The video clip below sums up perfectly how I've been feeling lately. Life has seemed like an engorged river, rushing swiftly by, leaving only a light mist in it's wake, which evaporates too quickly for me to savor the moments.
January tends to always be a quiet month for me...I get introspective and draw into myself more, as I wait for the brightness of spring to return.
January is also an expensive month, when healthcare deductibles get reset. I always manage forget about that aspect of the new year, until I'm at the doctor and realize we'll be paying for everything out-of-pocket till we hit our annual OOP max. Ouch!
This month I have been working a bit more to try and earn a little extra money. We are coming down to the end of the medical school journey. Doc finished up his last interviews this week, and is about to start up a new rotation next week. The kids are back in school with all their activities and commitments pulling them in other directions. And I am trying to juggle our four schedules, with less success less than I'd prefer in the "being there for my family" department.
While I was working this week, I missed Bunch's first orchestra performance...which I didn't know about till recently. Happily, Doc was able to go, and said "the whole experience was so beautiful it moved me to tears." Which didn't help me feel any better about not being there, and also reminded me that I have yet to hear her perform on her viola. Her recital last year was rescheduled after I had it on the calendar and had planned around the original date...but it was too late for me to change my work schedule so I missed it.
These kinds of things cause me pain of the "mommy sort". I know that childhood won't last forever, and I feel somewhat helpless in my inability to do it all. There are always going to be Good, Better, and Best choices in life. Work is Good, and maybe even Better, but the time with my family is always going to be Best. I hope I can become better at juggling, or maybe I just need to find a different job. (but I love mine so!)
Grateful for:
1) The poignant reminders in this video clip (thanks Keri!)
2) Being a mom
2) The love and support of those around me (this week's heroes are Shelah, Jean & Doc)
Friday, January 29, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Clearly Overdue
It's my first post of the new decade, what shall I write about?
Maybe about how my several-month-dry-spell from reading finally ended with a foot-high stack of books loaned by my dear friend Shelah, which I devoured like a ravenous beast. It's good to be back.
Or how Doc has been criss-crossing the country, logging the miles and hours interviewing for his Transitional Year and Residency. He's been in so many cities that I can hardly keep them straight. This week I sweetly offered to reserve his rental car for the next day, and when he landed in Spokane, he discovered that I had reserved him a car...in Portland. Nice job Blue. You're fired!
Perhaps I should mention how many posts on the Dare to Dream blog have resonated really deeply with me. I love when I read something that gives me a major insight, or which results in a paradigm shift. Whitney's thoughts and ideas do that consistently. I'm treating that site like a college-credit class, and mining through the archives till I've read it all. It's like free therapy for my soul.
I could regale you with tales of illness, poor air quality, January Blah's (or is it dysthymia?) and dark dark mornings where the sun doesn't rise till the kids are off to school already. But I've decided, as you can see from my banner above, that in 2010, my motto is "Come What May And Love It"...so nope...not gonna go there.
You might be curious about how work is going. Actually, it seems like lately the trips have been getting less and less "productive", which means fewer hours of work per day, so it takes me more days to get my minimum hours in. Which would all be much more stressful in terms of covering childcare needs if it weren't for my angel friends and family. By their grace, things end up working out month after month, and I am truly grateful.
Some might be interested in the matter of new year's resolutions. Do I have them? What are they? How's it going? And I would respond Yes. NOYB. So far, so good. But I'm not going to.
My Kids! After all, this is kind of a mommy blog. Some of you might be clamoring for a Bunch&Gator update. I could write about them. But I'm not right now.
Travel updates? I planning any fabbo trips or get-aways? Unfortunately not at the moment, but I am anticipating a visit from my sister and her family next month. It's been a year since I last saw her, and I'm overdue.
Mostly I've been kind of "in my head" lately...trying to get a handle on the liminal state of things in my life. Now that I've taken the plunge, I'll try to be more regular on here. I've got some stories to tell and this is, as it turns out, my story place.
D0 I get bonus points for use of the word "liminal"?
Grateful for:
1) Furnace that keeps us warm
2) House that provides us with shelter
3) The relationships that make my life so rich
Maybe about how my several-month-dry-spell from reading finally ended with a foot-high stack of books loaned by my dear friend Shelah, which I devoured like a ravenous beast. It's good to be back.
Or how Doc has been criss-crossing the country, logging the miles and hours interviewing for his Transitional Year and Residency. He's been in so many cities that I can hardly keep them straight. This week I sweetly offered to reserve his rental car for the next day, and when he landed in Spokane, he discovered that I had reserved him a car...in Portland. Nice job Blue. You're fired!
Perhaps I should mention how many posts on the Dare to Dream blog have resonated really deeply with me. I love when I read something that gives me a major insight, or which results in a paradigm shift. Whitney's thoughts and ideas do that consistently. I'm treating that site like a college-credit class, and mining through the archives till I've read it all. It's like free therapy for my soul.
I could regale you with tales of illness, poor air quality, January Blah's (or is it dysthymia?) and dark dark mornings where the sun doesn't rise till the kids are off to school already. But I've decided, as you can see from my banner above, that in 2010, my motto is "Come What May And Love It"...so nope...not gonna go there.
You might be curious about how work is going. Actually, it seems like lately the trips have been getting less and less "productive", which means fewer hours of work per day, so it takes me more days to get my minimum hours in. Which would all be much more stressful in terms of covering childcare needs if it weren't for my angel friends and family. By their grace, things end up working out month after month, and I am truly grateful.
Some might be interested in the matter of new year's resolutions. Do I have them? What are they? How's it going? And I would respond Yes. NOYB. So far, so good. But I'm not going to.
My Kids! After all, this is kind of a mommy blog. Some of you might be clamoring for a Bunch&Gator update. I could write about them. But I'm not right now.
Travel updates? I planning any fabbo trips or get-aways? Unfortunately not at the moment, but I am anticipating a visit from my sister and her family next month. It's been a year since I last saw her, and I'm overdue.
Mostly I've been kind of "in my head" lately...trying to get a handle on the liminal state of things in my life. Now that I've taken the plunge, I'll try to be more regular on here. I've got some stories to tell and this is, as it turns out, my story place.
D0 I get bonus points for use of the word "liminal"?
Grateful for:
1) Furnace that keeps us warm
2) House that provides us with shelter
3) The relationships that make my life so rich
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)