Ex-Boyfriend Encounters. Sort-of.

Hi lovelies! A friend did a blog post today about running into ex-boyfriends and asked us to share our ex-boyfriend stories. I've had a few awkward encounters, but this one, while not entirely about an ex-boyfriend of mine, was one I thought worth sharing.

I had recently turned eighteen years old when a woman I had been babysitting for off and on for six years asked if I could watch her kids overnight.  I really liked their family, so I agreed to it.

I got to her home and we were catching up a bit before they left on their getaway, and she asked if I was dating anyone.  I told her about a guy I’d just met, who I'll just call "Dave". We hadn’t gone out yet, but Dave had gotten my phone number and said he’d call me. 

Turns out she knew him, and upon hearing this asked, “Do you know how old he is?” 

 

Now, Dave did strike me as older than any other guy I'd gone out with, but that didn’t really bother me at the time because I (naively) fancied myself super-mature and able to hold my own with anyone. Besides, he was quite good-looking, in that George Clooneyish kind of way. The type that could have claimed any age within a twenty-year span and you could credibly believe it. Also, he seemed to be well-off, based on his car and wardrobe...which had it's own kind of appeal.  The fact that he was older and still single was probably just indicative that he was looking for the right woman. And lo, that might just be me, I reasoned.

In fact, Dave himself had asked me how old I thought he was when we met (which was at a church singles dance). I admit I was low-balling it to be polite when I said 29, to which he replied “Close. I’m 31″.

I hadn’t ever dated a man that much older than me (Would have been jail bait till just a couple months before.) (Though not, actually, because I was, after all, a virtuous Mormon girl.)

So I told the friend I was babysitting for “He’s thirty-one″, to which she laughed out loud and shared the following story, related to her by her sister Karen, who knew all the parties involved:

Karen had gone to school and worked with Dave for many many years and knew him well. When he was in college, Dave had a girlfriend named Jane for a couple years. Jane loved Dave and wanted to take their relationship to the next level, but it seems Dave was something of a ladies' man, and when it became clear that he wasn’t interested in settling down, they parted ways and life moved on. 

Jane met and married a wonderful guy, and they raised a family together. One evening Jane’s daughter, now 19 years old, was upstairs getting ready to go out on a date. The doorbell rang, Jane opened the door, and was surprised to see her ex-boyfriend Dave, whom she hadn't seen in twenty-four years, standing there.

Dave, upon seeing Jane, seemed flustered, and stammered out a greeting followed by some lame excuse about "just being in the neighborhood and thinking he’d stop by and say hi and see how she was doing", but that "something had come up and he had to go". He wished her well and abruptly left.  "That was bizarre", Jane thought to herself as she shut the door.

A few minutes later her daughter comes downstairs to wait for her date to arrive. A little time passes, the date hasn't shown up. Jane asks her daughter "Who are you going out with tonight?"  Her daughter tells her the date's name. 

Sure enough, it's Jane's old college boyfriend, Dave.  Dave, who who was still out there, playing the field, chasing one girl after another for all these years, while a whole lifetime had passed for Jane as she raised her family. 

Needless to say, after hearing this story from my friend, who informed me that Dave was actually forty-eight years old (!), I didn’t return his call when he rang to ask me out. But I couldn’t avoid him a couple months later when he cornered me at the punch bowl during another dance. 

“You didn’t return my calls!” he says with a flirty grin. 

“You lied to me about your age”, I stated, looking him straight in the eye. 

"Yeah, I heard you found out about that", he cheekily responds “But how could I tell you my actual age when you thought I was 29?” 

“How can you attempt to start out any kind of relationship with a flat-out lie? To say nothing about what on earth a 48 year old would want with an 18 year old. Let me guess. Was it my keen mind that fascinated you?” 

A few months later I met the guy who would eventually become my husband…he was 5 months younger than me, and it probably wasn’t my keen mind that fascinated him, either, but at eighteen, that was understandable. At least he wasn't two years older than my father!

So, tell me your ex-boyfriend encounters. Any good ones?

India: Part 2

Three months ago, I ran at a flat-out sprint from the NYC subway, to the JFK Air Train, from the Air Train to Terminal 5, through security, and finally reaching the departure gate for my flight home,  just as the agent was preparing to shut the door.  Whew!

Grateful to have made it (after grossly miscalculating how much of a delay there would be getting to the airport due to the NYC Marathon that day), I sank breathlessly into my window seat, while apologizing to the two people next to me that I'd just climbed over, who were no doubt hoping that they'd have the row to themselves. (I always feel guilty when I get a window seat and a paying customer is in the middle.) (I have often offered to switch seats, when I'm feeling compassionate.)  (I was completely exhausted that day, and had firm plans to sleep the entire way home.) (That didn't happen.)

We struck up a conversation, the three of us, and in a singular occurrence in all my flying (which is eleven years this month) (!!!!), we ended up talking the entire flight.  Our conversation continued through deplaning, down to baggage claim, then outside till they got in a cab for their hotel.

Turned out V and M (as I'll refer to them here) were newlyweds, and they'd been enroute for about 26 hours at that point, traveling from their home in India where where he is from and where they now live, to the states where she is from.  

When I found out they were coming from India, I of course lit up. In fact, I likely started gushing.  "I love India! I love the food, the people. I've loved the movies and plays set in India that I've seen. I've read books by Indian authors. I don't know why, but I just love India." (which love commenced as described in my last post). 

Meeting them was serendipitous because, as an American woman who had traveled around India, and who now lives there, M is uniquely positioned to give me tips on when and where to go, what to see, and advise on the Safety Factor (which became a concern for me after watching Slumdog Millionaire). She's also a Mormon, like me, so we had that additional connection.  I got out my laptop and began taking notes on everything they said, presuming this was my one big chance to get an inside scoop.

I don't know if I've ever been more captivated than I was during those hours that we flew across the continent, sharing their hummus, salsa and chips (grateful, as I was completely starving) and learning about how they met (at at TED Conference of all places! I'm crazy about TED talks...as my regular readers may know), and getting to know them.

And then somehow, early in the conversation, I discovered something amazing:
V grew up knowing Mother Theresa. 

I was actually SITTING NEXT TO someone who had not only met, but KNEW Mother Theresa!  (I shook his hand, so if you like, you can be 2 hand-shakes away from shaking hers.) 

V's grandfather had, as it turned out, managed all the finances for Mother Theresa's organization for many many decades, and is still involved even though she passed away in 1997.  I couldn't believe it. I briefly mentioned my dream, and he shared some anecdotal stories with me that he knew about her.

I painted a miniature picture of my peacock.
This is actual size.

The time flew quickly by.  When we landed, V pulled our bags down from the overhead bin, and then surprised me by presenting me with a blue velvet box. "We have a gift for you" he said, handing it to me. How they could have a gift for me when we'd just met on the plane was apparently beside the point. Inside was a beautiful silver peacock figurine. I have always loved the colors of the peacock (beta fish, too), and this little guy was so pretty.  What a thoughtful gesture!

We exchanged contact info, vowing to keep in touch. They invited us to visit them in India, which increases the likelihood of me going there exponentially, (I enjoy knowing people in the places I visit. Adds depth and richness to the experience.) and we parted ways. I assumed it would be quite some time before we saw each other again.

But happily, an opportunity presented itself just last month. V had to come to the states again, and we had the pleasure of starting off 2012 by hosting him during his visit. 

We had a wonderful time, going for a hike in our lovely canyon, visiting the lights at Temple Square, eating gelato, and just learning more about him, his lovely wife M, and India in general. Both of them are now on the list of people I know who are doing amazing things with their lives. Who make a difference in the world (it's quite an impressive list). 

It fascinates, inspires, and also frustrates me...since I can't seem to zero in on what direction to focus my energies, to still be stumped about what course I should pursue with my free time, and with the next phase of my life (which will be upon me in six short years when Gator graduates). But a conversation at dinner one evening gave me a tiny glimpse into one way to figure it out. I asked V, "how did you decide to get involved in and do the specific things that you are doing with your time and resources?" 

Bunch, V, and Doc on our hike in Millcreek Canyon

(note: I had researched him before he came to stay with us...a point I admitted to him openly since I knew I'd want to ask him about them, and also to let him know that I'm not in the habit of bringing random people into my home who might be creepers, even though there was honestly no possibility of that with him...you just know when you meet some people. You know? Should also note that M has an impressive record of actively making the world a better place, too. They're quite a pair. In my searching, I had discovered an array of things that he is involved in that he'd likely never have mentioned himself because of his modest nature.)

Anyway, his reply was the first thing that has given me a glimmer of insight: "I think it primarily comes down to the experiences I've had in my life, because of my family, and what I was exposed to." 

This comment brought to mind a statement made by a man named Henry Eyring, about a time when he was taught that our experiences aren't just for ourselves, and was instructed to "write them down" so he could share them with others.  

This led me think that perhaps my experiences, those things that I have learned and
gone through that have shaped and formed me into the person I am today, maybe those are somehow connected to what I should do with the next phase of my life. 

I had a lot of momentum a few years ago when I began writing a memoir (inspired by Jeanette Walls The Glass Castle, because her book really changed my life), which fizzled out for a number of reasons that I won't delineate right now, but a big one is that I still have work to do on that journey of healing. But perhaps something in that realm, using what I've gone through and overcome to help others in the same situation? I don't know for sure yet, but it was nice to have some tiny spark of inspiration.

I gave the miniature painting of Philippe the Peacock to V and M, as a thank you/reminder of our serendipitous encounter and the resultant friendship.  I'm hoping that in the next year or so we'll be able to make it over to see them and experience India first hand (maybe someone will be able to teach me how to make naan and cook makhani and tikka masala sauce to rival that found at my favorite restaurant, Bombay House) (and maybe I'll get to have my own, bona fide Mother Theresa experience).

And that's the story, people. You just never know what's around the bend, do you?

India

I have a kind of crush on India. The first time I had anything to do with India was about thirteen years ago.  We were living in Chicago while Doc was working on his Ph.D.  One night I had a dream...one of those exceptionally vivid dreams that (at least for me) are so rare. Most nights, whatever dreams I may have had fade away and are long gone by the time I awake. I'll go years without being aware of any dreams whatsoever.  

But this night was strange and unique. In my dream I was shadowing Mother Theresa as she went about her work in the slums of Calcutta, and I was REALLY excited (in my dream) because I knew that at the end of the day I was going to find out the answer to a burning question that had been (in my dream) plaguing me, which is, How does an essentially selfish person like me become like her?  I.e.,  how does someone get from a life that is good, to a life of greatness, as measured by the condition of one's heart?  And I was SO excited to know (in the dream) that at the end of the day I'd be given this secret information.  

So we worked, Mother Theresa and I, side by side all the day long, and then it was time. She told me that my answer was going to be given to me as soon as I went through a particular door, and ushered me toward it. I reached out to open the door,

and then I woke up. (you totally didn't see that coming, did you? Neither did I.)

Anyway, I was SO upset! As soon as I awoke, I tried desperately to claw my way back into sleep, back into this fascinating dream, to rewind and let myself pick it up again, anywhere, that would lead me back to the door and to the answer to this important question (that, until my dream, I had never wondered about before).  

But I never did get there.

Mother Theresa with some of her children.

Now at that time, I wouldn't have been able to pick Mother Theresa out of a three-person line up. I honestly knew nothing about her, except that she worked with the poor. This dream had so much information in it that I had never known before. It was in every way vivid and realistic...with smells and sights that were totally out of my experience in life.  It was kind of freaky, honestly.

I remember mentioning it to my neighbor and dear friend, Ann, and it was her reaction to my dream that impressed upon me that it was a kind of significant dream. I had never (and kind of still don't) attached any special significance to dreams...though I've had a handful of them in my life that seem like they are kind of in a class of their own in terms of information or meaning. But it was this dream that started my (continuing) crush with India. 

I read all the books I could find at the time about Mother Theresa, none of which were that compelling in my opinion. Though I gained some factual information about her life and work, they were missing the heart somehow. They didn't manage to inspire or motivate one to action of any sort...which is what I think I was expecting or hoping they'd do.

My disappointment about waking up before making it into The Room With The Answer was mollified another night not too long afterward, when I was up with my crying baby.  Pacing the moonlit room, I noticed a book on my piano, open to a song which I hadn't taken particular notice of before. As I gently bounced my baby in my arms, the words jumped off the page and into my heart.  It wasn't a huge mystery, this answer I sought.  It was something I'd been taught my whole life, summed up nicely in the words of a children's hymn:

I’m trying to be like Jesus; I’m following in his ways.
I’m trying to love as he did, in all that I do and say.
At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice,
But I try to listen as the still small voice whispers, 

“Love one another as Jesus loves you. Try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought, For these are the things Jesus taught.”

I’m trying to love my neighbor; I’m learning to serve my friends.
I watch for the day of gladness when Jesus will come again.
I try to remember the lessons he taught. Then the Holy Spirit enters into my thoughts, saying

“Love one another as Jesus loves you. Try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought, For these are the things Jesus taught.”

Love. Kindness. Gentleness. Remembering. Serving. The simple, everyday things. The stuff of life. The things we can all do, for everyone we encounter in some small way, even if it's just letting your eyes smile into another's. It took my strange dream to start thinking about this in a new way.

That dream was just the beginning of my India Crush. It would be another seven years or so before I discovered Indian food (oh my word! chicken makhani, tikka masala, naan, basmati rice...I Love You Most Of All!), and slowly, other aspects of India would find their way into my life until I found myself fascinated and both enchanted and terrified of the whole of India (but mostly fascinated.)  (I saw Slumdog Millionaire on a plane...hence the the enchanted and terrified part).

The Abyssal Zone*

Hey guys, Doc said he missed me writing on my blog, so here is something I wrote:

sometimes I wish it were
the actual ocean
because that’s what it feels like
sometimes

it’s dark
and heavy
and the pressure increases
the deeper i sink

it’s cold
and lonely
dangerous and vast
and has the potential to kill

it’s even salty and wet
(when the tears won’t stop flowing)
sometimes i can’t seem to
get enough air

but it's not the ocean
and i don’t actually drown
no peace greets me
from a realm known for light

because i keep on fighting
to reach the surface
while the lifeguard watches me struggle
from afar

eventually i claw my way up to the beach
where the sun dries and warms me
(at least till the next high tide
drags me back under)

 Some days this is just how it is, peeps.

* The Abyssal Zone

11-11-11 Dance

Hey you guys!  Happy 2012!

I've finally put together a little slideshow of one of the highlights from 2011: The Dance

Bunch turned 15 on 11-11-11, so I decided since it was a ONCE IN A CENTURY date, and it was a Friday, that we should totally have a dance party to celebrate.
(You can click the arrows that appear when you hover over the slideshow to zoom fwd/back or stop on a photo.)

So many wonderful people made it happen, and we had a great turnout. I'm so impressed with the quality kids that live around here and make up my daughter's peer group. They were just delightful.  My talented, generous sister-in-law came and took over 250 photos of the evening...these are just a sample of them. 

Special thanks also goes to my brother-in-law-turned DJ Extraordinaire...he was a ton of fun as he MC'd the evening. Bunch's awesome piano teacher loaned us the sound system, and several of our favorite friends came to help chaperone. My dear bestie Shelah's contributions and help were indispensable in making it special.  

Admission was a non-perishable donation to the Utah Food Bank; we collected 212 pounds of food that night, and dropped it off the next day.  It really was a magical, once-in-a-lifetime experience for Bunch, and I enjoyed everything about it. 

(Also, seriously can't believe I haven't heard from MOTY yet.  Hello?!!! ;-) )

Perchance To Dream

Last Friday, Doc took the day off work and the two of us flew to Long Beach for a little overnight get-away for my birthday. It was absolutely wonderful! 

Dodge Charger

We got this ridiculously amazing deal on Hotwire.com at the five-star Island Hotel in Newport Beach, so our accommodations were superb in every way, particularly because one thing on our agenda was going to the 103rd annual Christmas Boat Parade around Balboa Island...which was just a mile away.  Perfect!

I always reserve economy rental cars, but when we got to Alamo, they upgraded us to a sweet set of wheels. I've never had a car without a key before.  And talk about acceleration! This was a fun ride.

Tunnel through the rocks

Saturday we went to Treasure Island Park, which is a beautiful stretch of coast in South Laguna. We loved exploring the beautiful gardens and rocks along the shore. It was low tide, so we hiked out on the rocks where we were surrounded by ocean, and just talked for a couple hours with the air and the smells and sounds of the sea filling us up and making us feel peaceful.  Ahh, dear ocean, I love you!

Looking inland from the rocks, accessible because it was low tide.

"What are your dreams?", Doc asked me as we sat, mesmerized by the ocean.  I paused for a while before answering, because I wanted to check in with myself.  Do I currently have any dreams? I wondered.  Growing up, my greatest dream was having a happy marriage and family. Really, that was all I wanted in my life, and while it takes effort to maintain, that dream has pretty much come true. But I never really had aspirations beyond these two things.

Sometimes opportunities have presented themselves and I've seized them.  Like when I became a flight attendant eleven years ago - that has been a very happy thing in my life. I also tend to get excited for other people and their dreams, happily signing on to support them in lieu of chasing my own dreams.  For example, it's taken a lot of effort to put Doc through his Ph.D. and then, later, going to medical school, but I don't regret any of the sacrifices it's taken to help him get to this point.

Doc & my sis. They're actually so much alike it's scary. And wonderful.

YMMV but it seems like there has almost been a movement towards not just having dreams, but having BIG DREAMS. People SHOULD have an admirable dream! You are wasting your life otherwise. 

So lately I've almost felt guilty about not having a big dream that I'm actively working towards.  Everyone around me seems to be, so what the heck is my problem?!

Doc didn't ask this question to pressure me. He's just genuinely curious, and supportive of me in pursuing worthwhile things.  He recognizes that some people (me) tend to be more process-oriented, while others are seem to need a specific goal that they're actively pursuing. Their dreams may fulfill any number of purposes, such as:

• Making their lives meaningful - by making a difference in the world whether large-scale or small. Starting a charity, volunteerism (eg: school, community counsel, church, soup kitchen), doing God's work, finding a cure for the common cold, etc. They want to leave a legacy behind them.
• Self-improvement - eg: become healthier (lose weight, work out more, eat healthier), acquire education (get a degree, take piano lessons, learn to scrapbook, bake, cook etc), find a partner (romance goals), all things that make them more accomplished and self-confident.
• Have lots of fun - such things as travel the world, go in a hot air balloon, be a guest on Oprah.  The pursuit of fun, unique, interesting experiences. (It seems these kinds of goals are wildly popular.)
• Negative motivation - like proving to someone else that you could do something, eg: those kids who were mean to your nerdy self growing up, doing something impressive so you can show them. This kind of goal can still bring about positive results, even though it's not the best starting point.
• Goals that you set because you need to - like learning to walk and talk after a stroke, quitting smoking BECAUSE it's KILLING YOU, or training as a stenographer for a new career as a court reporter. 
• General goals or aims, such as "eat healthier" or "spend quality time with my spouse and kids", or "be an optimist - accentuate the positive in life"...and doing these kinds of things can help improve one's overall life, but they tend to be less accountable. (These are the kinds of "goals" I've generally had.)

Though once upon a time I was a person with modest aspirations, they have all either come to pass or didn't come to fruition, and I never zeroed in on new goals. Hence, I've landed in this place of not really doing much good with my life the last while (few years?). 

Now granted, during this time I've been working hard to heal from the past, and fending off depression can be a major goal/dream/aspiration/pursuit killer. But there's no point in waiting till I'm "better" to have dreams I'm working on. I love how Leonard Cohen put it in his song Anthem:

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

So I've (again) begun thinking about goals and dreams.  I've watched this gorgeous message, and am hoping to identify what it is that I actually want. There are lots of things I'm pretty good at or that other people have suggested, but they haven't moved me to action. I'm sure that fear is the primary reason I am kind of stuck. Some of my dreams have been dashed, but rather than move on, I've felt sorry for myself and stopped trying, so as to avoid failure. How crazy is that?!  Also, I can be pretty lazy. 

I'm not yet sure what my dreams are. But I'm starting to zero in on the subject. I think I have a pretty good sense of the person I want to be generally (those General Goals mentioned above)...thoughtful, grateful, nice, honest, loyal, faithful to truth. I want to turn weaknesses into strengths, create happy memories for people I love, be a parent to and friends with my kids forever, and grow really old with my sweetheart while never losing the spark of love that we have. That would be a life well-lived. But in addition to these basics, I know there is room for me to soar.

Holiday Crimson Amaryllis

My darling bestie Keri sent me a gift this week for my birthday. Her note said "Sometimes beauty takes time. This is your year, Blue" 

It's an amaryllis, and it didn't come with instructions on how to make it bloom. Neither did I, but between all the resources out there, and the lovely people around me, I know that if I choose to, I can find and reach any dream I make.

Shakespeare asked well when he said: 
To be, or not to be, that is the question. 
I want to be.  And, perchance, to dream. 

Merry Christmas to you!
xoxo 

PS: (Did you click that first link? If you click nothing else, promise yourself that you will take just 10 minutes of your life and watch it. You won't regret it UNLESS YOUR HEART IS A PETRIFIED ROCK. I've watched it at least 15 times so far. Thank me later...preferably via a comment.)

Forty-Three!

It's midnight, straight up...which means it's officially my birthday! I'm grateful for so many things that I thought I'd make a random list of 43 of them. First, a quote I like:

My cake from 2010. So pretty!

There is always room for more gratitude in your life - more room for you to express it, and more room for you to receive it from others. Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others. ~ Cicero Roman.

So, in no particular order:

1. Doc took a vacation day on Friday so he'd have some time to spend with me. HOTY*
2. Gator sets his alarm 30 minutes early every day, so he can come upstairs and snuggle with me for half an hour before he gets ready for school.
3. Bunch being such a great example for me. Since her thirteenth birthday over two years ago, she has never missed a single day of reading her scriptures (three chapters a night; two in the Old Testiment and one in The Book of Mormon) and writing in what she calls her Hand of God journal--a record she keeps to take note of the ways God has touched her life that day. She's inspiring.
4. I have so many really ridiculously wonderful friends. I mean, WHO HAS BETTER FRIENDS THAN ME? No one, that's who! Sorry to lump you all in together, friends. But seriously, if we're friends, you should just know you are amazing and I love you.
5. How cold and crisp the tap water is in the winter here. It's one of the things I love about winter (which, btw, is not a long list. #heatlover).
6. My neighbors are finally all lovely people and I don't hate going outside any longer.
7. The internet. It is a blessing and a time sink that I often mismanage, but I love it.
8. People who are truly charitable. And I don't mean in the "giving to charities" sense, rather in the 1 Corinthians 13 sense. I want to be like them.
9. Dear Really Good Books, I love to read and get lost in you. Please thank your authors on my behalf!
10. If anyone can share a better perk than my (paid) job comes with, I'll make you a batch of toffee. Those flight benefits are a thing I will ever be grateful for. NOTE: as of Nov. 28th this year, I have been a flight attendant for exactly one-quarter of my life.  That is crazy!
11. Music. Nothing else in this world has ever reached out and grabbed my soul and helped me just feel the way beautiful music does. I'm kind of particular about music because it affects me so much...can't handle stuff that doesn't have a good spirit about it. Kind of moronic in a way, but that's how I roll.
12. Hope. I'm grateful for hope's ability to help me and others carry on when things are hard or sad.  So hope, you deserve a gold star today! Thanks!
13. Health. Really Really REalLY! Is there anything worse than not having it?! You might think not having money is worse, but you'd be wrong.
14. Christmas cards. I am grateful for the mail every day right now, because so far we've gotten at least one card every time the mail arrives. So great to hear from people near and far. I feel all special and loved.
15. My sisters. They are my dearest friends. I miss them both pretty much every day of my life. There is simply nothing else like a sister.
16. My piano. It dominates 42.093581% of our livable space, but I couldn't live without it. Plus, bonus delight when my daughter and husband play it.
17. Random acts of kindness. I was the recipient of a generous one last month. What a lovely thing to be able to do something for someone that changes their life for the better! I hope someday I can really make a difference for someone else!
18. I just learned how to make caramel. It's beyond.
19. I still make amazing toffee. And cakes. This is a fun thing to do for others.
20. Hot running water. Okay, I like drinking cold tap water, but can you imaging if you had never experienced the luxury of bathing in hot water?  I feel so spoiled every time I'm in the shower or a hot bath, and think about the billions of people who've lived and died without ever having that amazing experience. I am a hot water LOVER! And hogger.
21. 24-hour Fitness gym membership. Somehow, even though I only go like once a month and am horrible about fitness, just knowing that it's always open and there for me if when I DO get off my duff and make it there is a great comfort to me. And they have a hot tub, too. (see #20)  I tried Yoga this week...3rd time in my life doing that. #feltgood
22. My therapist. Okay guys, seriously? What was I paying every other person I've seen in the past 20 years for? She has been helping me in so many ways. What a gift. I'm grateful she uses her time and talents to help people like me who have had hard things to sort through and heal from. Tender mercy of the Lord, indeed.
23. Blogging. I don't do it much these days, and I know Commenting Is So 2007! (for the most part).  But I still feel grateful for the people who read my patch of cyberspace, for the love and support and the friendships and insights I've gained from others, and how blogging has edified my life Lo These Many Years! 
24. Speaking of...I won a prize on a blog last month. I'm not telling what it is, but it was a good one and I intend to share it in 10 days! So yay! Grateful!
25. Libraries. I can't buy books...really, just almost none right now. So not in the budget. But I love reading and so do my kids. It's my favorite tax-supported thing.  Whoever invented libraries is a hero. I wish I were talented enough to do something like this to express my appreciation.
26. That color that the sky turns during sunrise or sunset. PinkyOrangishPurpley Gloriousness. Fills me with awe. Every time. (Okay, mostly sunset. See #36)
27. Gator's note thanking me for "Making his Kidhood such a happy one".
28. The mountains just east of my home have such a beautiful silhouette and shape. They're majestic!
29. Airplanes. Uncle Orville and Wilbur--I know that they'd have eventually been invented if you hadn't done it, but I just want to tell you that you guys are total rock ✰★✰★s!!!
30. Knowing how to make fun shapes with the keyboard like ✿.•*¨`*•✿.•*¨`*•✿ and  ♥
31. Opportunities to help other people in small, meaningful ways that they appreciate. As fun as it is to receive, it really is more rewarding to give than to receive for some reason. Seems like the joy lasts longer or something. I really do feel grateful when I make a difference for someone else in my own little way.
32. Opportunities to learn and grow. Sometimes these "opportunities" are really painful, but I do appreciate how they make me stronger. If they'd killed me, then I probably wouldn't be so grateful. But so far so good!
33. Cars that run. They're not fancy, but they're paid for and pretty reliable. And such a luxury, really. #canyouimaginewalkingeverywhere?
34. My faith. I know many people have little or no use for faith, religion, etc. in their lives. But I am who I am today because of the truth that I've learned (and am still trying to incorporate.) It is the greatest source of peace, hope and happiness in my life. Without it, I'd have destroyed my life a thousand times over with the idiotic choices and decisions I'd have made through the years. And when I HAVE made a mess of things, my faith has taught me how to turn things around again, and find that peace and happiness we all want. I believe in Christ, and I know he is our Savior, even for those of us who don't believe or understand why we needed one. And I'm very grateful for this.
35. The lights everywhere this time of year. Can't we all just agree to leave them up the entire winter?! Because I could probably learn to like the colddarkdreary months more if we did. They make me happy and make everything seem better. So thank you to everyone who puts lights on their homes. It's a sweet gift to strangers and friends alike.
36. Every morning, even if I'm still sounds asleep (which has been the case 94.3729% of the time), Doc and Bunch both come hug me before they leave for the day. Sometimes I know they're in a rush, but they do it anyway. (Bunch has her first class at 6am, so she leaves in the dark before the dawn). I'm an owl by nature, but wish I were a lark!
37. Good teachers for my kids. If someone gets to spend all that waking time with my darlings instead of me, then you can bet that I'm completely grateful for teachers who care about and nurture their minds and souls with wisdom, kindness, patience, creativity, beauty, inspiration and general niceness. Just being NICE to kids can make such a difference in a life! And mine both have great teachers this year.  #Winning
38. Things that make me laugh. Don't you love a good belly laugh?!
39. Discovering that a new food that I previously didn't like is now something I enjoy. Latest addition to my palate? Butternut Squash Soup. Who knew?!
40. Frienships with older people. Tonight my 89 year old cousin (okay, her mother and my grandfather were siblings...so,1st cousin once removed?) called me. She is such a darling, and we talk every 2-3 months. It's been one of the delights of my adult life to have a few dear older women "adopt" me and reach out. A year ago this week I lost my darling Alice, who was a grandmotherly figure for me my whole life. I'm excited to attend Georgiana's 90th birthday celebration next summer because I haven't seen her in 14 years. What a gem of a person. I want to be like these dears ladies in many ways.
41. Travel. Wait, you think I already mentioned this? It's different than flight benefits. I want to see SO many places. It makes me so happy to ponder the things I've yet to experience in this great big, amazingbeautifulwonderful world.
42. Rocks, Trees, and Water. Am I weird because I just love these things? Whatever. I have simply been enchanted by the colors, patterns, scent, shapes, majesty and power of them, and all they provide for us. I am RT&W Fan #1. (Yes, I am weird.)
43. Here I am at 43. What should this final slot contain after this random list of stuff? Really, I think I must end with my gratitude for gratitude. Meaning, that feeling that fills you up to the tippy top of you, all cozyhappywarmandlovely when you allow yourself to really be grateful and quiet inside. It's the best feeling I know, and makes me want to try harder to be a better me. You get that, too, right?!

Here's to another 43 years!

*Husband Of The Year. In recent polls, he is the frontrunner for the title.  

Wait, you're STILL HERE?  You mean you read that entire list? Wow. You are even MORE amazing than I even realized! #fivestarblogbuddy

 

Twenty-Four

From the moment I met him, he seemed larger than life. I think it was initially his mind that impressed me. He was one of those golden boys who had always had straight A's and full-scholarships. His artistic abilities were considerable, as were his musical talents. He was earnest, hard-working, un-assuming, kind-hearted, deep-rooted.  The list of his admirable qualities (which wasn't just in my mind...I actually wrote it down) was long.  He was unassuming and liked by all...or at the very least disliked by none, which was a feat I was particularly positioned to appreciate given my tumultuous  teen years.  He was from a lovely, solid family and had four younger siblings that adored him. He was well-adjusted and happy.

And he liked me.

ME!

(?!)

That fact alone was usually all it took for me to fall for a guy based on my self-worthlessness at that time. But for some inexplicable reason, I just wanted to be friends.  I really liked him. I admired him. But more than that, I just wanted to be with him...and any guy I'd ever fallen for in the past was pretty much a flash-in-the-pan and then our friendship was over. 

So I told him I just want to be friends, and even though he liked me still, he said "that's fine."  

And so it began.  

That was twenty-four years ago this month.  

We hung out all the time.  We could talk for hours about everything.  We DID talk about everything that crossed our minds.  He became my best friend and every moment that we were together felt miraculous and wonderful. It was like landing on a whole new universe of possibility and joy, being with him.   Pretty soon I realized that I was totally in love. And I told him so.  He said he'd been in love with me from the start. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that someone was actually in love with me. 

It was glorious.

Because of the difference in our self-esteem levels at that time in particular, it was easy to pedestalize him.  The sky was not a limit for him I secretly thought. I practically immortalized him, but he didn't let it go to his head or buy into it in any way.  Still, I knew we were going to be an amazingunstopableandchangetheworld couple, because he was more than enough to make up for my (believed) deficits. 

I had no real concept of what kind of pressure being highly-esteemed can create, to say nothing of the already internalized pressure of being a provider for a family when you're just barely done with childhood yourself.  He didn't seek my sky-high-opinion. He honestly didn't entertain thoughts of greatness. He has always been genuinely modest that way.  He treated me as though we were equals.

We wed early in the morning on a warm summer day in 1990. We were so young and undeveloped as individuals at the time, only twenty-one, but I felt confident about our ability to take on the entire world...every bit the legitimate grown-up that the law said we were (until the day we tried to rent a car and had an "under 25" policy apply.  But we've been married for three years! How am I not a full-fledged adult? I wondered.)  

I've come to think it takes most of your twenties to truly become an adult.

The pressure from without to be a certain way comes from all sectors: family, school, church, work, friends, country.  It is present in all our lives, but I think some individuals are more deeply affected by it than others...they internalize it.  The expectations inspire some, but anchor others, and not always in a place they wish to be. This can be a heavy responsibility. I think of young teenage boys who are drafted to fight older men's wars, and the heavy toll that is exacted of them in the name of duty, honor, responsibility to country.  Sometimes it's just way too much. But there are individuals who are really exceptional at carrying on, no matter what.

On this week of thanksgiving, I've been pondering the abundance of blessings in my life, and they are legion, but there was a moment when I sensed an awareness of gratitude for Doc, different than ever before.  

Perhaps it was the angle of weariness in his posture after a long, difficult day at the hospital, when he came home to a sick wife and neglected kids who needed nursing, food, homework help, and parenting, and he just took care of everything despite his own personal preferences and needs, that I became aware of this.

Of course this is just what we do, all of us, but I think it comes more naturally to some than others.  For some, it is actually a labor of love, a conscious choice made every time, rather than their natural way of being.  

Maybe it was as I lay upon my bed, home alone, head and body aching with fever, wishing for comfort and relief from any one, but realizing it was him that I would have especially liked to have near me.

No matter when it happened, there came a moment when I saw my sweet husband with new eyes. With a wash of appreciation for his steady, enduring, patient, endless presence and love in my life. For his forgiving nature, his long-suffering with things that he'd otherwise have not had to have in his life, were it not for the choice he made to just love me, loose ends and all, those many years ago. And the many years since.  

For how he does his very best to manage and meet the great number of different expectations so many people have of him in the best way he can, while still retaining a sense of who he is on his inside.   It's a hard juggling act, and one that many people would have just walked away from altogether.  But he stays, and keeps juggling.

Today I'm very grateful for my dear husband, whom I call Doc.  His name is Brad, and my name is Julia. He calls me silly nicknames more than my own name (today I'm "Jay-beepen-beeber"). He makes me laugh and makes me proud and makes me stretch and learn and grow by just journeying through the years with me.

He still believes in me and what I might accomplish in my life...calls me his "wild card". He encourages the best in me, but never tries to live my life for me, and even if I never do anything exceptional or amazing, he'll still be here for me. 

He hugs me goodbye every morning though I'm still in bed when he leaves for the hospital.  He reads what I write and gives me thoughtful, encouraging feedback. He puts up with my lack of consistent domesticity, my tendency for messes and clutter. 

He takes exceptionally good care of himself in terms of food and exercise and health. He gives his time and money and support to things that I believe in. He is diplomatic and tactful. He has never laid a finger on me no matter how infuriating I may be at times and I know I can trust him 100%. He appreciates the smallest things I do, like making a nice dinner, or folding his clean laundry.  

He fathers our sweet children in a gentle, kind way, and has a tender, beautiful relationship with each of them.  We aren't perfect and we've had our major ups and of course even more major downs because that's just how all relationships are, but he's on my team and is a constant I can hang my star on. 

For these reasons, and countless more, I am exceptionally grateful.  In fact, in the vast universe of things I count as blessings in my life--which includes all my dear friends, and you lovely readers of this blog, I think Doc, my Brad, is probably the what I'm MOST grateful for on this day of Thanksgiving.  And that's just how it should be.

I love you, Sweetest! And I'm grateful for twenty-four years of life with you! ♥

Match Moment. After years of schooling and applying to various residency programs all around the country, this envelope revealed what kind of doctor he would train to be during residency, and where that training would take place.
That was an incredible experience.

Soaring

A couple of weeks ago Bunch decided she wanted to compose a song to perform in her school talent show this year. She worked on it for the week before auditions, and was  pretty nervous that day. Seventy-one acts tried out, but only twenty-one would make the cut and there is a LOT of talent in her school. She felt good about her performance, but either way, she was just glad to have it behind her.

Well, she made it.  I was scheduled to fly that day, but ended up being in town because of a head cold.  I made sure I was all ready with a full battery and empty memory card to record her performance.  So imagine how disappointed I was when a minute into her song my camera turned off...I realized that it had been on the camera setting and not the video setting, so after 60 seconds of inactivity it powered down.  I quickly switched on, but only got the last half of her performance which was AMAZING, the best I've ever heard her play it.  The kids cheered like crazy.

But today I was happy to have another chance to capture her playing it during a small piano recital at her teacher's home.  In her words, "it wasn't quite as good as the talent show", but she still did a fine job. 

The name of her piece is Soaring.

Here is her recital piece from last spring, and the one a year and a half ago with her first piano teacher.

A Saucy Post

I'm not much to write about in the kitchen.  Sure, I have made a few cakes that have been a hit, and my English Toffee is THE STUFF OF LEGEND.  But really, cooking has never been a strong suite, and I think it's because for most dishes, the key is THE SAUCE.  

And by sauce, I mean the seasonings, gravies, saucy, flavorey things that you add to the bulky ingredients.  This is where I have a deficit and need help.  Because, plain baked chicken? Boring! Chicken baked in heaven makhani sauce? I'd live on a deserted island with nothing else to eat for the rest of my life.  Fancy cut of steak? Meh.  But whatever it is that they put on it and do to it over at Christophers? Oh.My.  

So I think what I really need is a sauce cooking class.  Where you learn how to make all the seasonings and sauces that make food so worthwhile.  The quarterly community college/continuing education catalogs come in the mail periodically, and they offer classes on everything from fringey alternative "medicine" therapies or how to communicate with the dead, to basic computer skills, but I have never seen a cooking class that focuses on just the seasonings and sauces side of cooking. Someone get on that, will you?! And sign me up. Alternatively, does anyone know of a sauce-blog that teaches this stuff. With pictures?

Okay, not saucy enough? Here's Doc and I on Saturday night dressed up as Harry and Hermione GONE DARK. Only Doc looks like HARRY AFTER JOINING KISS, and I just look like a vapid witch that has never even heard of Hermione.  That's what The Dark does to people, ya know?!

Doc has Harry's spectacles on, but the black makeup around his eyes did a good job of concealing that fact. And btw, did you notice how young I look with superlonghair? Hmmm...

 Also, it's November 1st, so only 11 days till The Dance. And it's snowing at my house. We all know how much I love the snow. (Kimber? Is your spare bed available?!)