for me. I loved meeting Keri and her darling children, and we became fast friends within about 20 seconds I think. Among other things, she introduced me to river baths (what it sounds like), and got me up on water skis for the first time in a couple decades (which my muscles paid for for days) It was a spectacular visit, restorative in many ways. Fast forward to this past week when I was able to visit her again in Connecticut for a couple days. I feel Seriously, So Blessed!

Also last week I met up with the amazing Lorrie at her home in Mid-town Manhattan. Her adorable children delighted me, and then we all went over to her studio and painted pottery. Her devoted spouse, who definitely earned his title (SexyHusbandOfMine, or “SHOM”) showed up too. It was so great to finally meet her IRL after reading her blog for the past year+. Meeting Debbie, Keri and Lorrie in person has been one of the highlights of the past 3 months.

The reason I was in NYC in the first place is because my bestie Joni planned a girls-weekend get-away with some friends and invited me along. Joni is responsible for much of my mental well-being this past year, so please send her thanks if that matters to you. She likes FastBreak candy bars and Starbucks. Joni watered and dined me all over the city for three glorious days, and truly, if she hadn’t planned the trip, I wouldn’t have gone out at all. I’ll have to do a separate post about that trip, because it’s full of adventure and intrigue, and I saw a lot more people than I have mentioned here.

School started back in August and Bunch & Gator attend two different schools now, which is a first. It’s tricky to keep up with their different schedules, but I’m starting to get the swing of it. Bunch is loving junior high , and Gator seems to be writing an updated iteration of Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing. We’re working on it.

And finally, Doc is racking up interview invitations for Transitional Year and Residency programs. He’s got them strewn from coast to coast in the next three months. When I told him he didn't need to interview at SO many places ("we're not going to end up matching at your last choice" I said), he said "you never know..." To which Bunchkin replied "I guess there is such thing as being too modest".

It’s going to be a spendy few months, because despite the fact that he has flight benefits on my airline, the fact is you just don’t fly standby to job interviews. So we’ll be buying up seats, hotels, and car rentals all over the country. Good times. (I’m hoping I can get away and join him at some of his interviews…of course it’s okay if I fly standby!)

Alrighty then. I’ve been working on this post for 3 days and it’s kind of lame, but I’m posting it now and moving on because the day is beconing and there is work to do.

Grateful for:
1) Debbie. You will likely read this; you are insight in my life.
2) Joni. You may never read this, but you are light in my life.
3) Lorrie. You might read this; you are kindness in my life.
3) Keri. You will probably read this, and you are joy in my life.
4) Insight, Light, Kindness and Joy.

Nineteen

Nineteen years ago today, Doc and I were married in the Manti, Utah temple, which was completed in the year 1888 by the pioneers who settled that part of the country. It's one of the most beautiful places I have ever been in.

Together we walked up the open-center spiral staircase that winds up the 179-foot tower

arriving in The Wells Room, where our family and friends were awaiting our arrival.

We knelt across the altar from each other, and, holding hands, were married and sealed in holy matrimony for time and eternity.

As we left the temple, someone snapped this photo of us...the first ever of Doc and I as a married couple. Naturally, my eyes are shut.

Despite my inclination towards extremely poufy dresses with puffed sleeves, (when else would I ever be justified in such an exhibition?), and regardless of the various inauspicious events transpiring in my life during that time and since, we have been blessed in countless ways through our marriage.

Growing up we learn of marriage, and hear various bits of advice about how to find a suitable match, how to make it last, and the joys of happily ever aftering with your soul mate. Not much is told of how to weather the inevitable storms of life, when not to give up, and what is worth fighting for.

Doc and I have had our share of storms. And I'd be lying if there haven't been throw-in-the-towel moments for both of us. But I am humbled that somehow we have made it together this far. That we have both done enough right in our relationship that we still really do love each other, and want to be together.

There is something priceless and precious about being with someone through all those early years together. Through having our babies and raising them during those long, sleep deprived nights of their early years, while finishing college and graduate school, finding those first jobs, and the myriad experiences that have happened as we've come-of-age. There is a kind of intimacy and a sense of being known when you share these years together that can't be recreated later in life. We have countless memories with each other from these past 22 years since we fell in love.

So today, darling Doc, as you are away on call at the hospital, and busy tenderly serving people in very critical condition, I am thinking of you, and remembering all the years of life we've shared together. And I am so grateful for the forgiveness, the humility, the devotion, the commitment, the wisdom, love and support you have given me through both the good times and hard.

In a world where over half of marriages fall apart when the going gets tough, we have beaten the odds. And I hope we never stop beating them.

I love you Mr. Right! ♥

Grateful for:
1) Doc somehow finding me in this great big world. We were just 18.
2) Unconditional love.
3) Being married to an honest man.

Death By Chocolate

I thought I'd post last night, but it was just late and I was completely tuckered.

We had a fabulous celebration if I do say so myself. And it's just the first one...there will be more fun to come over this long weekend.

For dinner, I made Indian food...Chicken Curry served with rice and curry naan (a favorite around here) which I don't do often because of the time-intensive nature of it, but I sure love that stuff.

And then we had The Cake. It was so amazing that I plumb forgot the fruit sorbetto that I'd purchased to go along with it. Doc pronounced it the most beautiful and amazing creation yet. I'm so glad he liked it! Happy Birthday to my Sweetest! ♥

Pictures, followed by the recipe for those who are interested. Feel free to skip.

Blessings:
1. Chocolate
2. Fruit
3. Four decades of life









DETAILS:
In a springform pan (which I purchased just for this occasion), I baked an extremely rich fudge brownie. When it was done baking, I cut Priulene-type cookies in half and created a "fence" around the pan, sticking them into the brownie. Then I made a truffle filling using 79% cacao gourmet chocolate bars which I chopped up instead of chocolate chips. This was some rich chocolate truffle. I spread half of it on the brownie layer and chilled it. Using the other half of the truffle, I whipped up some sweet cream and mixed it with the truffle, to create a mouse layer on top of the truffle layer. Then I topped that with a sweet cream layer.

After chilling the cake for 5 hours, I mounded it with fresh strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and blackberries. After releasing the springform pan, I tied a slim ribbon around the cookies for decoration. Just before presenting it, I spent an hour (kidding!) adding the candles. Good thing our rogue smoke detector is missing it's batteries right now, or we'd have had the fire department visiting (and they'd have probably eaten the rest of the cake). I swear it weighed about 18 pounds...and now I weigh a bit more, too. Sigh.

Here's How I made it: It took me many hours.

ORDER OF OPERATIONS (to help you in planning your time).
Bake Brownies.
While brownies are in the oven, cut cookies in half.
While Truffle layer is chilling, wash the fruit. Place gently on paper towels to dry. I put mine in the freezer for a while to firm up and stay cool.
When Truffle is chilled, pour 1/2 on brownie.
Make the cookie fence.
Whip the first batch of sweet cream and add it to remaining truffle mixture.
Layer it on top of the truffle layer.
Make the 2nd batch of sweet cream and layer it on top of Mousse layer.
Chill for at least 4 hours.
After chilling, add fruit.
Remove the springform pan side.
Tie ribbon around cookies.
If you're doing candles, I used a little pin to carve out space in the tops of the cookies to create a hole for the candles.


RECIPE:
FIRST LAYER: BROWNIE BOTTOM
However you want to do this is up to you. If you have a killer homemade brownie recipe, more power to you. I personally felt just fine using a Ghiridelli Ultimate Fudge Brownie mix. You can use any brand you like, but make it using the fudge, not cake, recipe.

CRITICAL POINT: Bake in a 9 or 10 inch spring-form pan. You'll never get this cake out of a pan otherwise! Be careful not to over bake your brownie. Brownies don't look totally baked when you should take them out of the oven, but they cool to perfect doneness. Let the pan cool a bit, and then put it in the fridge to continue chilling.

SECOND LAYER: TRUFFLE
1/3 cup water
1 envelope unflavored knox gelatin
1 T Nutella. Oh Nutella!!!
1 1/4 cups butter. None of that margarine nastiness here.
12 ounces of the highest-quality chocolate you can afford to buy. I got 79% cacao gourmet bars and chopped them. You could downgrade and use something like Hershey's semi-sweet chips. You could. But if you're trying to impress anyone...
3/4 cup sugar
5 large egg yolks (get rid of all the whites)
3 Tablespoons water
2 teaspoons vanilla

First, chop the chocolate with the sugar till reasonably fine. I used my VitaMix Blender for this, but you can certainly use a food processor if you're the lucky owner of one.

Next, you place 1/3 cup water in a heavy 2-quart pan, sprinkle with gelatin. Let stand for 2 minutes, until gelatin is softened. Add butter and Nutella; heat, stirring, until mixture is boiling, butter and Nutella are melted, and gelatin is dissolved.

Now, with the VitaMix running, I poured the boiling butter mixture into chocolate mixture and processed it until the chocolate was melted. Whatever you're using, the goal here is to just get the chocolate melted to a satiny smoothness.

Then added the egg yolks, sugar, vanilla and 3 Tablespoons water to the chocolate mixture; process until smooth.

Now pour the mixture back into the saucepan and cook, stirring, over medium heat until it thickens.

Next, pour chocolate mixture into a large bowl. Place this bowl in an even larger bowl of ice and water to chill. Stir often until thickened.

Once it's thickened, place half of the chilled mixture over the cooled brownie in pan. Leave the other half chilling in the ice water for now.

NEXT STEP: COOKIES
2 cans of Pirouline-style cookies. I actually used Pepperidge Farms brand, which come in assorted flavors. I got Chocolate and Hazlenut...they make Vanilla too if that excites you. One can would barely be enough to get around the whole cake, and a number of them were broken so I'm glad I got two cans. Plus, Leftovers! (we never buy cookies around here)

Cut the cookies in half so they are about 2 1/2 inches long. Stand them up around the edge of the spring-form pan, with the bottom of the cookies resting in the truffle layer. Makes kind of a "fence" around your cake.


NEXT STEP: MAKE BATCH ONE OF SWEET CREAM
1 C heavy cream
1/4 cup of powdered sugar

Pour 1 cup of heavy whipping cream in a chilled bowl and beat until stiff with mixer.
Once it forms peaks, add 1/4 cup of powdered sugar and beat until very stiff.

THIRD LAYER: MOUSSE
Gently fold the remaining chilled truffle mixture into the sweet cream and mix till blended to a consistent light brown color. Spoon this mousse mixture on top of the truffle layer.

FOURTH LAYER: SWEET CREAM
Whip up your second batch of heavy cream (same recipe as above) until very stiff and place on top of the mousse. This can be piped on to make it look more decorative if you don't plan to hide it with fruit like I did.

If not putting fruit all over the top, you could garnish the cream with chocolate curls or shavings at this point. Either way, put the cake in the refrigerator for at least 4 hours until firm, or overnight.

FIFTH LAYER: FRESH FRUIT
Place the fruit of your choice (I used strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and blackberries. But sliced kiwis or mangoes would be awesome too. Whatever floats your boat.) on top of the Sweet Cream layer, arranged however you like.

FINAL STEP:
When ready to serve, remove spring-form ring from base. Wrap a ribbon around the cookies and tie in a bow.

WARNING: Before cutting this cake, you should be aware that it is one of the densest and richest things you will ever have the pleasure of savoring. Cut wedge shaped servings - 2, 3 or 4 cookies wide depending on each guest's appetite! Two was plenty for me. Doc had a hard time finishing a 4-cookies-sized wedge. I think sorbet or sorbetto would be the perfect compliment to this cake...assuming you have enough room left to accomodate it.

Serves at least 12 gluttonus pigs, but you could feed about 24 reasonable people with it too. Mine was 51 cookies around.

Doc's Latest Accomplishments...

So in addition to remaining extremely competitive with his academic pursuits, Doc has been capturing notice in other areas of his life lately as well.

Here he is, my own cover boy, hitting the newsstands nationwide today. These are two magazines I can't wait to find copies on the airplane!

D

another day, another month

Marching along are we?

February passed altogether too quickly for my preferences. I haven't been very good about blogging, and honestly it's like part of my brain is just not developed or something, because I see other women who have UBER busy lives yet they manage to bang out inspiring, insightful posts on a very regular basis. I don't know what's wrong with me when my darling punks trot off to school every morning, and Doc heads off to battle diseases, accidents and injuries...or at least learn how to, and I can't even toss out a measley crumb to the clamoring masses. Yeah, there are clamoring masses of you. The almighty Google hath declared it.

I actually have been writing a little bit, but not blog writing. I know, I know. It's hard to believe that I ever hold anything back from this little patch of cyber space, but in reality there is a lot that I write that just isn't fit for human consumption. So rather than run on and on, I opt for radio silence. Trust me, you're grateful. If I didn't restrain myself, you'd all become afflicted with blogging bulemia and have to purge. Never a pretty sight.

So now it's time for The March Good News Moment! Guess what kids? Doc was inducted into the AOA, which is apparently a pretty significant honor according to my friends who are doctors always tell it to me straight. About 5% of the medical students make the cut each year. According to the official website, students are picked not only for their "high academic standing, but as well for leadership among their peers, professionalism and a firm sense of ethics, promise of future success in medicine, and a commitment to service in the school and community."

If you know Doc, then you already know that this list defines him, and how he approaches medicine, so it truly is a well-deserved honor, and we're all really proud of him. By we I mean me. And Bunch and Gator are pretty psyched too...because it just means there's one more accolade to recommend him as The Best Candidate for the one radiology spot in the residency program here. And we none of us are interested in moving again if we can possibly avoid it. So here's hoping. He will be putting his application package together in the next few months, and sending it off September 1st. It's going to be a dizzyingly busy and expensive year for him.

Speaking of busy. As has been the case every March for the past 8 years, I'm heading to Orlando, Florida for my annual re-certification as a flight attendant. It should comfort the travelling public to know that flight attendants must go through all the safety, emergency evacuation, and medical drills annually, and make sure we still know our stuff. If we don't pass, we can't fly. Since I was hired this time of year, this is the month I always have training.

Now some people are jealous that I'm going to Florida, but lets just set the record straight: I fly across the country, arrive at about 9pm, go to the hotel, and then I have to be at the training facility at 7am EST. Which is 5 a.m. my time. My van to the facility will leave at 4:30 a.m. my time, which means I'll be getting up aproximately 3:30 a.m. my time, and then spending the entire day trying to yawn unobnoxiously and fighting to stay awake during the lecture portion. We finish at 7pm, and go back to the hotel and then take an early flight out the next morning.

So no, I won't be chillin' with The Mouse. Or going to any of the fabbo attractions in the area. I'll be evacuating a plane in 60 seconds, one that is filled with simulated smoke, while you see fire flashing out the windows as the structure shakes (it's actually a fabulous training tool. Love the trainer!)

And I still have to put in my regular flying hours in addition to the training. So I'll be away a little bit more this month than usual. Here's hoping no one gets sick while I'm away (like last month!), and that I'll qualify for another year of employement by the end of training. I always worry about this kind of thing. Cause a lot rides on it, not the least of which is that it's the best job I've ever had and I totally love it..

Something more interesting next time...I promise!