Status Updates from 2009...

I copied all my 2009 Facebook Status Updates month-by-month. They make an interesting snapshot of my year, but I don't expect any of allya'll to actually read them. Mercy! Go make a sandwich or something!

BLUE...

January

• is wishing a HNY2U!
• started the new year out with a bang!
• is going to miss all the Christmas decorations. They're so cheery and festive!
• just realized its january, dreary, & 16 degrees outside. recipe for the blues.
• is off on her morning run...which is almost morphing into an afternoon run.
• is holding up dinner whilst awaiting her sweetie's arrival. The 10 minute drive from the hospital is now closing in on 1.5 hours. Nasty roads!
• hasn't ever used one, but imagines she'd be a fan of the bidet.
• is sleep-whacked. and noticed that a large number of people's status updates are related to sleep
• wishes for everyone the finest of days.
• is wishing the dinner fairygodmother would make an appearance. like right now.
• had Costco's Sample-Lunch today
• is considering unfriending for burgers
• was baptized 32 years ago today & remembers hoping she'd kick the bucket right then so she'd be guaranteed Admission at The Pearly Gates.
• is done editing and going to sleep on it.
• feels like a midnight snack. but she's going to ignore that feeling and go to sleep instead.
• ♥'s being in hot water
• is happy that Doc promised to get her a jacuzzi someday. "Indoor or out?" he asked. "Both"
• came home, changed out of her dress clothes, curled up in bed to read, and then realized she still has to go to another function tonight...in less than an hour.
• is getting re-dressed.
• is on a whack schedule
• should get out and enjoy the beautiful sunny day. Should.
• 's arms are feelin' it.
• totally Marenated all day. It's been too long since we hung out.
• was happy all day today
• is finding her groove.
• ate chocolate for breakfast and pretended she was in Paris having a nutella crepe
• and Doc discovered a gelato shop last night. This could mean trouble.
• hopes no matter where we stand on the political spectrum, we can all come together as a nation. For we are the United States of America.
• hopes everyone will wear patriotic colors, ties, pins, or scarves tomorrow, symbolic of the unity we strive for as a nation.
• made red and white cookies today. and brown too.
• is packing to jet off to Hawaii.
• is in paradise. And she got put in 1st class for the trip over the pond. Thanks AA!
• & friends will be partyin' at Hukilau Beach in 10 more hours.
• is watching her sister make a Nutella/Banana Crepe Cake (a zillion crepes layer upon layer stacked high). Time to consume, then off to the beach party!
• can't believe the gorgeous weather here!
• ran on the beach for 1.5 hours, then had shave ice, then snorkeled@Sharks Cove, then had shave ice. Now it's time to bake Maren's birthday cake.
• got lei'd today
• & Maren & Kirsten are trying to come up with a plan to fill in the time till Shave Ice opens.
• paid the weatherman off to declare today a rain day. It was the best beach day ever, and we had the place to ourselves!
• and the girls are all safely home again. And Blue is missing her sister and the kiddos. And it's snowy here. But pretty, in that wintery kind of way.
• is trying with varying success to not think about chocolate.
• will be uploading pix from her hawaiian getaway this afternoon.
• just has to look at her Gecko picture a lot. Makes me laugh.
• just got tagged by that 25 Random Things About Me thing that's floating around the facebook universe. I knew it'd happen eventually.

February

• caved and did that dang 25 random things.
• is flying all this week. I'll be in and out of Long Beach, San Diego, Salt Lake City and Chicago every other day, & trying to fit in exercise somewhere in there
• couldn't be more proud of her hubby. So awesome!
• went from slc to lgb to chi to lgb to slc to bed
• had edamame for breakfast.
• is thinking some spicy hot chicken tikka masala would feel good on her throat right now. anyone wanna visit bombay house and get some for me?
• just received a "courtesy call" from a company we're not customers of. Nice euphemism, that.
• needs to pry herself away from FaceDevil, err, Book.
• has had two Network Marketing Scams, er, "Companies" pitched to her in the past 2 days. She needs to stop working flights to SLC.
• is in Chicago! Not that she'll get out of the airport or anything, but still...
• had an imprompteau get-away w/Doc last night. He joined me at my crew hotel for my layover :-)
• licked an ice cream cone in Chicago today.
• is listening to the rythm of the falling rain. Apparently rollerblading at the beach this morning is out.
• just tried to bid for work next month, but the freaking IT dept is doing system maintenance till 3am. She'll have to get up early & do it before bids close now.
• got her March Schedule bid done in the nick of time
• is missing her sisters
• had a job interview with a young startup called JetBlue 8 years ago this week. Today JetBlue turns 9. It's been an amazing journey!
• needs all you running experts to help me figure out how to avoid knee pain. I'm about to begin training for my 1st full marathon & knees are my #1 worry.
• is feelin' the love
• , in a moment of complete TMI, is disclosing that she conceived her 1st child 13 years ago today.
• forgot that today wasn't actually valentines day. so much sugar and stuff floating around!
• has gotten out of the habit of commenting on blogs. Still reading them, just not chiming in.
• shouldn't be online right now. Should be getting ready.
• is updating her blog
• thinks if you stare at the word February long enough, you'll eventually start to think it's spelled wrong
• needs to heave ho
• wonders who thought up the whole blasted pinewood derby thing anyway. like i have some kind of tool shop at my disposal. I confess I just hate scouting. Grrrr.
• wonders if nail polish is suitable for painting a pinewood derby car
• found a can of spray paint in the garage. miracles never cease!
• wonders if our 2nd choice for residency should be in Boston or North Carolina. Thoughts?
• spend considerable time looking at BOS and RDU real estate yesterday. What a difference geography makes!
• gets to celebrate Gator's 9 1/2 birthday today with treats for his class. Summer birthdays = double the fun!
• thanks heidi for the tips on the derby car. it's done. except for the washers and driers we have to glue on the bottom.
• thanks her 12 year old daughter for the snazzy new profile pic she took on saturday.
• could probably use some vitamin D.
• pared down
• would eat nothing but chocolate if she had her way.
• is titrating
• should just move to Hawaii. She lives on that timezone most days anyway.
• has decided to take herself to lunch at the Paradise Bakery & Cafe at 1400 Fort Union Blvd Salt Lake City, UT 84121 at 11:45a.m. today. Feel free to join me!
• will be making a castle, moat, chapel, guard gate, etc out of cake and edibles w/her daughter for the 6th grade medieval studies project next week
• 's friends meet certain criteria. Congratulations!
• is wondering if you can make Rice Krispy Treats with marshmallow CREAM instead of marshmallows?
• is making a medieval castle out of cookies cake, marshmallow krispies and candy. Dang 6th grade project!
• and Doc's daughter is a natural-born writer
• is getting lost in Jessica's latest book. I loves me a good book!
• started and finished Jessica's book today. Great job Jess!!!
• is diving in to the Recurrent Training online coursework. Blah.
• just twittered
• has a problem called sugar
• wonders if there's a point to roast beef.

March

• wishes you all sweet dreams ♥
• was saved by the jar of Nutella
• starts yawning constantly the second she get in the gym. Every time. What's that about? Really.
• Jets to JFK. And Always Appreciate Alliteration.
• flew through the night and will now nap and do it again this afternoon.
• is up & at 'em, starting with a cup 'o oatmeal...breakfast of champions (or at least flight attendants)
• is fed and watered and now wishes she could go back to sleep but darn airport van in 44 mins. this justifies chocolate, don'tcha think?
• would like to announce she got out of the bed
• is working her first flight with food for sale today
• can't keep up the play-by-play of her life for much longer...and knows you're all grateful
• is still wishing she could have pushed snooze on the wake up call
• knows you don't actually care about these peeks into her psyche but that's what facebook is subjecting you to.
• is home. for another 16 hours. and then she'll be gone for 10 days straight. and gets to see joni. yay!
• ran out of chocolate. Uh oh!
• somehow stayed awake, even without chocolate. or caffeine.
• can only day-sleep so long before her body demands foodstuff. Dang Dulles short-stay hotel and it's dearth of options!
• is SO grateful for beautiful music!
• 's friend Nyk produced a feature-length film coming out in April called "Reflections in the Mud". How cool is that?!
• is enjoying florida.
• thinks it's fun to take the first syllable of a name, and add "izzle" to it, to come up with gangsta names...eg: "Blunizzle". Do you have a good one???
• Just finished eating an “ooey, gooey, chewy” sundae @Chevys Mex restaurant. Now I need to just sit still & let it turn into something useful, like cellulite...
• thinking Green Eggs (we're outta ham) for breakfast tomorrow. And green food coloring in the oatmeal. see, i AM a superfunmom.
• posting pix of this morning's breakfast. were visited by leprechauns! ♣
• posting pix of this morning's breakfast. were visited by leprechauns!
• took a pic of dinner and posted it. green is great!
• had plans today...but The Gator is burnin' a fever and being sick. Motherhood trumps plans.
• finally posted about The Magical Fairy Realm on her blog
• 's kids are both sick and tired. You'd think she was too for all she's accomplished today
• likes clouds. They make the most breath taking sunrises and sunsets.
• celebrates the beauty of spring and the life of Johann Sebastian Bach who was born on the equinox. ♫ Music & Nature. Doesn't get better than that!
• is making the most delicious chocolate sheet cake in the world today.
• appreciates the fine art of good answering machine messages.
• is trying to decide
• wishes she could spin a cocoon for her head today.
• can't believe all the snow!
• 's nose is wishing the box of tissues she's gone through today had lotion, 'cause OUCH! So sore!
• is waiting for the Advil to kick in.
• 's quote for tonight: "sometimes the lord calms the storm, and sometimes he calms his child."

April

• is trying to get her head around Doc's decision to drop out of med school.
• just got the living will paperwork back from the lawyer and is glad that the plan to be preserved by a Taxidermist after death is all set. I'll be placed in my favorite chair in the living room...so it'll be like I'm right there still. My kids are way psyched!
• Okay. So I'm NOT going to have myself stuffed by a taxidermist and mounted on the wall, or seated in my favorite chair when I die (like my kids would EVER be psyched about that.) Nor is Doc dropping out of med school and going to Law School (as if!).
• zooom zoom zooooooom.
• adores gelato. adores it i say!
• is happy that the season of the Cadbury Egg is here!
• loves the music of Easter.
• loves Susan Boyle's voice! Wow.
• Going to the Noon screening of Reflections in the Mud today... at Megaplex 17 at Jordan Commons 9335 S State St Sandy, UT 84070. Come along!!! ♥
• is attending the AOA banquet tonight. Doc's being inducted. Kudos to him! ♥
• Just watched my adorable nephews ages 5, 3 & 2...they are so fun. And I admire their mom SO much! (she kept their 5month old sister with her)
• is becoming a gelato connoisseur. mmmmm.
• is all over the place.
• is no longer ubiquitous.
• wonders if the people who set the speed limits ever break them themselves.
• and her kids always enjoy fun aunt michelle's visits.
• walked tonight. it was balmyish.
• has chocolate on her mind. Deep, I know.
• is shoulding all over herself today.
• took the family and the neighbor kids to Baskin Robins for their annual $ .31 per scoop night tonight. Had Strawberry Cheesecake and Chocolate Peanut Butter scoops. So delish!
• sleeps with her legs alternately forming the number 4. Thank you for tuning into today's episode of Random Tidbits.

May

• is spending six hours in the spirit of volunteerism working at Ronald Mc Donald house tonight/tomorrow w/the kids.
• will be a sleeping X instead of a 4 tonight. Doc's on call at the hospital, which means no earplugs and I can hog all the covers. I'll need 'em without him to keep me warm.
• ended up being a capital T. as it turns out.
• has vague recollections of what her husband looks like.
• is hiding in the office typing this because a man just walked into my house without knocking. he's in the kitchen right now. just in case anything comes of this, i wanted you guys to be aware...oh wait, he looks slightly familiar... never mind.
• watched Chariots of Fire w/the fam tonight.
• : Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
• blogged.
• 's daughter just finished writing Part I of her first novel...entitled Conquest. I'm being objective when I say it's actually good! And not just for a 12 year old. ♥
• has lived for almost three years within a short walk of the most gorgeous river and trails, but never knew it till tonight. New favorite local destination.
• planted some tomatoes today. Garden here we come!
• has a problem and it's called There's No Chocolate.
• homemade smoothie, wild flowers picked on a hike this morning & arranged in a bouquet, chocolate and an appropos card from Doc, coupled with gifts from my sweet kids delivered to me in bed=very happy Mother's Day! ♥
• just pulled an all-nighter creating a cover for the book my daughter wrote in Photoshop Elements. I'll post a pic.
• what was that?
• can't get into her email. is the Almighty Google is having issues!?
• is boomeranging between DC & LGB all night for 4 nights in a row. yawn.
• watched a decidedly orange crescent moon rise over the eastern horizon in an inky black sky tonight from 38,000 feet up. Breathtaking.
• late night slurpees with the family has become kind of a "thing" lately.
• has been particularly klutzy lately.
• just returned from the increasingly ritual late night slurpee walk. in this case it was a birthday eve Slurpeebration for the Doc guy. here comes forty!
• you should see what i made today...
• after nearly (happily) suffering Death By Chocolate last night, I'm taking The Boy out for a bike ride now. Maybe if we ride to say, the east coast, I'll have worked off the damage.
• 's daughter wrote a song that she'd like to make a music video of for the school talent show next week. Anyone have access to a sound recording booth we could use to capture the audio?
• “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” (quote by poet Mary Oliver)

June

• always seems to stay up way too late when Doc's on call overnight in the hospital.
• is wondering is she's got H1N1, or just good old fashioned gastroenteritis.
• wishing i had some lemon-ice flavored poweraid right about now...
• hopes she's done lying on the floor writhing now.
• Doc woke @4am for his shift@the hospital, & kindly hit 7-11 for Frost Glacier Freeze Gatorade before he left. And it stayed in! Yay! Cause dehydration was making me miserable. i drank it all & wish i had more. anyone nearby wanna drop some off for me?!
• wishing there was a way to block a certain IP address from accessing my blog. Any ideas?
• made my kids cream of wheat and smoothies for breakfast, then sent them off for their second-to-last day of school.
• will never have both kids at the same school at the same time again. Sigh.
• took my daughter to her 1st writer's conference at a university today. While that was going on, I took my son to the largest air show in Air Force history. It was all kinds of awesome! Such a fun day.
• it's pouring rain today. do they still do air shows in the rain? glad we went yesterday!
• it's Monday, and the 1st weekday of Summer Vacay. The weather's fine and my kids are all mine. ♥ summer time!
• has today to finish all of the "my life" stuff for the week. starting tomorrow i get to live the blue life, jetting hundreds of pax back and forth between ORD & LGB.
• thinks the weather could be slightly more Vermontish. But only slightly.
• went for a walk on to the beach tonight after work. My sister's house is only 11 minutes away. Lucky!
• had a nice long snuggle with Gator this morning. It's been a while since our last one. Love that kid!
• just made our reservations for our trip to Yellowstone next week. We're excited!
• is baffled at how Doc is able to maintain his current rotation schedule.
• wishes she could be one of those people who takes up exercising and doesn't experience any problems with their body.
• my basil plants this year are responding the way they did in vermont. apparently lots of rain and little sun do not equal happy basil :-(
• is cleaning out/dejunking/organizing one drawer or shelf a day. feels good.
• =meltdown
• wonder twin powers, activate. form of one badly-in-need-of-a-shower camper. But it was stunningly gorgeous people. If you haven't been there, put spending a few days in Yellowstone on your Bucket List.
• has finally convinced her 9 yr old to submit to the shears, but is wondering if it's possible to get him to do ANYTHING without some kind of carrot or reward attached.
• commencing a jam-packed family reunion week. woot!

July

• just finished off two fun-filled weeks vacationing and reunioning. Home sweet home now, with lots to catch up on while i was absent.
• should write all the swirling thought in her head down.
• blogged
• wishes she owned a Bosch mixer dealio. I'd be baking whole wheat bread, rolls, pizza, etc.
• has decided to make homemade ice cream and my famous English Toffee for Studio Night tonight. Can't wait to create my painting, and eat the spoils of Shelah and Leslie's kitchen slavery.
• spent a wonderful afternoon with our wonderful friend Dana
• is thinking of taking the kids to VT for a quick trip later this week.
• is now thinking of taking just her daughter to VT...assuming that's cool w/his aunt&uncle.
• 's daughter has been getting up and going for long early morning walks this week. She brings her journal to write in during her walk, and is enjoying reconnecting with the neighborhood after being away from it all summer.
• had a great 40 1/2 birthday. Just another ordinary miracle today.
• and Bunch went to the airport, checked in, waited, and didn't get on the flight last night. We're going to try again this morning, fingers crossed.
• we got to Burlington at last and all is well. just in time for a big party. hope it doesn't rain!
• is loving being with Collen...or maybe just her 22 day old perfect baby.
• is homeward bound
• may just be the biggest loser ever. in the past 2 weeks: Eye glasses, AMEX card, all my keys, my roller blades. Is the Alzheimer's setting in already?
• took the kids back to school shopping at The Children's Place Mega Sale in Park City Outlet. Gator didn't want anything new at all. Bunch got a number of new things that she couldn't be more thrilled over. Great deals...85% off with the coupon.
• happy Pioneer Day. Or, as some locals refer to it, Pie&Beer Day. Whatever floats your boat.
• "Sad-her-day is a hard work day, it's the day we get ready for sunday. we pull the weeds and fold laun-da-ree, as we dream about servants and money."
• hopes her tomato plants go crazy this year, and is bummed that the basil isn't as happy as last-year's amazingly hearty crop.
• is willing to entertain your suggestions for my Status Update Topics.
• loathes graffiti.
• is sitting by the phone...
• stopped sitting by the phone :-(
• still wishes she could play in fountains. That childhood fantasy never got realized.
• is actually a little bit glad that only 10 people showed up for her daughters Night Games party tonight. Not quite sure what I'd have done if all the 7th graders had appeared. Great kids. Good times.

August

• : It's Reunion Time!
• has sleep on her mind
• is now awake.
• will now embark on another flight on the jumpseat.
• just got home...Doc's on call tonight in the shock trauma icu, the kids are at their cousins, so i'm alone in my house. weird.
• is in Seattle. Nice hotel. Corner Suite. 18th floor. But I can still hear the traffic pretty loud out there... and it's almost 1am here!
• is heading out into the Seattle mist with the famous Kwis.
• is in Boston. Till I'm in New York. Till I'm in Salt Lake.
• blogged her lostness
• pensive
• grateful
• was lost but now is found.
• is in Syracuse NY, waiting to board a flight to JFK. Been offline all week. Kind of weird to disconnect. But good weird.
• home
• could use hugs.
• went to Provo tonight, hiked up Y mountain, & cruised around the places where Doc & I met & fell in love. Only they've torn down the dorms we lived in. But the tree under which we first exchanged "I love you's" is still there.
• is collecting her boy
• will be washing the river water out of her hair tonight.
• was in labor for the last time ten years ago right now
• Tuesday: Legoland w/my boy. Wednesday: Disneyland & CA Adventure w/both kids, Alicia & Nick, my sister, and The Duke of Cornwall. It's been a happy week.
• has a fantasy of getting the front-row center seat on Soarin' Over California, and staying in it as long as she wants. It makes me cry it's so beautiful!
• was thinking about how there is a woman somewhere in the world who doesn't know how lucky she is that someday she'll get to add my daughter to her list of children. She also doesn't know that i've been praying for her son ever since i became a mom, and look forward to meeting him. and his mom. now i'm off to junior high orientation. crazy new adventures ahead!
• is excited to do art with all my free time starting next week. i have a few projects i've been thinking about, and can't wait to see how they turn out.
• = errand girl
• hi ho hi ho, it's off to school they go.
• is remembering the Night Before Wedding feelings I was having 19 years ago right now.
• commencing 20!
• good morning!
• wishes she had a friend in India so she could go for an authentic visit, not just a touristy experience. And the food! ooooh. Yes, Blue wishes she had a bestie in India.
• has had over twice as many visitors to her blog today than any date in history. and this by 5pm. i'm feeling so popular and all.
• has two besties having birthdays today. ♥ you girls!!!
• was...thinking this would probably have been a good weekend to get away.
• thinks Michaels or Robert's needs to have one of theose Cricut machines in their store hooked up to a computer so people can come print vinyl letters and just pay by the foot. like a laminating service. Cause who wants to wait for online Etsy orders to get their vinyl needs met?
• gratitude and kindness.
• and Doc are nailing down which Transitional Year (next year) and radiology residency (the following four years) programs to apply to. Apps go in on Tuesday.

September

• 's life is like a sound wave.
• September morn.
• : lunch with Jeana for her 40th birthday: check. bake muffins with the black bananas: check. make creamy tomato basil soup: check. figure out how to help my son overcome his anxiety about school: help, i'm at a loss.
• considering weekend plans.
• listening to the crickets, frogs, or whatever insects are outside my window and reminding myself that despite their volume, i'm not actually in the middle of the woods.
• is thinking of flying to Long Beach this weekend with my son to attend the John Williams concert at the Hollywood Bowl either Fri or Sat night. Anyone want to host and join us?
• blogged.
• hit 500 views on my blog today just now. seems to have resonance with a lot of people. which is so sad when you think about it.
• is enjoying a day with her boy in California.
• = low energy.
• bed
• just found a viola and case for sale online for an amazing deal. can't tell you how exciting this is for my daughter.
• is doing benedryl before bed tonight. buh bye itchy, sneezy, allergy nose! hello weary, heavy, deep deep sleep!
• are you doing anything interesting?
• is battling the homework and music practice demons.
• just yelled at her kid. I never do that.
• likes morning in theory, but not so much in practice.
• : Reveille
• Remembering.
• Made theDananator's cake. Cleaned the kitchen. Now to cutify for the hoe down and party thereafter.
• was invited to a hoe down at the ranch of the chair of the program Doc hopes to match into here for residency last night. great food and fun, and really nice people. i'm thinking the invite was a good sign about his prospects.
• thinking about the southern-most shore of Hawaii. So beautiful there.
• 's kid has been wearing a lot of white after Labor Day.
• hates vomiting.
• is glad that's over.
• got to see Rhonda today. i love it when friends call me up. gets me out when i otherwise wouldn't. probably.
• how do you dust the inside of a piano?
• After breakfast with the neighborhood, it was a solid day of deep cleaning. While listening to TED.com talks. Which are fabulous. You should give 'em a listen!
• just noticed that someone spent over half the day reading 186 pages of my blog. WTH?!
• got an email from the person stalking my blog. All is well.
• likes gelato aLOTo.
• off to hang out at the airport for a while.
• has spent over $500 on cars in the past 36 hours. one repair, two safety and emissions inspections, two Vehicle Registrations (which went up a lot this year!?) sigh.
• if you're waiting for a response from me, take a number.
• is thinking about Doc, who is at this very moment, RIGHT NOW, taking an important 8 hour exam. Send him your prayers!
• Eight Hours till Jim Gaffigan!!!!
• has a growing to do list.
• got up early, picked the concord grapes growing along the road by our house, and baked them into a concord grape pie using Kim's Aunt Percalene Concord Grape Pie recipe. YUM!
• just ate some pie. i begin 12 weeks of deprivation, denial and discipline in the morning, so it had to happen tonight.
• is 16 hours into the Healthy Choices Challenge. Exactly 2000 hours till it's over...
• day 1 down, 83 to go.
• is trying not to think about toffee. and pie. and ice cream.
• is not a fan of snow in september

October

• this is more like it. (sunshine, puffy clouds and blue sky)
• is into Alison Krauss lately.
• could use some mojo
• start spreadin' the news...
• will be taking NYC by storm for the next few days.
• had some crazy times in China Town today. Didn't even know the secret, illicit underground shopping world in NYC existed till now!
• and Joni enjoyed a fabbo dinner at Tavern on the Green. Such a gloriously beautiufl night!
• 's last night in the city. Tomorrow, I'm off to my Aunt & Uncle's country estate.
• is chillin' w/my aunties and uncle.
• enjoyed a glorious day in Connecticut with Keri.
• ahh, fall in New England.
• could not have better besties!
• is home sweet home. after a week of friends sweet friends.
• is down to one hubcap on her 2000 Sienna minivan. How WT can she get?
• got crafty.
• hates chore wars.
• isn't really part of the Warren Miller crowd
• got gazillion-degree hot toffee in my hair while pouring it out of the pan this evening. without thinking decided to wipe it off with my finger...which of course burned (gazillion degrees, remember?). so i stuck burnt finger in my mouth by instinct...and burned my tongue. I love moments of brilliance.
• here comes the rain again...
• is so happy for my bestie Suzie. this is the 2nd time she's given birth on 10/19...her firstborn turned 2 today, and her daughter Maren arrived to celebrate with him. Could it be any sweeter?!
• reminding myself that it's gloriously sunny just a few thousand feet above me.
• is flying to CA tomorrow to deliver a birthday gift to a bestie. Only way I can guarantee it won't be a bazillion pieces when she gets it. I love my job benefits!
• and Doc just had the most amazing dinner at La Caille. Best of all? Didn't pay a dime.
• thinks everyone should just be nice.
• wants to start exercising. but i'm afraid of injury. always happens whenever i start up again.
• so bummed about cold and snow and wind and rain and ice. what's wrong with zephyrs and color and sunshine and warmth and flowers and birds and short sleeves and sandals and swimming and indian summer fall days?
• 6 more months of this. really?
• things i didn't do in time: 1) put the cover on the swamp cooler 2) put the cover on the air conditioner unit 3) rake the leaves 4) mow the grass 5) rollerblade 6) take the kids up the canyon 7) hang the christmas lights on the house 8) stockpile six months of supplies 9) change my attitude about cold, sun-less days.
• now searching for bright spots. like the interview Doc got today near boston!
• the internet is a mess tonight. facebook changing things, iGoogle not working, and now Blogger has modified their interface. seems pointless to try to accomplish anything while they're scrambling to work out the glitches.

November

• hasn't been able to change her status for almost a week. so lame these computere problems.
• has an Ultimate Fantasy Wish List: A personal trainer. A fence on the south property line. Hubcaps on my minivan. A gym membership. A class to learn how to do lampwork so I can make glass beads. A landscaping service. A contractor who will actually finish off our downstairs. Redesigned family room w/space for guests to sleep there. New, unshreded/unstained carpet. My piano tuned. To stay here for TY & Residency.
• is in Athens, Georgia. It's so pretty!
• just got home from Athens. At least I think I went. It was so quick maybe I dreamed the whole thing...
• blogged about my visit last night with Ree, aka Pioneer Woman, blogger extraordinairre. It was so fun to finally meet IRL. she flew away this morning, and i swear i felt virtue go out of utah when her plane took off.
• Two people agreed that I look like Zooey Deschanel. I had no idea who she was so i googled her. as it turns out, i watched her in 500 days of summer on my flight to ATL monday, and the whole movie i was wondering who she was, and thinking "She sure looks like my sister" :-)
• capitalized on the fine weather yesterday afternoon and got all the leaves up from our yard. my muscles are feelin' it this morning.
• feeling the afterglow of an amazing week with some of my favorite people. Monday-Tuesday: Joni, Wednesday, Christy & Sue, followed by Kirsten & Mason, followed by Ree, Missy & Nan, Thursday more Christy & Sue, and tonight is date night w/my MAN! ♥
• pondering the rules of etiquette. i think it's dying.
• has NO idea how you moms-with-sizable-families do it all the time. With grace, poise, finesse, and you look fabbo to boot! ♥
• spent the night at my BIL&SIL's house and just got the kids are off to school. there's a long, flat, paved trail calling my rollerblades' names. Eat. My. Dust.
• is looking in the water, trying to see her reflection.
• it's motherhood eve...my 13th one.
• where have all the flowers gone?
• donated blood today. because i can. and so may can't (or wont). and 13 years ago today i was giving birth for the first time, and couldn't. and Yay Verterans! You're the reason...♥
• just went to Curves and learned about their system. Now to decide if I can swing the membership fees. I do think they'd be good partners in my physical health...which is priceless.
• can understand vegetarianism. can even sort of wrap her head around veganism. but the whole raw foodism thing? how can they STAND it?!
• not exactly looking forward to flyin solo on the homefront for the next 2 weeks. Doc starts down the Residency Interview Trail tomorrow. Prob need chocolate cause sad already.
• is taking her man and dropping him off at the airport. Aren't *I* the one who's supposed to do the leaving in this relationship? Seems so weird when i'm home without him near.
• why does it somehow feel like i'm a teenager home alone?
• hoping Step 2 CS goes well. it'd be nice to be done with that before interviews begin next week. of course i'm not the one taking it...
• should hang the outdoor lights today...before the temp drops again and the white things start flying around
• is not a fan of the blizzard.
• has passed the same dead raccoon while driving out of the SLC aiport friday, saturday and now sunday. but at least today it's little head was turned and not staring pitifully out at me.
• off we go...
• & kids saw "9" tonight. It was like someone had a bad sci-fi dream with characters from lots of different shows and when they woke up they thought "why not make a movie about it?"
• scored a deal
• just so you know, when i die, i want my obit to say how. i hate it when they leave that part out!
• Wow! the photocard order i did late last night has already shipped! 50 free photo cards, plus free shipping. i am in awe.
• well, after a 3.5 year run, it looks like we're finally going to meet the kid's pediatrician this afternoon. Gator came home from school early with a 103 temp, sore throat, headache & chills. They've never been sick enough to visit the doctor since we moved here. and on a different note, Doc REALLY like the Transitional Year program he interviewed at near Boston today. Mmmmmm.
• won her son's affection back after forcing him to get a shot for strep. fresh strawberries, a smoothie and lots of dvds. i'm a master-mommy.
• and kids watched "Cast Away" tonight. I first saw it THE NIGHT i graduated from flight attendant training almost 9 years ago. What was i thinking? it was better this time around. "WILSON!"
• saw the movie Taking Chance staring Kevin Bacon tonight with the kids. Good show to increase one's appreciation for the sacrifices made by our military. We are all blessed by them.
• saturday is a special day
• tonight would have been a good night to have plans with a friend
• i'm excited at the prospect of PIES GALORE this week!
• wishing there was a pumpkin pie in my fridge right this very minute. that would be yummy!
• my bed isn't going to be nearly as cold tonight as it has been lately.
• pumpkin. pumpkin. Paula Dean Apple Crumb Top. Pecan. If we eat enough of those, I'll make the chocolate and peanut butter ones. I'm thankful for pie.
• okay, i'm thankful for more than just pies you guys. didn't mean to focus on just PIE today. cause on any given day, every day, i'm grateful for the relationships in my life. more than food ;-) love ya!
• kind of needs a nice, loose-fitting mumu to wear today.

December

• is still wearing her gym clothes...from this morning.
• is now going to remove said gym clothes and shower. then she will go to bed right as the others awake. but the tree looks nice!
• is hitting the skies again. Haven't worked a flight since begining of August...hope I remember what buttons NOT to push! :-)
• pandora.com is THE definitive source for Christmas music. Whatever your tastes, they've got it. Free. Amazing. I'm lovin' it!
• coming to you live from Washington DC. And Orlando. And White Plains. And Oakland. And Long Beach. And Orlando Again. And New York City. And Boston. And out. ♥
• is half done. Or maybe that should be half-baked.
• likes her Pandora.com Christmas station so much, she may very well just listen to it all year long.
• in four days, in this order, i went to: Long Beach, Oakland, Long Beach, Boston, Orlando, White Plains NY, Orlando, Laguardia airport in NY, Fort Lauderdale, Boston, Long Beach and Salt Lake. There were flights so bumpy the seatbelt sign never came off, and the air sickness bags were flying out of the pockets like they were going out of style.
• chrysalis
• my kid's teeth just keep on falling out. Methinks he's pullin' them to get extra christmas cash.
• wishes for Christmas everyone would just stop being mean so everyone could just go home to their families and live in peace. So sick of the wars!
• off to boston tonight, this time for a look-around. wasn't i just there???
• should have just PRETENDED to come to Boston and flown somewhere warm and sunny instead.
• off to the church Christmas breakfast inHingham MA. Word has it that Santa will be making an appearance. All I want for Christmas is a definitive answer to my prayer about whether we should move here or not.
• I came looking for a sign...i think i've found my answer.
• Is posting this from her brand new toy!
• Gym. Carpool. Breakfast~done. Now to hit the laundry, pack for our trip tonight, clean house, lunch w/a bestie, time w/my kids, then fly w/Doc to Charlottesville. That's my day!
• there is sunshine in my soul today.
• There are snowflakes in my soul today... (trapped in Charlottesville for a couple extra days)
• out of Virginia, now i'm in NY. Got rescued by a kind soul and am sleeping in a bed tonight in Forest Hills. yay!
• has only spent entire 4 days this month at home. Finally made it back tonight and it was sweet to see the lights twinkling as we drove up to the house. I love being home!
• my sister arrived and tomorrow's Christmas eve. the music's playing, the fireplace is blazing, and we've got sledding and gingerbread house plans. Life is grand!
• blue skies. a buhGazilLIoN sparkling-like-diamonds snowflakes on a perfect hill. Sunshine. a sled for everyone. perfect Christmas Eve afternoon.
• just heard bells and hoof prints on the roof...it's the magic hour! Time for visions of sugarplums to dance in my head. Or better yet, maybe I'll dream about the Savior of the world.
• Sweet sweet Christmas ♥
• Nothing like the flu to jumpstart my New Year's diet plans
• does anyone else find Christmas cards from businesses annoying? Like you're actually friends or they even know who you are. It's the epitomy of commercialism, which is so contrary to Christmas.
• 164 cards sent @ $.44 a pop just for the postage. This tradition isn't cheap, but I so love the ones we get in return.
• is remembering the frantic doomsday predictions of this night a decade ago...people were Y2K crazy.
• : it's been a year of wonders.
  

GRATEFUL FOR
1) A year of wonders
2) Many amazing friends, new and old
3) My life

Merry Christmas to You!

Sledding

If there was ever a more perfect day for sledding than today, I haven't been alive to witness it. For the first time, we all had sleds so no waiting around to use one, and the hill was perfect. Great times with my sweet little family.

(btw, that's my sister in the photos. I have not dyed my hair blond!)

Charlottesville

So far this month I have only been home FOUR DAYS. Yes, Four. Ergo the lack of posts (among other things. I had so many gift plans that I simply couldn't complete for lack of time! So frustrating!!!)

Last week was my birthday, and Doc had an interview the next day in Virginia. It was the only interview we didn't actually buy him an airline ticket to get to...since theoretically he could fly there on my airline for free. But if I travel with him, he flies with a higher standby priority. So because it's been almost 2 years since our last kid-free get-away together, and since it was my birthday, we planned to go together and have a little couple time. One of my angel friends agreed to keep my kids for me.

Charlottesville Virginia is many things. The home of Thomas Jefferson, (we spent a lovely afternoon touring Monticello), beautiful hills, loads of history and typically mild weather. But the day after we arrived, The Storm hit. And Charlottesville is NOT used to getting 2 feet of snow in a day. The entire town literally shut down and there were hundreds of car accidents. (Perspective check: the Saturday before Christmas, WALMART didn't open! If you can even imagine that.)

Doc and I were stranded with no way to get home. Happily our car rental company extended our car for an extra two days, and the hotel let us stay at an "emergency rate", so we holed up and made the best of the situation...which could have been so much worse (nice hotel room, indoor jacuzzi, pool,fitness center, free WiFi and a Sam's Club next door that let us buy some food even though we're not members).

I realized before the storm arrived that it was going to be a big one, and that Doc would NEVER make it home for Christmas flying standby if there was even one flight cancellation (there were literally hundreds of them on all airlines), so I quickly booked him a flight on another airline...gambling that by Sunday evening things would be up and running again. For myself...I was just banking on getting a jumpseat to make it home.

Doc did make it home late Sunday. I finally arrived last night. I have family arriving tonight for Christmas, and as of this moment there isn't really anything for Gator under the tree (thankfully he doesn't read my blog)...which is SO not going to go over! So it's time to get cooking. I won't get everything I wanted to make for people done, but Christmas is here, and it's my favorite time of year. Maybe someday I'll get better about advanced preparation. More later!

Grateful for:
1) Friends and family who took care of my kids in a pinch. I was never worried about them.
2) An accident-free car rental experience. Cause some people seriously can't drive in snow!
3) The kindness of humanity. A co-worker I barely knew at work saw me stuck in the airport and took me home with her for the night so I could sleep in a bed.
4) Getting the very last jumpseat on the flight last night. And having a long book to read to pass the time.
5) Quality time with Doc. He's the greatest! ♥

Seeking and Finding

I'm in Massachusetts right now, poking around the south shore, presently at the Hingham Public Library (free wi-fi!). I flew here because my sweet Doc is interested in a one-year job here next year, and wanted me to decide if it would be something I could get on board with.

As I drove around the area yesterday, I talked to Heavenly Father out loud in the car, telling Him that if this is where we should be for a year, I wanted “unmistakable personal revelation” on the matter.

I know sometimes life is just a matter of choosing between two good options, and that this may be one of those times. But I figure God has GOT to have a best case scenario for us, and I just want to do whatever that is. I also told him that if we do end up here, I wouldn't mind at all if we had a nice place to live. I know it's not vital, but if it's all the same to Him, that would be my preference.

Since I’m just coming out of a season of being withered for so long, and am finally starting to flower a bit (though I can’t say as I’ve necessarily "borne fruit" yet), I don’t know if the move would make me wilt or be a really good thing for me personally, and especially for my family. That's why I needed to know for sure.

I admit I feared I wouldn’t get what I came seeking. That I’ll be left making a decision without knowing definitively what the optimal choice would be. Sometimes in my life when I've felt completely sure about my course, it hasn't panned out that way, which leaves me wondering if I misunderstood, or if I just thought I was on the right path. Asking for and finding answers to big questions isn't something I'm very good at...but I'm trying.

So I drove around the area. Went by the hospital Doc would work at, and then started checking out the towns nearby. I decided to swing by the LDS church we'd attend if we moved here...since I plan to attend services there tomorrow morning.

I got to the parking lot and there were several cars there, with the door propped open. Turns out there were a bunch of people setting up for their annual Christmas Breakfast and talent show. I met a few lovely people, and ended up helping them set up the Christmas tree. They of course invited me to the breakfast today, and by the time I arrived, word had spread about me.

As I ate fruit and pancakes, person after person came up to meet me and introduce themselves. Five darling teenage girls approached in a group, having already been told I have a daughter their age. "We want you guys to come here. Your daughter would love it and we'd love her" they told me.

The talent show began and included a wide variety of acts from teenage boys performing Guitar Hero Rock Band (complete with vocals), to a 9 year old Elvis in his signature white outfit & wig singing Blue Christmas (which, naturally I was impressed with!), to a 7 year old rendition of "All I want for Christmas is my THREE front teeth" (yes, three. Very cute!) and suddenly without warning, my heart was filled up to overwhelming as I was touched by the spirit. It reminded me of how I felt when I got my answer about whether or not I should marry Doc. Just a happy, warm feeling.

To top it off, a housing option may even have even landed in my lap. A family in the congregation is moving out of the country right for a year when we'd need a place, and they need to find renters for their cute home for exactly the time-frame we'd be here. It may not be that we end up there (it's a WAY cute home! Nicer than any I've ever lived in.), but between all the things I've experienced today, I'm not worried about the house thing. Things always just work out how they're supposed to; we'll be where we should be no matter what.

So. Asking for divine help and getting it. Seeking answers and finding them. Maybe I'm getting better at this after all.

Grateful for:
1) Nice people everywhere
2) Got an invite to a Christmas party with some of the women from church tonight. Fun!
3) The day couldn't be more glorious. Bright sun. Blue sky. Clear air. The ocean. Gorgeous trees. Amazing rocks. I fell in love a little bit today.
♥

Boston

It was snowing sideways when we landed in Boston tonight. Big, white, heavy flakes racing past the windows as if they had something very important to get to. Our customers were a bit shocked at the sight...having left Fort Lauderdale, FL only 2.5 hours earlier...some were wearing only shorts and tank tops.

It is very possible that next summer my family will be moving to this area...it's Doc's first choice for Transitional Year programs and at this point it's unlikely that another program will attract him more. We'll find out in March where he matches for both TY and Residency (they're two different jobs.)

Living near Boston for a year would be an adventure we would all enjoy I think. For one thing, we have a flight attendant crew base here, which would mean that for the first time in almost a decade as a flight attendant, I could drive to and from work, instead of commuting on a plane to another city to start work. That's a huge plus for me, and the family.

Boston and the surrounding area has lots of history, with many interesting things to see and do. And the program here has the added bonus that Doc would be home a lot more than any other program he's interviewing at.

We talked to Bunch and Gator about change. How change is inevitable, but that it can also be a good thing. We learn and grow through change. Some changes aren't "happy" ones...death of a loved one, illness, accident, injury, job loss, losing, failing, moving, etc. But we learn so much from those experiences that we wrestle our way through. Most important, we learn that we can do hard things.

Moving would be hard. We don't know anyone near where we'd move. We'd have to make friends (good change), find new doctors, dentists, schools and church. Leaving behind belongings, deciding what we need to have and what we can A) donate, B) throw away, and C) store for a year while we're gone is a lot of work. But those are good things to do anyway.

Then again, we could end up staying in Salt Lake. Three months will tell, but no matter what happens, one thing is certain, and that is that life constantly changes.

Grateful for:
1) Pandora.com Their Christmas stations are the end all be all for holiday music.
2) Good co-workers. Priceless when you're on a four-day trip.
3) One more flight before I'm done for 2009!

December

Not yet six hours into the best month of the year and I've already:

• Mailed the holiday cards (Go Me!)
  
• Put up the Christmas tree
• Decorated inside the house
• Hung lights on the outside of the house
• Made my new blog banner for the month
• Missed a night's rest. But I'll make it up. I always do

It's beginning to look a lot like December!

Grateful for:
1) The energy that you feel this time of year. It's just special
2) A chance to serve tonight at Festival of Trees
3) Silver spray paint

And on the lighter side of life...

Welcome to the 2009 edition of
Getting to Know Your Friends
If, indeed, that is what we are. Otherwise, it could be called the 2009 edition of
Useless Information About Someone You’ve Never Met

Let’s begin!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:30 a.m. (hey, it's the day of rest! And my kids came and cuddled up on either side of me...which never happens so I took advantage of the snuggs.)

2. Diamonds or pearls Prefer Sapphires and Diamonds. This is a picture of my favorite ring...maybe someday I'll have it made.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? 9 (it was so LAME!)

4. What is your favorite TV show? General Conference (ahh, life in Utah) is the only one I watch

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Cereal. Or eggs and a bagel.

6. What is your middle name? I’ve actually been researching how to legally change it to “Blue". Yes, I like my nickname that much.

7. What food do you dislike? Anything that lived in the sea or on it’s shore. It is, after all, "See" Food.

8. What is your favorite CD at moment? Any that is earning money v. losing it. Oh, you meant the other kind?

9. Favortie Color? Blue. (naturally)

10. Favorite sandwich? The Vermonster...roasted Tuscan bread with pestomayo, thinly-sliced apples, melted hard cheese, sprouts, tomatoes, and shaved smoked turkey

11. What characteristic do you despise? Lack of integrity

12. Favorite item of clothing? I don’t currently like any of my clothing because none of them fit properly. (I just joined a gym last week to help with this situation.) Unless you count shoes, and in that case, any of the three pairs Joni has given me. They still fit and I like 'em.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Europe. Specifically the Greek Islands.

14 . Favorite brand of clothing? This is a lame question. How about "article"? Cause I could tell you that I like cute shirts and sweaters, and that I have a thing for coats and jackets too.

15. Where would you retire to? Hard to choose. It'd be fun to live in the tropics, but I also want to be near my kids.

16.What was your most recent memorable birthday? Thirty. Had a surprise party and lots of favorite people attended. Don't know if that counts as "recent" though.

17. What is your favorite sport to watch? Women's gymnastics

18. Furthest place you are sending this? Leave a comment and let's see who wins for farthest away. I’m guessing Le or Fe will take it, but give them a run for their money.

19. Person you expect to send it back first? I'm not tagging anyone

20. When is your birthday? December 15. Too soon.

21. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night. I’m practically a bat.

21.What Shoe Size do you wear? Eight. or eight and a half. Big Foot my daughter passed me up last year.

23. Pets? None.

24. Any new and exciting news you' d like to share with us? Only 115 days left till Doc finds out where he matched for Transitional Year and Residency. But who's counting?

25. What did you want to be when you were little? The Best Wife and Mommy In The World. And I wanted at least 6 kids. I laugh now when I consider my suitability to mother that many souls.

26. How are you today? I'm grand, thanks. You?

27. What is your favorite candy? Common: Love them Peanut M&M's. Rare: Hand-picked box of See's Chocolates. Yummy!

28. What is your favorite flower? Any flowers given to me are my favorites...till they die. I like the ones that are the color of the perfect orangy-pinkish-yellow sunset best.

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? There are so many good ones coming up…

30. What's your full name? Blue Jeuls. But you can call me Blue :-)

31. What are you listening to right now? The sound of silence. There's a hush because of the falling snow.

32. What was the last thing you ate? Peanut Butter Crunchberries cereal. Dry.

33. Do you wish on stars? Sometimes.

34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Blue, of course.

35. How is the weather right now? Cloudy with a chance of snowballs. Alas, it's now Cloudy and loads of snowballs.

36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? Doc when he called from New Jersey.

37. Favorite soft drink? Not available anymore...Apple Slice

38. Favorite restaurant? Any place with good Gelato. I love frozen yogurt too. And Ice Cream. There seems to be a theme going on here...

39. Real hair color? Dark brown with about 17 grays. I pull 'em out when I find the suckers.

40. What was your favorite toy as a child? Spirograph, Light Bright, my Dawn Dolls.

41. Summer or winter? Fall please. But if not, definitely summer. Not a huge fan of the white stuff.

42. Hugs or kisses There is nothing better than an amazing kiss…which depends entirely on the giver.

43. Chocolate or Vanilla? For sure chocolate.

44. Coffee or tea? Neither. But if I were a coffee drinker, I'm sure I'd be obsessed with the stuff cause I love the smell. I have tried herbal teas and can't stand a single one. Tea just doesn't work for me.

45. Siblings? Two of each

46.When was the last time you cried? Pretty much every Monday

47. What is under your bed? Three bins of clothing: one for tee’s, one for sweaters, and a third one for all my flight attendant uniform items.

48. What did you do last night? Slept alone in my bed. Again.

49. What are you afraid of ? Roaches. Spiders. But mostly abandonment, as it turns out.

50. Sweet or Savory? Sweet for sure. Unfortunately.

51. How many keys on your key ring? 4

52. How many years at your current job? Almost nine. But I've worked less this whole year than most flight attendants work in a single month. It's pretty cush.

53. Favorite day of the week? Saturday. It's a special day...

54. How many towns have you lived in? 9

55. Are you an Introvert or Extrovert? Yes :-) (And a smart alec too).

Through The Deep Water

This is kind of an introspective season for me. There have been quite a few “a year ago today…” moments that I’ve been thinking about. And while I’m grateful for the road I’ve traveled this past year, and the many ways I’ve grown, for some reason one-year anniversaries are hard. It’s kind of melancholy for me to reflect back on a number of things that rocked my world a year ago. I haven’t actually mentioned all of them. I never will.

But this has led to a lot of reflecting on challenges in general. While none of us really want them, it’s true that we all benefit from them in a way. Horrible things happen to every single person who lives. The actions of others have a ripple affect that goes on indefinitely. But it is in the soldiering on through difficulties that we grow. Without them we’d live lives of relative ease and comfort, but we would be shallow, unrooted individuals as a result. That old “there must needs be opposition in all things” is true. We would all be lesser people without the challenges and hardships we’ve endured.

So while hurting another is never okay, and while suffering and loss and disaster and pain aren’t the kinds of things we’d choose, when I survey the sundry experiences of my life, I see how those times have helped me to become a stronger person. A better person. More compassionate, patient, long-suffering and kind. And I am grateful for them in a strange way.

God won't interfere with our agency, or prevent us from experiencing adversity or suffering, but He does bless us in our trials, and consecrate them to our benefit...especially when we ask for His help. That has been my experience at least, and I suspect I'm not alone.

Blessings:
1) Introspection, and the perspective we gain from it
2) The people who’ve blessed my journey thus far
3) The words from my favorite hymn

365 Days

A year ago today I numbly drove to the airport, parked my car, took the shuttle to the terminal. I walked up to the SkyWest ticket counter, showed them my airline ID, received a jumpseat boarding pass, got on a plane, and flew to Houston.

When I landed in Houston I went to the car rental desk, rented a car, and drove to the house my parents live in.

I parked my car, walked up their walkway and rang the bell. No one answered. I walked around the corner and saw that my dad was in his back yard trying to mend a fence. How ironic, I thought.

I walked up and stood about 10 feet away from him. His back was to me. His hair had gone white and he looked much older than the last time I'd seen him. I stood watching him for a solid 3 minutes before I started crying and lost my nerve.

He hadn't noticed me, so I turned and left. Back in my car and needed to blow my nose and wipe my eyes, but had no tissues. I drove to a fast food place and got a stack of napkins. This was going to be hard.

Returning to their house, I went again to the back yard, but he was no longer there. I walked around to the front door, and rang the bell. A moment later the door opened, and my dad stared at me for a very long 15 or 20 seconds before he recognized me. I could see it in his face the moment it happened. Almost whispering my name, he staggered back a bit before catching his balance.

“I thought we should talk” I said.

“Yes. We should talk.”

He opened the screen door and I followed him inside. Sitting down on one end of the L-shaped couch, he sat on the other end. I think he probably offered me something to drink, which I declined. I asked if my mother was home. “She should be here any minute. She’s out shopping. I’ll call her.”

He called her cell phone but she didn’t pick up. He left a message telling her to call home as soon as she got the message, but not why. While he called, I looked around at their house, which I had only been to once, a decade earlier. Every nook and cranny was filled with autumn decorations and nicknacks...pumpkins, turkeys, leaves, figurines. I never realized that my parents were that into tchotchke. They had (outdated) photos of me and my siblings, and their grandkids covering the walls. A portrait of a happy family.

He hung up. And I started to talk. Words tumbled out and I unloaded, without reservation, all the pain, anger, hurt and suffering his actions had caused me. How it was all him, and not me. That I was a small child, and none of it was my fault. And that it doesn't matter if he doesn't remember any more, it still happened.

I wasn't worried about blaming him for things that may not actually be his fault...who can sort that out? I just told him how his abuse has impacted every aspect of my life. How I grew up feeling like a worthless piece of trash, and believing I was the ugliest girl in the world. How my feelings impacted me emotionally, and socially, and how that has influenced every relationship I’ve ever had, and everything I endeavored to do, down to the present time.

I told him of my struggle to fit in with school mates, friends and co-workers. When I started dating, his choices impacted my interactions with men, and eventually got in the way in my marriage. And especially problematic has been my relationship with God…my Heavenly Father.

I said anything that came to mind, without reservation. I had finally stopped worrying about hurting his feelings at my expense. I’d gotten to the point where I had to stop holding my pain inside, pretending he’d done his best, and that I was fine. I didn't believe that I just needed to forgive him without going through the grieving process of an innocent childhood lost. He hadn’t done his best. Being a pedophile isn’t doing your best. Throwing things at, and hitting your kids isn't doing your best. Having volcanic eruptions of anger that come out of nowhere and terrorize your children isn't doing your best. And though he could have done worse than he did, what he did was bad enough.

I’ve always excused his behavior because he finally stopped himself and repented of his sins. He tried to control his temper. But he never obtained any counseling for himself, or his victims. His repentance process did not include confessing his sins to his victims, or his wife (who claims not to know anything). Nor was there any kind of restitution. When I first discussed this with him (almost 20 years ago), he informed me “I know I’ve been forgiven, and now you have to forgive me.”

I believed him when he told me that, and felt bad that I was uncomfortable with him. I have tried all my life to forgive him. Lord knows I’ve tried. And if praying for reprieve from the pain, and praying for peace was all it took to move forward after a history like ours, I’d have been there long ago. It’s all I’ve ever wanted…to feel inner peace, instead of the battle that has raged over who I am all my life. But I didn’t know what to do. My coping method was to stuff the pain deep down, and pretend it wasn’t there, and wait for the heart to change. Because I believed him…that it was only me that had any work to do still. He was my dad, after all.

For years I thought I’d actually gotten there…that I’d forgiven him. Because truly, I don’t hate him. I don’t want him to be unhappy. I do want him to enjoy his life. But I just didn’t want to have to be part of it…and I felt guilty about that. So I MADE myself be part of it. But three years ago something broke inside me; I couldn’t do it any more. I had to cut off contact. This visit was the first time I’d seen or spoken to him in 27 months.

Eventually my tears (which I hadn’t managed any control over for the month preceding this encounter) finally dried up, and I didn’t have anything else to say. My mother had never called back or come home. I’d talked for over three hours, and realized that actually, I didn’t feel up for “Round Two” when she returned. So I told him I had to go.

He said he was sorry about everything and walked me to the door. “I hope we can do this again real soon” he commented. I looked at him, kind of sadly, and walked away.

Blessings:
1) Courage and support
2) A year of real progress
3) Hope for the future

And now...

It's that time again...

Reading The Pioneer Woman

So last Wednesday my sister-in-law and her 4 year old planned to meet me at the King’s English for Ree's book signing, which I've already written about. But there was no way my nephew would survive the wait. We didn’t have tickets, and were told they were gone. I was MOst diSPleASed with this information, because I had wanted to meet Ree for years!

In my anticipation I’d had, what I thought at the time was, a brilliant idea: I would make a batch of my scrumdiddilyumptious English Toffee, since she was coming to The King’s English. But I wouldn’t stop there…no, I would make it into a thick BLOCK of toffee, 5x7 inches, like a card! And then I would write her a note in white chocolate on it expressing the true feelings of my heart. It would be far better than a Hallmark. In fact, my toffee cards would become all the rage, Hallmark would ask me to author a whole line of Toffee Greeting Cards. See, I told you it was brilliant.

Anyway, I had gone ahead and made this toffee card, and I had hoped to give it to her.

I now confess that I’m a bit embarrassed by my little offering, heartfelt though it was. See, it hadn’t occurred to me that others of Ree’s minions would be showering her with loads of ultra-fabbo gifts (I have always lacked vision that way). And their gifts wouldn't be of questionable origins (ie: is it sanitary? did she wash her hands? [FWIW I absolutely made it to the highest standards of cleanliness!]), like, for example, a card made from toffee and chocolate in a carefully homemade, foil-wrapped box without a lid, but held in a ziplock freezer bag for ease of viewing.

But I’m kind of glad that I didn’t find out about the gift baskets and Sweet Toothfairy goodies and piles of other manifestations-of-devotion that people were giving her till the next day, or I would have been even more embarrassed that night. (Especially as my chocolate penmanship leaves much to be desired. And because after I started writing I realized I wouldn’t have space to write what I wanted to say, so my message was kind of lame. But this didn’t stop me. Unfortunately.)

So back to my DiSPleASuRe. I was standing in the doorway of the gallery where Ree was speaking behind a massive crowd such that I couldn't see her, grousing to the guard who wasn’t letting anyone in about the unsuitability of the venue chosen for such an illustrious author, when all the sudden there was some applause and then much to my surprise, Ree was walking right towards me.

Figuring I wasn’t going to get another chance to be this close to her, I thrust my paltry offering in front of her as she was trying to exit.

“Ree! I’m Blue, and there are a bazillion people here tonight so I’m not going to have a chance to give this to you so I just thought I’d hand it to you now.” (said in a rushed, only slightly intelligible jumble)

Ree (graciously): “Oh, is it fudge?”

Me: “No, it’s English Toffee” (starting to realize it wasn't actually all that brilliant)

Ree, after reading the card said “Oh your BLUE! I didn’t catch that when you first said it.”

Me: “Yeah, I sent you an apple peeler for your birthday (almost 3 years ago).

Ree: “I remember you! Thanks” she said, giving me a hug before heading off to the bookstore for her signing. And I vowed to never wash my outfit again (ala Marsha Brady after meeting Davy Jones).

Of course it was impossible to pause for a photo op; there were mobs of people around, and I’m sure more than a few who felt like I trumped them by happening to be standing right in Ree’s path. But I walked away ebullient and rejoicing that I’d been able to meet her, and that she actually remembered me. Or faked it really well.


Astonishingly, someone I don't know snapped a pic of The Moment and put it on facebook, Then someone I do know stumbled across it and tagged me. So I have this highly flattering photo of me handing my humble toffee card to Ree. That's Missy in the background (her awesome SIL), and her driver in front (not her body guard. Though I suppose he served dual purpose in a way). (But, MAJOR DOWNGRADE from MM, no?!)

Since we weren't getting in, my SIL & I decided to take my nephew out for ice cream and then dinner. In that order. (She's such a fun mom!) Afterward they dropped me back at my car and I figured I'd just head home, but, Confessions of a Blue Woman time, I was bummed.

Yeah, I’d met Ree. Sure she’d even hugged me, and said she remembered me. But I hadn’t been able to get a book signed. And that was what I’d gone there to do. It had all happened so fast!

I had to pass the book shop to get home and right as I did, someone pulled out. So without thinking I turned into their vacated parking spot.

Making my way through the masses milling about outside, I tried to find out what the deal was. Had they decided to issue more tickets? How fast was the line moving? Could I buy a book and get it signed still?

There was a man standing alone and I thought he looked a bit “official”, so I asked him “Are you in charge here or do you have information?”

“Nope” he replied.

Then I noticed he had a bag that said FoxTV.

“Oh, you’re the media”, I said out loud.

His name was Matt, and he was there to interview Ree for the local news. We chatted for a few minutes and then he said “Mind if I ask you a few questions on camera?”

“Uh, sure” I replied, completely caught off guard.

Here's the thing: I’m new at this whole tv thing, my experiences with that Celebrity Chef not withstanding. (That’s a big story for another time).

Matt instructs me to look into his face, not the camera. I’m preoccupied with awareness that I never reapplied my lipgloss, and isn't someone supposed to do my hair and makeup before they go live? I have a hard time not glancing at the bright light shining in my face. I’m suddenly nervous, cause WOW! Being interviewed for tv about REE!

Matt says “Please say and spell your name”

I reply “My name is Blue. B. L. U. E.”

“So why are you here Blue?”

“Well, I’ve been reading Ree’s blog since it was only a few months old…summer of 2006. I wish I could remember how I found it, but I don’t have any idea. So I thought it would be fun to meet her tonight.”

Matt: “What do you like about her blog?

Me: “I love her writing style and how she’s living a life that is completely foreign to most of us. And when you read her blog, you know you’re going to get a quality product…she’s wholesome and family friendly. I like that about her.”

Matt: “How long are you willing to stay here tonight?”

Me: (on camera, mind you) “Well, how long is Ree going to be here? I’m sure she’s more tired than me, so I'm good till the very end.”

Matt: "Anything else you'd like to add?"

And then, there's a teensy weensy chance that I might have said that I'd love to visit her and stay at her lodge sometime, if she ever did a get-together like that again. I'm hoping I just imagined I said that part though, cause, squirm! Self-invite. How tacky! Suddenly I'm like a star-struck teeniebopper...what's that about?

Matt then informed me that my interview might not make it to the tv, because there was some final World Series Baseball Game going on, and it "looked like the Yankee’s might win it". Yeah, my big moment was in jeopardy because of baseball. “But it will be on the web” he assured me.

Well, near as I can tell, it wasn’t on tv, nor did they put it on their website. The link to the story only goes to Ree's blog. Which I already have memorized, cause DUH!

After his interview with Ree (which he didn't have to have a ticket for! Note to self: next time I want insta-access to someone, bring TV Camera and a wear a Logo Shirt.), Matt walked back outside and, as he passed me he said “Ree says hi.”

“Yeah, sure she did” I replied.

“No really. I told her ‘Blue’s still outside’, and she said ‘I know Blue!’”

Now I'd been toying with leaving because at the rate they were moving, I knew it would be at least 3 more hours. And they were sold out of books...so I couldn't even have her sign one. But that cinched it…Ree said "I know Blue"!

I had to wait. And of course I was last in line. So I was free wander around. I got some shawls and snacks to share while I settled in with the other die-hards. Who are all awesome, by the way.

Anyway, the whole reason I’ve even mentioned this incident today is because I am HORRIBLE at thinking on my feet. Horrible! In fact, scientists have discovered that there is a gene that helps people anticipate things and handle them on the fly, and after testing they've informed me that I am missing that gene. As it turns out.

So when I was answering Matt’s questions, I didn’t manage to express why I really read Ree’s blog. It's been on my mind for a week now. And you don't have to stick around and read anymore of this...I know it's like eleventeen pages long already. But...(was that not the longest lead-in EVER!?)

I read ThePioneerWoman.com because I love how positive Ree is. Have you ever heard her genuinely complain about anything? She teases. She is self-deprecating. But she’s always positive.

Ree seems to be very comfortable with who she is, and her choices in life even though it's a life she never dreamed of before she met MM. I never dreamed I'd still be living the student life in my forties, and there are things I haven't handled with as much grace as I'd like to have done. As I read Ree's blog I learn how to be more like I'd like to be. She’s a great role model as a mom, wife, neighbor and friend.

I read because every time I think about her story, I am reminded of just how filled with possibility all of our lives are. I mean, if you had told Ree four years ago that in the next few years she would go from complete and utter anonymity to being a NYT Bestselling author, with tens of thousands of fans and admirers (and minions) I’m sure she’d have laughed and snorted her coffee up her nose.

I read because I have a deep, conscious appreciation for the hard-working farmers and ranchers in the world. These are the people responsible for the fact that my family is well-fed and have never known hunger. They are the ones who wake up before dawn, and work till after dark. And it’s HARD work! I l♥ve our nation’s farmers. I really appreciate all they do. And while there is honor in all honest labor, some jobs are simply more important than others. The world would keep on turning if there weren’t flight attendants. But it would be a vastly different place without our hardworking farmers and ranchers…and every time I read about their lives, I feel grateful to them for the sacrifices they make. I like feeling grateful.

And finally, I am still reading because back when she wasn’t the biggest blogger on the planet (what, you know someone whose bigger?), when she was only getting 10-20 comments per post, I actually harbored secret hopes of becoming good friends with her. She struck me as a worthwhile person to know; down-to-earth and genuine. Our kids would get along great and we’d have a lot of fun just doing nothing. I imagined trekking on down to Pawhuska and hanging out for a spell at her place. After all, I commented on almost every post, and figured with a name like Blue, she’d at least recognize me over time. And then she'd want to be bffs, and I could help her with her fear of flying and she could help me with the whole cooking thing, for example.

But what actually happened was she became wildly popular before we could become real friends. Clearly it wasn't our destiny to be besties, and I have made peace with that. But I still read her thoughts. And I’m still inspired by her “dive in and figure it out” approach to everything (homeschooling, photography, Photoshop, cooking, etc.). Still love her upbeat attitude, how she freely shares her insights/knowledge, and her happy relationships with those around her. Ree still inspires me as a role model for how I’d like to be in some ways as I reinvent myself while working through the hard things in my past.

And THAT, Matt from FoxTV, is what I would have said when you asked me why I read The Pioneer Woman. It's clearly a good thing I'm missing that gene, cause like, major overshare! )

Grateful for:
1) Farmers and ranchers and other vital hard-working people
2) Endless varieties of healthy, tasty food
3) Memory loss. Helps with the embarrassment factor (I should be over this within a month or two.)
4) Gracious people. They're everywhere!