Tuesday, September 15, 2009

This Life...

...It's amazing. It truly is, and I recognize this fact. But someday I'm going to look back and have regrets. I know this because I already do. I already lament the days, like this past week+, when I am young, healthy, free, and able, but can't shake the heavy, wet-blanket of despair that has no basis in my reality, but which feels so real.

It's like I become invisible in my own body, and only the residue of my soul is left carrying on doing the laundry, paying the bills, mopping the floor and making meals for my sweet family.

Hours pass by. Hours during which I could have created something lasting, made something beautiful, brightened someone's day, served someone in need, made a difference in the world. But I didn't. And then the day is over and I go to sleep, hoping that tomorrow will be different. That tomorrow I will live in a way so as to not regret these precious days of my life.

I hope today is that tomorrow.
Silhouette

Grateful for:

My jewels~Doc, Bunch & Gator. Even when I have bad days. Or weeks.

7 comments:

Alyson | New England Living said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling that way. I know it all too well. Don't beat yourself up. This is one of your challenges and there is nothing wasted in going through hard times and finding a way out.

Malisa said...

This is all the more sad because it hits home.

I feel an awful lot of guilt. It's one of my goals to move past it. Maybe someday.

Malisa said...

Wouldn't it be nice if we had control of it all? It seems like it at least.

Sunshine said...

You know, I was thinking, maybe today somebody needed to serve you... we often talk about service to others and how important that is, and how it can help us when we are down, but what about those days when we need the smile from someone?

Here's sending love and hugs and a great big smile-- and here's knowing you aren't alone in the drudgery!

mindy said...

(wo)Man, I hear ya. ((((hugs))))

Bessiemae said...

You are so very REAL. I'm not even sure where I came across your blog, but it is quickly becoming one of my favorites! Write more, more, more!

Melanie said...

I don't know how I ever missed this one, but it's causing me to feel truth and guilt at once. Good guilt though - motivating guilt.