I ended my last post with:
I hardly ever blog anymore, as you've probably noticed. This place was once invaluable as an outlet while I healed and overcame things in my past. I have been so happy for a while now that the need for "blog therapy" has kind of diminished. It may pick up in the future, or just stay sporadic as I feel inspired to write. But no matter what, thanks, dear readers, for hanging in with me through all the twists and turns this patch of cyberspace has taken over the years. We'll see what the future brings!
...and then promptly fell into a hole, which I still haven't climbed out of in the past couple months. This time the depression has been considerably more severe than previous episodes. I deactivated my Facebook account, damaged or broke some important relationships, and am still struggling to claw my way back out of the dark.
I still don't feel like talking to anybody, but am working on things. Once I have some healthy boundaries established, and have solidified the skills needed to keep them there, I hope to re-engage with people. Meanwhile, I do feel exceptionally grateful for the kindness, and in some cases, extraordinary generosity, of people who care about me. It's hard, feeling like I'm letting people down, and don't deserve any of their compassion. But I hope one day they'll know how much they mean to me, and that mattering to me will mean something useful.
10 comments:
Hugs. I am so sorry. I am seeing a new therapist, who incorporates talk therapy with massage therapy. After 20 years of doing normal therapy she was finding people struggled with making changes... so she became a massage therapist and does both together, because our body holds memories and energy and with massage and talking it helps finally release it!!! It has been life changing.
If you can come to OC regularly I could give you her info.
I hope you find peace and help.
I wish you the best. Every person deserves compassion. Good luck in reestablishing yourself.
Oh Blue -
Haven't head WiFi for 2 months until this week and I have missed keeping in touch with you this way. I didn't realize you hadn't written (it's not blogging for you - it's your beautiful WRITING I miss!) all summer. I am so sorry that you don't feel like you have crawled out of your hole since we talked. I love you and am praying for you. I will try to get ahold of you tomorrow afternoon with Joc at practice. I am praying for your peace and comfort and know that you are so loved. I am hugging you across the miles. Can you feel it?
Hang in there, beautiful girl. The light will come.
darling friend, I am so so very sorry. I know all too well the feeling of "I've tackled that problem." just to see it rear it's ugly head again. Let's go on a walk this week. Maybe Thursday?
xoxo, m
sheesh! no fun at ALL! i live here now! if you need to talk, i'm here!
I love and admire you greatly, and I miss your writing terribly. You are gifted in so many ways.
I miss your writing as well, I check for a new post every few days. I wish you would start writing again! Feel better.
you matter to us matey :) I hope sunny days are yours again soon. how are the munchkins and Dr going - tell us some lovely happenings with the babes le xox
Trying to track you down! Let's go hiking Monday! Are you available? Let me know! Call or send me a note on my blog!
It looks like your friends are still here for you! Depression sucks, I know, and I hope you find your way out soon! Until then, we'll be here!!
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