A year ago today things turned upside down in my world. One moment I was humming along kind of obliviously naïve, and then literally in a single moment, I had the air sucked out of me and felt like I was suffocating.It was the start of the hardest year of my life. A year of evolution, a year of movement within me, and a year of hard, hard work…which continues even now as I uncork the pain bottled inside me for so long and struggle to find my footing in this world.
There have been days when I felt like I was being water boarded. There have been lots of tearful days, and a few astonishing hours of raw fury and rage seeping up from the deep. But there have also been days when I literally drop to my knees in awe and humility at the love and kindness shown by people around me. Days when the world is so bright and beautiful I can scarcely contain my joy. Days when beautiful music reaches into my soul and wraps my heart in feelings inexpressible. I am so grateful for those moments.
Any of you who have read my blog for longer than a few months know that I’ve struggled with depression, among other things. This isn’t new, but dealing with it head-on is. I’d forever adopted the “I’ll handle this on my own” approach all my life, but I’ve learned that there is no shame in accepting help when you’re struggling.
And help has come in surprising forms…not the least of which was cherished new friendships borne from blogging. I’ve also treasured re-connecting with people from the past and gaining a closeness that wasn’t ever there before. Help has come from learning to be honest with myself about things, healing wounds in my soul, and re-training my thoughts. It’s been a year of wonders. I’m still learning, and I’m sure I’ll still have a lot of hard days. But praise be, I’m making it. (With a little bit of help from my friends.)
♥felt thanks for all the cheers from my fan section. ♥
Grateful for:
1) Sunlight after storms
2) Serendipity
3) Renewal
Photo credit: taken by yours truly from my back porch of rainbow over my mountain
9 comments:
i love you, sweet blue!
So sorry it's been a painful year, but I'm glad you've discovered so much and are on a journey upward now! You are so strong.
i'm so glad that you are finally dealing with everything head on. it is hard, but it helps so much more. hopefully this next year will be better then this past year was!
It has been an honor to read about your experiences. Many of your posts have made my mouth drop open in disbelief and left me weeping for you. I am in awe of your strength and your courage in facing this, and I am so thankful that the Lord gave you Doc and Bunch and Gator to love and support you.
{{{hugs}} from Georgia!
Wish I could click a "thumbs up" for ya!
hello darling one ... do I have the place for you - it's beyond whoop whoop and is so so special - you soul will fly and be free - come on over ... or for the meanwhile go see my pics.
that doc of yours is a wonderful man - during all this the man of your heart and your darling babes must be the thought that keeps you soildering on - you have the heart of a defender and the braveness to be your best - many hugs from down under le
ohhh guess what my sign in word here is copers - you are a coper for sure :)
I have been surprised and amazed by your resourcefulness and resilience. This has been such a mess for you...where a weaker woman would have just given up, you continue to try an figure it out and fight your way through it to health and wholeness.
Here's hoping that each year is better and better~
I've had a very, very similar year. I feel both your pain and joy. Much love to you on your journey.
Oh sweet one, I do know what you mean. I wish that I had known the depths of what you were going through. My heart is in my throat just thinking about it.
You are brave and resilient and a fighter. You will get through this and you will be an even stronger individual because of it. As women, we often feel as if we must deal with things on our own. Anything else makes us feel less competent in a way. But it is those of us who admit that we need outside support and knowledge who truly are the stronger ones! I used to think that I should be able to handle it all on my own, but then I realized how self-defeating that was. I found a pain therapist who has helped me with not only the physical pain that I must endure, but the emotional stuff, as well. My depression is different than yours, but I do understand how overwhelming and suffocating it can be.
I probably should have just written this in an email, but here I am. I am so sorry that you have struggled so profoundly. If there is EVER anything that I can do(even just lending an ear), please let me know. You have my phone number. I am always here.
Love and healing hugs,
Deb
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