The video clip below sums up perfectly how I've been feeling lately. Life has seemed like an engorged river, rushing swiftly by, leaving only a light mist in it's wake, which evaporates too quickly for me to savor the moments.
January tends to always be a quiet month for me...I get introspective and draw into myself more, as I wait for the brightness of spring to return.
January is also an expensive month, when healthcare deductibles get reset. I always manage forget about that aspect of the new year, until I'm at the doctor and realize we'll be paying for everything out-of-pocket till we hit our annual OOP max. Ouch!
This month I have been working a bit more to try and earn a little extra money. We are coming down to the end of the medical school journey. Doc finished up his last interviews this week, and is about to start up a new rotation next week. The kids are back in school with all their activities and commitments pulling them in other directions. And I am trying to juggle our four schedules, with less success less than I'd prefer in the "being there for my family" department.
While I was working this week, I missed Bunch's first orchestra performance...which I didn't know about till recently. Happily, Doc was able to go, and said "the whole experience was so beautiful it moved me to tears." Which didn't help me feel any better about not being there, and also reminded me that I have yet to hear her perform on her viola. Her recital last year was rescheduled after I had it on the calendar and had planned around the original date...but it was too late for me to change my work schedule so I missed it.
These kinds of things cause me pain of the "mommy sort". I know that childhood won't last forever, and I feel somewhat helpless in my inability to do it all. There are always going to be Good, Better, and Best choices in life. Work is Good, and maybe even Better, but the time with my family is always going to be Best. I hope I can become better at juggling, or maybe I just need to find a different job. (but I love mine so!)
Grateful for:
1) The poignant reminders in this video clip (thanks Keri!)
2) Being a mom
2) The love and support of those around me (this week's heroes are Shelah, Jean & Doc)
4 comments:
Blue --
Thanks for the heads up on the link. What a poignant post -- I am definitely with you on January; I find myself going quiet too -- and with February that which has lain dormant begins to stir.
My best,
Whitney
Hello dear heart, such a touching post and beautiful video. I understand those "dividing and conquering" days. Even though I did not work, there were days when more than one of my girls would have an event at the same time. There was always a choice to be made, something that would be missed, something to be sacrificed. But that is life. We take in as much as we possibly can, because there will always be moments that are missed.
Love to you, sweet girl.
Hugs,
Deb
yay!! love that clip and I hope you didnt do the really ugly cry as much as I did.
You are enjoying plenty of BEST b/c you are on the BEST moms I know of. someday I will see you in action and not just hear/read about it.
xxx time to catch up huh?
waiting for kids to finish up their movie to watch ours...after weekend???
love you, bluegirl
i think the fact that you want to be there means a lot, and your kids will know that.
i think the winter months are especially difficult. i have a hard time getting any motivation during them, and like you, it seems that many of our "big" bills come around now...taxes, insurance, etc. it isn't fun.
Post a Comment