Grateful for:
1) The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, The Beautiful, and all the Lessons Learned.
2) This first image of us as married people.
3) The chance for another 20 years. There may be no such thing as "wedded bliss", but I'm grateful for my life with this wonderful man (who, as it turns out, left for work before 4:30am today). ♥ you Doc!
School started!
Here's the traditional "leaving for the first day of school" pictures of Bunch & Gator.
Technically, I should probably have written "Gator and Bunch", as the first picture is actually of Gator--who prefers riding bikes or being driven to school over The Bus. But the good news is NEW BUS DRIVER who has a lovely accent...I'm thinking South Africa but could be off by a few continents. We bribed her with gave her some of my amazing toffee and a friendly note so hopefully she'll be superniceallyear to my kid. Bunch is my lovely 8th grader this year. She couldn't wait for school to start, and was SO EXCITED to get rid of me when I took her to school that I was summarily dismissed and told to "go and do whatever it is that you do" when we got to school. (That "thing I do" would be the forest-worth of paperwork that it takes for a student to be completely registered and official these days.) I do believe it was the first time in my life that I didn't receive a hug and "I love you" upon saying goodbye. She made up for it after school.Gator and I rode bikes to his school which is a nice form of forced exercise as I have two round trips minimum on those days. He's had a fantastic attitude so far this year. I'm very impressed. I'm thinking 5th grade is going to be his year! More tomorrow.Grateful for:1) Happy kids in the morning2) Great school teachers. If they get more of my kid's time than I do, I want them to be nice!3) Tomorrow.
Staycation 2010 has officially ended. In eight hours, I'll be driving a car full of kids to another first day of school. It begins.In June we brainstormed a list of fun stuff to do this summer. Since it was a brainstorm, we didn't exclude any ideas the kids came up with., and we got about half of them in during the past 2 months. But we also had a lot of fun experiences that we didn't write down.
The majority of the summer was shared with cousins doing various activities together...which is about as close to heaven as my kids can imagine. I think it's a good sign that you've had a nice vacation when your 11 year old turns down a free trip to Disneyland for his birthday. (Yes, you read that right! His sister was having a hard time wrapping her head around this, but it was his call.)In addition to an abundance of extended-family time, I've had some fun experiences too. I went on my first cruise (will be getting a post of it's own soon), remodeled my bedroom (pictures to follow), started painting (pictures, not walls), read some great books, made some new friends, started writing a book, ate too much, didn't work out regularly, grew a big & happy basil plant, dreamed some dreams, baked goodies for people, set some goals, felt happy.I Love Summer! I love that I'm nearly 3/4 of the way through this year, and so far I'm doing pretty well with my 2010 slogan (see header above). Life is good. Grateful for:1) So many people who make my life, and lots of other people's lives, rich. Thank you. 2) Forced structure that school-time dictate. I'll be trying to make some good habits. 3) Happy moments with Doc. He's been amazing at juggling his life
PS: I have a confession: The junior high girls want to go to school a little early to set up their lockers etc., and I'm the driver tomorrow. But Gator hates waking up early...so I snuck in and set his clock 10 minutes ahead so he'll get up when I need him to.
Deception of the highest order, I know. Shoot me.
So yesterday I told you all about my Big Idea! of giving Stephanie Nielson an Anniversary Rock. (Note to self-should probably trademark these puppies lickedysplit before someone else does. Consider calling them Memorial Rocks, but that has a rather morbid connotation, no? Special Occasion Rocks? Gift Rocks? or "Because You Rock" rocks?)
But anyway, did you notice that I never mentioned exactly how I was going to accomplish the actual Giving of the Rock? That's right...I sneakily avoided that part because the problem is that I hadn't met the Nielsons before. So I was kind of hoping she'd announce another hike or anniversary meet up that I could go to. Failing that, I had this amorphous idea that I could drive down to her neighborhood and sort of, you know, cruise around...see if anyone could tell me where they lived. Maybe get lucky and see her kids playing outside. Perhaps ask some neighbors if they could direct me to her house, and bank on them not stereotyping me as a CRaZy StalKer WoMan.
Only problem is that's a little creepy, ya know?!
So my back-up plan was to take The Anniversary Rock to Megan's Sweet Tooth Fairy Gourmet Bake Shop. Stephanie is bffs with Megan. (I'd be Megan's bff too, if she was naming cupcakes after me and sourcing my sweet tooth needs.) I knew Megan's family as a kid, so I was planning to pull the "we grew up together" card to enlist her aid.
But then when Stephanie posted her 2nd anniversary blog this morning, she mentioned that they were going to visit the hospital burn unit here in Salt Lake City today. Not as a patient this time, but to visit the sick and comfort those who stand in need of comfort (Saint Stephanie strikes again!)
So huzzah! I had an even better Plan A! I'd just skip over to the hospital and hope to catch them during their visit. My new back-up plan was if they hadn't arrived yet, I'd leave it with a nurse to deliver (Note: nurses are seriously the BEST! This world wouldn't function without them. Doc says, so I know it's true.)
But then the sprinkler repair guys came, and Bunch had a long piano lesson, but when that was over, I skedaddled over to the hospital with my gift bag containing The Anniversary Rock(™).
I was so excited you'd think I was meeting with a major figure, like God himself or something! Imagine my surprise when the first person I spoke to in the burn unit didn't know who Stephanie is (?!?).
"She's not here", she told me. "We don't have anyone here by that name".
"No, she's not a patient right now", I explained. "She's visiting patients. No, I don't actually know her, but I'm stalking her so I can give her a rock, you see. It's a special rock. You could think of it as An Anniversary Rock(®)(™)......"
As I wasn't going away easily, she made a phone call and spoke with someone OBVIOUSLY more In The Know about these things, and I found out that yes, Nie and Christian were, in point of fact, by room 23 at that moment!
Queue exciting music!
I entered The Unit and the nurse (or doctor? Even married to one I can't tell the difference!) pointed me to the room they were in. I didn't want to interrupt, so I just waited in the hall till their visit with that patient was over, and then, There They Were! Right there in the hall. By me!
I honestly don't remember everything we talked about. I told them my name was Blue ("like the color?") and that I'd been with them last year on the hike to the Y, and that I'd wanted to give Stephanie a little gift I'd made for her.
Giving gifts is always a little scary, isn't it? I mean, there's kind of a knack to giving gifts people will actually like, and not just graciously pretend to like. DIGRESSION--Once when I was in 9th grade there was this really awesome senior boy that I was crushing on big time. Mainly because he hadn't been mean to me, and most boys were at that point in my life. But a little milk of human kindness, now that was enough to turn me into a complete nincompoop of infatuation.
So back to my crush. I wanted to do something extra special for him that Christmas, but naturally I had no money. So I thought "A Gift Basket!"
The finished product included a baggie of gummy bears, one unbroken candy cane, an orange, and--the best part--a slice of pudding-filled bundt cake from my 15th birthday wrapped in wax paper, all nestled in green Easter basket grass. Awesome!
After writing a heartfelt note telling him what a great guy he was, off on my bike I went to deliver it to him at his work.
On the way there, I stopped at the house of a little boy whose mom had recently died, and ended up giving him the candy cane and gummy bears. But that still left the cake and orange. (And the Heartfelt Card!)
By the time I got to the swanky exclusive golf course where he worked, I had started to feel a little self-conscious. Getting off my bike, I noticed that the orange had kind of mashed into the slice of cake during the ride, squishing some of the pudding filling out onto the bed of green plastic grass. That pretty much decided the matter and I was just about to get back on the bike and leave when suddenly I saw him with a group of guys on the edge of the course. Unfortunately he saw me, too, so there was no getting out of it.
Dreading every step of the walk over to him, I tried to figure out what I was actually going to say. He greeted me with his trademark friendly "hello" which I only realized later wasn't reserved-just-for-me, and I mumbled out something about wanting to give him "something special for Christmas", handed him the basket, and quickly excused myself.
Even though he'd been a perfectly gracious gentleman about it, a hot flush spread over my face as I avoided glancing towards him and the group of guys he was standing with. I had no idea what kinds of things guys in that position might say about a clearly crush-struck fifteen year old girl, nor what he thought of my "special gift". And I never found out because I don't think there's anything better for curing a crush than publicly embarrassing oneself. I avoided him the rest of the year till he graduated.
END DIGRESSION
Anyway, happily I'm not crushing on Stephanie. And The Anniversary Rock(©)(®)(™), while different, is probably more in the Good Different or Thoughtful Different, or even Artistically Different category, than the Weird Different. (right?!) I mean, at least I didn't walk away at the end wishing I could take back the previous fifteen minutes. Stephanie was every bit as gracious in real life as she is on her blog. And she's TALL! I don't often feel short, but somehow I never noticed that not only is she mighty in spirit, but stature as well!
I walked out, rounded the corner and felt just sheer happiness. Till I suddenly remembered that I had hoped we could take a picture! I'm always dragging my camera around and forgetting to use it! Quickly, before the secure doors shut, I raced back into the Burn Unit and rushed over to them. "Would it be okay to take a picture with you two?" I asked.
We smiled, the nurse snapped the photo, and off I sailed, leaving them to their saintly burn victim visits. Mr. & Mrs. Nielson--making the world a better place, one person at a time.
And that, my friends, is is the story of one of the best moments of this whole summer. And one of the most embarrassing moments of my youth!
Grateful for:
1) How things always work out in the end. God really is great!
2) That it seemed like they liked my little gift (©)(®)(™) (!!!!)
3) All the lovely comments you left me about yesterday's post.
4) BONUS! (Since I skimped yesterday) That even though I still vividly remember how embarrassed I was after giving that boy my strange little gift basket, time has turned it into something funny to reflect on. Life's like that.
Two years ago today, there was a terrible plane crash in Arizona. Three people were onboard the small aircraft; pilot, Doug Kinneard, co-pilot Christian Nielson, and Christian’s beautiful wife Stephanie Nielson, known also as NieNie. Tragically, Doug perished from the accident, and while Christian and Stephanie were both burned, Stephanie’s burns covered almost all of her body. I've never met any of these individuals, but I heard about the accident right away through a mutual friend who had commissioned some art work from Stephanie. Perhaps it's the flight attendant in me, but I've always had a kind of fascination with plane crashes...so it was that I started learning about the Nielsons.The Nielsons have four small children, and Stephanie had, at the time of the accident, been a popular blogger whose specialty, in my opinion, is finding and sharing the joy and beauty of being a mother and wife and homemaker. She captured the light and simple happiness of everyday living with words and images, and when reading her blog I could see why so many people had been drawn to it. She has a lovely way of being, and had created such a perfect world for her family. But when this tragedy struck, suddenly her perfect world was upended. Doctors kept Stephanie in a medically-induced coma for months while they worked to heal her body. Word of the crash spread. Her family was interviewed on a number of popular tv shows. Thousands of prayers, fasts, and donations and other types of support poured in from all over the earth for both the Kinneard and Nielson families. Stephanie’s burns were severe enough that it was touch-and-go for a while, but finally she turned a corner, and there was good reason to believe that she would live.Fall came, and Stephanie woke up to her new reality. I can only imagine how it would be to emerge from a coma to find yourself in a hospital, and realize that a few months have passed since your last conversation. That your children have been moved to another state to live with your siblings. That they've had birthdays, and started school--all while you were sleeping.
How painful to learn that your husband was also badly burned, and your dear friend Doug had perished in the crash. That your flawless skin was almost all melted, and your beautiful hair you worked so hard to grow out was burned off. That your body was deeply injured and would yet require multiple surgeries and hours of painful therapy. That your daughters are scared to look at you when they can finally visit you in the hospital. That your baby boy thinks your sister, who has been caring for him since the crash, is his mom. That you don’t look anything like the you you used to be. That your life isn’t the life you used to have.It was an awful lot to assimilate.Fall came for me too, that year. I’d actually been feeling really happy, vibrant, and alive, and was looking forward to the future. But right about the time Stephanie woke up to her new reality, a series of devastating things kind of broadsided me in quick succession and broke my heart.
I embarked on a good-old fashioned identity crisis accompanied by a deep depression. I felt empty and devoid of hope.I stopped blogging (among other things) for a few months, but right about that time, Stephanie started blogging again. As she regularly updated her readers about the journey she was on, I followed along silently. It may be a stretch, but in a strange way, I felt as though we had something in common. Stephanie had to reinvent herself, deal with pain, and reconstruct a life within the parameters of her new reality. I'm sure she struggled with depression, fear, loneliness, grief. She had to make peace with things as they are, mourn the loss of her former life, look at herself in the mirror and find her soul somewhere within the body that houses it. One thing that has remained untouched by the fire are Stephanie’s beautiful green eyes. I remember imagining her looking deep inside her eyes to find herself, find her purpose.
I tried to do the same. And as I watched her pick up and carry on, I tried to do the same. As I followed her progress, eventually being released from the hospital and returning--not to her beautiful home in Arizona, but to a new home in Provo, Utah where they would be near her family and have the support and help they would need --I worked hard to build a supportive network around me that would help me as I pressed forward.Little by little Stephanie’s body healed. Step-by-painful-step she healed. With her beloved family by her side, she moved forward, finding those moments of happiness and reasons to celebrate her life. (Just between you and me, I think she is better at it than I am, because of her earlier habit and ability to live joyfully…she’s got a talent for it.) But I watched from afar, and last year when the one year anniversary of that fateful crash approached, Stephanie invited anyone who wished to, to join her on a hike up to the Y on the mountain.
I was very depressed at the time, and that day in particular was a pretty hard one. Doc and the kids were away, and I was home alone. I had injured my knee -- which I toyed with using as an excuse to do nothing-- but at the last minute I mechanically got into my car, pointed it towards the freeway, and drove the hour down to Provo to hike that mountain. If Stephanie could do it, I could certainly climb it with her. But I did cry all the way there--felt so sad and bereft. Depression stinks that way. When I got to the parking lot at the base of the trail, there were lots of people. Stephanie has quite a huge following on her blog now (she’s even been a guest on Oprah, to give you a sense of how broad her reach has grown!), and lots of them had come out to support her in her quest to hike to the Y. Half-way up the trail, I encountered my dear friend Katie--the one who had first told me about the Nielsons a year before. What a happy surprise for me! It brightened my spirits a lot to see this sweet friend from our days in Chicago.
Shortly before we got to the top Stephanie and her family caught up to me, and we arrived at our destination about the same time. I had only been up to The Y one other time, twenty-two years ago, so it was fun to look out across the valley and remember the places where I first met and fell in love with My Doc. Pictures were taken, and balloons were released. Lots of people surrounded the Nielson family. I didn’t feel up to introducing myself, but they did sit down just beside me on the Y, so I was very close to them. I just tried to soak up some of their aura and feel the peace of the moment.Eventually we all started making our way down the mountain. Reaching the Y was a turning point for Stephanie--she had accomplished her goal of completing the hike by the one-year anniversary of the crash. And though I didn't realize it at the time, I think it was also a pivotal moment in my life. I had made an effort to get myself going, and I believe that when we try--even if it's a small effort, Heavenly Father blesses us in ways we can't expect.
On the way down the mountain, I noticed a nice, smooth rock, which I picked up. I didn't know what I was going to do with it, but as I carried it down the mountain I decided that I wanted to make something out of it for Stephanie and find a way to give it to her someday.
It took a while, but eventually I decided it would make a nice Anniversary Rock. What? You haven't heard of those? Well, neither have I, but but I thought I'd give it a go anyway, and if it was a bust I would just scrap the project and Stephanie would never know.
I got everything ready and put my idea to the test at last month’s Studio Night with wonderful artist Leslie Graff, who snapped this picture of me working on it. I actually really like the finished product and hope Stephanie does, too.
Today, on the 2nd anniversary of that fateful crash, a lot has changed for both Stephanie and me. Even not knowing her, it's clear she's grown in many ways, and I have continued to be inspired by her outlook and way of being in this world.I've had a good year too. Scratch that, I’ve had a great year! It feels almost like awakening from a long sleep for me as well. I've started to remember things that I had forgotten or blocked. I have felt happy and peaceful for months on end…which is really unheard of for me.
Like that critical moment when Stephanie’s body had healed enough that it looked like she was actually going to make it, I feel like in the past year I've somehow managed to heal enough from the past that my spirit is finally starting to thrive and live…without draining the amazing life-support team of loved ones that I’ve relied on so often to get by :-)
Part of this evolution has included beginning to have my own dreams and aspirations (More on that in future posts!). I've been slowly discovering myself and finding joy in the journey I'm on. Life really is beautiful! So here’s to endless chances to learn and grow! And to pressing on when times are stormy and difficult! And to following good examples! And making progress! And finding joy in this amazing life we all have! And to people with Deep Beauty…the only kind that actually matters! And to serving each other! And to learning to how to really live!Thank you Stephanie for your part in my path! Kisses, ~BlueGrateful for:1) Beauty from ashes ♥
